Chandler quotes from The Loud House

I hear the screams are so loud, you can't even hear yourself scream.

I hear it's so scary, they give you diapers before you go in.

I hear a deranged clown chases you with barbecue tongs.

What're you guys talking about?

The Royal Woods House of Terror just opened up for the season and we're finally old enough to go.

I'm not one for tooting my own horn, but I think we have this one in the bag. I mean, who can our competition even be? [gasps in shock, seeing that he's competing against the one person who hates him and his friends more than anyone] Chandler?!

You know that young man?

That's Chandler McCann. He's a bad apple. Uh-oh, they're coming over!

Hey, McBride, looks like we're facing off in the dance final. This is my grandma.

[walks up next to him] Hi there! Gran McCann.

Hi! Nana Gayle.

[stopping her from shaking hands with Chandler's grandmother] NO! She probably has a joy buzzer, or an ink squirter, or maybe even a finger trap.

No, just arthritis. [chuckles] Oh, I understand why you don't trust me. I know about my grandson's reputation, but I told Chandler that I won't tolerate any funny business during this competition.

[nonchalantly] Yeah, chill out, McBride. I'm always on my best behavior when I'm with my Gran.

Well, that's a relief.

What do you say, Clyde? [sticks out his hand, offering Clyde a handshake] Fair and Square. May the best team win?

[thinking about it] Hmm… Deal.

Today was a disaster. Talk about a streak of bad luck.

[offscreen] Those McBrides are real McBozos. [Clyde and Nana Gayle listen to their sabotaging outside the dressing room door] They totally fell for that crud about us not cheating. And now all we have to do is sabotage 'em again tomorrow, and those massage chairs are all ours! [he and his grandmother laugh, unaware that the McBrides know now, and are both outraged]

Those little weasels!

I knew Chandler would cheat! [thinks] Well, I guess we had no choice. We'll just have to cheat right back.

Busted! That's not Chandler's grandmother. It's his old partner-in-crime, Trent.

[flabbergasted and sharped] Chandler McCann, where is your actual non-child grandmother?!

[sighs] Recovering from hip surgery in Scranton.

[gestures to Trent] So you've been pretending to be Gran McCann all week?

[guilty] Yeah. We just wanted the massage chairs for when we play video games.

[crossly] Well, bravo to your performance, Trent, but boo to your ethics! [Chandler and Trent both chuckle nervously] SCOUNDRELS! [to Clyde and Nana Gayle] Congrats, Team McBride. You are the real winners! [Clyde and Nana Gayle hug happily and receive the massage chairs while the crowd cheers as Chandler and Trent watch in shock of horror] As for you two, no one disrespects the art of the dance on my watch! You are banned from every dance contest in Royal Woods forever! Now, exit stage left! [brings in the big fan and blows the two boys off the stage]

Flip

[laughs] You need to get up so early in the morning to fool ole Flip. Nacho here overheard you dunderheads talking in the parking lot and clued me in. So while you think you were going to feel so busy tearing yourselves apart, everyone knows I moved all of the merchandise out this morning. Call it a "restocking day." Oh, there's one thing left.

[gasps and sees a dusty bag of Flipeos] Flipeos? That's it?! [blows the dust off, getting some of it on Flip's face]

Flip

Be careful eating 'em. [Chandler opens the bag and a stink cloud emerges, making his hair all fuzzy] They're older than you are.

[throws the bag on the ground; enraged] This is so unfair! I'm the one who cheats people! You stink, Flip, and that's coming from someone whose dad works in the sewer! [storms out of the store]

Flip

[picks up the Flipeo bag and eats one] Eh, it's not bad.

Well, we may not lose if we lose, but we did see Chandler lose earlier.

Small comfort in a cruel world.

Flip

[blocking their way, halting them] And where do you two bozos think you're going? I suppose I may say thank you. While you are trying to get to one-million, you actually gave me the best day of business I ever had. And that includes the time the supermarket down the street flooded. [whispers to the other boys] Suspiciously. [winks] I think that deserves a reward.

Pfft. Big whoop. I've jumped out of planes before.

You mean the one on the playground?

Shut it, Trent!

Earthlings, please accept our apologies. We were passing through your galaxy and running low on fuel. That's when we received a transmission from one of your communicators.

Ha! Your stupid omelet thing! I knew it! [the Planet Protection Patrol glares at him] You're not heroes! You guys brought the aliens here! It's all their fault! [One of the aliens, however, replays the transmission, revealing it was actually him who brought them; on recording] Earth to aliens: We've got some space geeks here who are dying to meet you. Why don't you come down so you can all have an intergalactic dork party? [realizes his folly]

Then the bad Earthling revealed you all disguise yourselves on your human holiday.

[on recording] There are millions of people in costumes tonight, but somehow, yours are the dumbest!

That gave us the idea to infiltrate your species and use you as a power source. It's well-known throughout the galaxies that humans make great batteries.

Unfortunately, I'm always putting them in upside down. [laughs]

[annoyed] Nice going, Chandler.

Lori

[also annoyed] You're literally the worst.

[having no regret] I'm so over all this! [presses the keypad, opening the door] Chandler, out! [walks backwards, but suddenly falls and lands in the Louds' web] Ew, gross!