The Loud House · Season 1
[dashes to the storage space with a mop and captures Nacho holding three cans of beans, but drops one] "Nacho! Get your own beans!" [Nacho runs out the restaurant, dropping another can and having only one] "YOU'LL FACE JUSTICE FOR YOUR CRIMES!"
[yelling over the blaring music while cooking] "LINCOLN! CAN YOU TELL UNCLE LANCE TO TURN DOWN THE MUSIC?!"
[also yelling while covering his ears] "CAN'T HEAR YOU! I'M GONNA GO ASK UNCLE LANCE TO TURN DOWN THE MUSIC!"
[Slaps his face] "Get a hold of yourself, man! He's GONE!"
[groans] "I guess I'll have to start over. Luan, can you tell your uncle to be more careful with his weights?"
[Luan turns to Uncle Lance who's above the restaurant]
[shouting to Uncle Lance with her head tilted back] "UNCLE LANCE!!! CAN YOU BE MORE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WEIGHTS?!"
[pokes his head through the hole when he heard her] "Whoa, whoops! Oh-ho! Gosh, sorry. I Guess I don't know my own strength, huh? JK, I do, and it's impressive."
[Lynn Sr. finds his brother doing high-knees on the bleachers at the football field, attempting to apologize to him for trying to sabotage his gym and deceiving him]
[annoyed] "Oh, joy. You found me."
"Well, this is where you always came when you were mad as a kid. Wouldn't be that hard to find."
"Pfft, well, you can leave, okay, because I don't want to talk."
"Lance, I'm sorry. [follows him] I-I should've told you the truth! But we were... [pants] getting along so well, I... I didn't... [wheezes] didn't try to mess that up... [exhausted] Oh, vision...going...blurry..." [sits down to catch his breath]
"Many years ago, I hereby might've remembered something incorrect if you folks here said a bit of it wasn't working out anymore. Your lying and sneaking around is what hurt the most. It was like a charley horse, but in my heart!"
"You're right. I acted like a ding-dang ding-dong. [holds his neck] Whoo, heh, pulse is not slowing down." [chuckles]
"Well, from now on, just be honest with me. If I can bench press four hundred pounds, I can handle the truth."
"I will. [tears up] Promise."
[also tears up] "Well, bring it in, then, big guy!"
[The Elementary kids are all reading an article of Mrs. Johnson putting an air horn under Principal Huggins' desk, when she's exposed as the air horn prankster]
[to Cheryl and Principal Huggins; sheepishly] Room for one more?
[annoyed when he heard about what she'd done] I don't know about you, Cheryl, but I suddenly feel very uncomfortable in this cafeteria. Let's eat lunch in our offices, shall we? [he and Cheryl pick up their lunch trays and leave the table, turning their backs on her]
Oh, come on, Wilbur! It was a joke! [sighs sadly as she sits down, and sees the kids all looking at her] Oh, like none of you ever made bad choices! [puts on a pair of sunglasses]
[gasps] You guys! I just got an alert! [excitedly] Our video for "Play With my Band" just hit 100,000 streams!
[The Moon Goats look at 100,000 streams on Sam's phone]
What am I gonna do?! I can't go back on a pinkie swear! But you guys know I have a low pain threshold! I passed out when I got these earrings, and they're clip-ons! [cringes as she takes off one of her paper-clip earrings]
Relax, Dad will never let you get a tattoo anyway. You can just blame it on him.
Oh, no! You got fungus in my bacteria culture!
[slumping on the sofa] Thanks, Todd, but even a re-enactment of the development of penicillin won't make me feel better today.
[Todd hops on the sofa to comfort her]
[dressed as Commander Nick Fox] Attention, all crew. Get to an evacuation pod. As for me, I'm going down with the Andromeda. [salutes] It's crew before commander on this ship. BRACE FOR IMPACT!! [to the viewers] Don't worry, I'm not really dead. [stands up] Tonight is Halloween, and I'm just getting into character. I'm going as Commander Nick Fox. He's the star of an old sci-fi movie that me and my friends are obsessed with… Planet Protection Patrol…or as we call it, Triple-P. It's about a group of space soldiers who protect the earth from evil aliens. We're each going as a member from the crew. I picked the commander because we're a lot alike: Handsome, daring, ready for anything!
[opens the door, dressed as a skeleton, accidentally knocking him over] Apologies, Lincoln, but we need you to test out the haunted house.
[looking at the photo Leni just took] Ugh, this is ghastly. Lincoln wasn't scared at all.
Yes, I was. I'm still shaking in my commander boots.
[dressed as a black cat; glancing at the photo] Lincoln, you're literally yawning in the photo. [reveals the photo, showing Lincoln yawning as Luna, dressed as a zombie, bites his head]
'Cause I was so tired of being scared! [then realizes his sisters aren't buying it] Okay, you're right. It's just, you always do the fog up the stairs thing, and Luan was Mr. Coconuts three years ago, and you two are always black cats. It's just, I've seen it all before.
