For Mother's Day, I got my baby shoes bronzed. (Show's his baby shoes are adult sized)
These are your baby shoes?
Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet?
No, what?
They be like, damn, you got some big feet.
S4Mother's Day
S4Papa's Got a Brand-New Excuse
If you'll excuse me, I think I'll skip dinner. I don't have much of an appetite.
Should I call 911?
Hey, Uncle Phil, that is not cool, man, the way you're dissin' my father like that.
The hell with your father!
Phillip, for God's sake - !
He waltzes in here after fifteen years-
Fourteen.
Oh, excuse me - fourteen years - and acts like nothing has happened! Wake up, Will! This is the same guy who didn't think enough of you to pick up the damn phone!
He made a mistake. I'm sorry that everyone can't be as perfect as you, Uncle Phil, but if I can forgive him, how come you can't?
Because he's not doing this for you. He's doing this for himself. And if you think any differently, then you're a fool!
Hey, hey, just cool it! Just cool down; we can talk about this another time.
You know what, Aunt Viv, ain't even nothing to talk about. I've been waiting for this for a long time - my whole life - and ain't nobody gonna stop me. Come tomorrow, I'm outta here!
Oh, yeah? I don't think so.
Who cares what you think?! YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!
[Phillip is visibly hurt by this statement. Will angrily storms out of the kitchen.]
Sit down.
LLou
I ain't got time for no lecture--
I said sit down, Lou. [Lou sits down on the couch.] You know, Will was doing just fine until you showed up, but now that you're back, you have responsibilities to him.
LLou
Look, we're still gonna take the trip--
Oh, bull! BULL! Will is not a coat that you hang in the closet then pick it up when you're ready to wear it! His life goes on! He's not supposed to be there for you, you're supposed to be there for him!
LLou
[abruptly stands up] YOU GET OFF MY BACK! You think I want this?! IT JUST HAPPENED! Now, when Will was a baby, I was scared and--
CUT THE CRAP, ALL RIGHT?! CUT IT! 'Cuz I've been there! But I didn't run out on my family. I was there every day for them, because that's what a man does.
LLou
FINE, PHILLIP! You win! You're the man! Hey, you a better man than me! You happy?
[Phillip sighs angrily.]
LLou
Now are you gonna tell Will or not?
I'm not going to do your dirty work for you.
[after Lou leaves]
I'm sorry, Will.
You know what? This actually works out better for me. You know, the slimmies of summer come to class wearin' next to nothing, y'know what I'm sayin'?
Will, it's all right to be angry.
Hey, why should I be mad? At least he said goodbye this time. I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present. [pulls a father-son statue from his bag]
I'm sorry. You know, if there was something I can do--
Hey, y'know what, you ain't got to do nothin', Uncle Phil. You know, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? [getting emotionally charged] Ain't like I'ma be sittin' every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy comin' home," you know? Who needs him? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty damn good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Yeah, you did.
Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without him, I had fourteen great birthdays without him! He never even sent me a damn card! [looks back at where Lou just left] THE HELL WITH HIM!!! ... I didn't need him then, I don't need him now.
[as Will passes him] Will…
No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'ma get through college without him, I'ma get a great job without him, I'ma marry me a beautiful honey, and I'ma have me a whole bunch of kids - I'ma be a better father than he ever was! And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T A DAMN THING HE COULD EVER TEACH ME ABOUT HOW TO LOVE MY KIDS! [pause; breaks down] How come he don't want me, man? [uncle Phil embraces him]
S4For Sale by Owner
So, I have an ugly side.
And you could write "Good Year" on it.
Hey, Ashley, you didn't tell me that dude blew in your ear.
Me, either.
Uh... I embellished?
S4The Philadelphia Story
[Will is about to go fight a long time bully]
C'mon, Carlton, let's go!
I thought you said you wanted to do it alone.
I do. If I win, I need a witness. If I lose, you're my blood type.
When confronting his former bully, Omar...
Listen, man, you've kicked me off this court for the last time!
OOmar
I don't even remember kicking you off the first time.
You really don't remember me?
OOmar
No.
Hey, can I borrow that ball? (he takes a basketball from one of Omar's friends) Let me give you a little hint. (he hits Omar in the head with the ball)
OOmar
Oh, I remember you now. But I'm not like that anymore.
Really? You still look like that same bald-headed punk to me.
OOmar
Oh, yeah, I remember you. You're the chicken sandwich guy.
I AM NOT A CHICKEN! My momma made me move. My momma made me move. I'd never leave Philly. I love it here.
OOmar
So do I. That's why I started talking to the kids so that they won't make the same mistakes I did.
Will You sound like an after-school special. But that's not gonna do anything about my rep. (he gets in a fighting stance) Let's go right now and I'm not taking "no" for an answer.
OOmar
You have no choice.
(He leaves. As he and his friends walk away, Will approaches the fence.)
Oh yeah? You so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund. And you're so ugly, that when you were born, the doctor slapped both your parents. And your mom, oh my goodness. She's like a doorknob, everybody's had a turn.
(Omar and his friends turn around.)
I guess the mom's the red button.
(Omar approaches Will.)
Alright, let's go. Come on. (He tucks his head with hands.)
OOmar
Look, I know what you're trying to do, but I'm not going to hit you.
(get up) Then, I'll tell everyone you're a punk.
OOmar
Be my guest.
What about your rep?
OOmar
You see those guys? (points at his friends) That's my rep. Brother, you need to grow up.
(Omar and his friends leave. Will leaves the court and walks past a garbage can.)
????
Will!
(Will jumps, then sees Carlton, hiding in the can.)
Let me know if you need me.
(on the phone) Hey, Uncle Phil.
Hey, Will, are you calling from the plane?
Actually, I'm not on the plane.
Oh, did you miss your flight?
Sort of.
Then, when are you coming back?
I'm not.
(Following the conversation, the show's logo appears, reading "The Fresh Prince of Philadelphia?")
S5 E1What's Will Got to Do With It? (1)
MMan
What does this contract say?
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
MMan
That's right. Not Philadelphia. Bel-Air.
Well, you see--
MMan
Get in the van!
[The man throws Will into the van]
MMan
Yo, homes, to Bel-Air.
I'm going to be watching you like a shadow!
With you, it would be more of an eclipse, huh?
S5 E3Reality Bites
I mean Dougie loves everything. People, am I the only one who sees a problem with this? (singing) I love bugs and I love death. I love oozing flesh wounds!
Yeah, where is Carlton? He had better have a good reason for standing Nicky up.
Will locked me in the closet!
(Will sits at the kitchen table, Hilary enters the kitchen and throws a newspaper on the table)
Look at this.
Will (reading newspaper): "Powerful earthquake rattles northern coast."
Oh, boo-hoo.
(turns paper over and points to page): This.
"Television personality Leeza Gibbons was shocked to learn that the woman attempting to vandalize her car was none other than rival talk show host, Hilary Banks."
(groans)
"Banks, seen here, wielding a potato..."
Wielding? I was not wielding, I was rubbing.
I rubbed that damn potato all over Leeza's car and it didn't even make a scratch.
At least they didn't catch me putting my keys in her exhaust pipe.
Hilary, you were supposed to- never mind.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.