We need to make some spooky adjustments and fast. We can't be anything less than terrifying. I won't stand for it.
[from outside] Hey, Lincoln! We're here!
Coming! Mom, Dad, can I trick-or-treat with my friends for a bit? I promise I'll be home by 8:00 to help with the haunted house.
Of course.
You bet.
[gets in Chandler and Trent's faces; angrily] Oh, leave us alone and take your bad breath somewhere else!
Earthlings, please accept our apologies. We were passing through your galaxy and running low on fuel. That's when we received a transmission from one of your communicators.
Ha! Your stupid omelet thing! I knew it! [the Planet Protection Patrol glares at him] You're not heroes! You guys brought the aliens here! It's all their fault! [One of the aliens, however, replays the transmission, revealing it was actually him who brought them; on recording] Earth to aliens: We've got some space geeks here who are dying to meet you. Why don't you come down so you can all have an intergalactic dork party? [realizes his folly]
Then the bad Earthling revealed you all disguise yourselves on your human holiday.
[on recording] There are millions of people in costumes tonight, but somehow, yours are the dumbest!
[Chandler frowns in disbelief, realizing he's been found out]
That gave us the idea to infiltrate your species and use you as a power source. It's well-known throughout the galaxies that humans make great batteries.
Unfortunately, I'm always putting them in upside down. [laughs]
[annoyed] Nice going, Chandler.
[also annoyed] You're literally the worst.
[having no regret] I'm so over all this! [presses the keypad, opening the door] Chandler, out! [walks backwards, but suddenly falls and lands in the Louds' web] Ew, gross!
[Nighttime at the Loud House; someone is raiding in the kitchen and eating the contents, letting an empty can roll in the kitchen. Rita and Lynn Sr. peek out of their own bedroom.]
[whispers to Rita] "Well, Did you hear that? The Midnight Snack Thief is back!" [he and Rita sneak over to the kitchen, but stopped by Lincoln and his sisters]
"Guys! Don't worry. I've set up a trap that should be going off right about..." [The sound of a net catching its prey is heard] "Now." [he and the others enter the kitchen] "Gotcha!" [turns on the lights, and the family is shocked to discover the Midnight Snack Thief is...] "Lori?!"
[sheepishly] "Oh! Hi, guys!" [the trap drops her to the floor, and rubs her head] "Ow."
"You're the one who's been taking our stuff?"
"Sweetie, if you needed all this, you could have just asked."
[gets up on her feet] "I didn't want to worry you guys. After paying Mr. Grouse's rent, I'm very broke. [groans] I've had no luck getting a job." [frowns; Luan excitedly steps up in front of her]
"Wait a minute! I've been working part-time at the Burnt Bean and I heard they're hiring a new bean-rista!" [gestures to her big sister]
"I blew my interview there when I first moved home, remember?"
"Well, lucky for you, I'm pretty tight with our manager, Beany Brewinski. If I put in a good word, you're going to get golden cuz you seem to get golden!"
[Lori accepts the offer Luan gave her. She gets excited.]
"So, I'd be making money AND we'd be working together? How fun would that be?"
[Two of them squeal in excitement; A few days later… Lori and Luan are driving on their sides to the Burnt Bean.]
[Elbows Lori] "Thanks for driving, CO-WORKER! Sure beats my old unicycle commute."
"Ah, It's literally the least I can do." [giggles and starts singing. Luan has an excited look.] ♪ SISTERS! Working together! ♪
[Also starts singing] ♪ Chasing those Burnt Bean DREAMS!!! ♪ [tilts her head back and lowers it back down.]
♪ Brewing the coffee! ♪
[Singing together in harmony.] ♪ SISTERS! Working together! ♪
"Okay, everyone, Another time to go."
"Ready for kids."
Good morning, coffee crew! [Luan and Lori are in their barista outfits] Everyone have their seven cups of coffee? No? Just me! [chuckles] "Alright! I'm thrilled to announce the newest addition to the Burnt Bean team, Lori Loud! Let's give her a caf-hey!"
"Caf-hey!"
[awkwardly] "Caf… hey!" [giggles]
"Next order of bean-ness, I'm off to a conference in Beantown, so I'll be promoting our top bean-rista to manager while I'm gone. Say hello to your new bean boss… Luan!"
[Lori and Paraag gasp excitedly]
"Wowee! I shan't be there to let you down because I don't need to let you down and I won't be there to let you down because I don't need to let you down, Beany!"
"I know you won't! I'm trusting you to keep the bean dream alive!" [Leaves] "Toodles!"
"You deserve this, Luan."
"Aww! I couldn't have done it without you, Paraag. We make a good blend!" [They giggle]
"Yeah, congrats! I had no idea you were such a talented barista."
"Awww! Thanks! I hope you're okay with this. I know you didn't try to plan on working for your little favorite sister."
"Are you kidding? I'm totally okay. Just think of me as another employee. No playing favorites."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Loud House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
