TV show quotes
Hilary (aiming video camera at television to record Leeza Gibbons' show): Geoffrey?! Geoffrey?!! Geoffrey!!!
You rang, Miss Hilary?
I have been calling you for fifteen minutes. Didn't you hear me?
Yes, but I so rarely have a woman scream my name. I was rather enjoying it.
Did you just put super glue in my hair gel?
That's what you get for stealing my girl.
I didn't have to steal her. She was bored with you, so that she has to come to a real man.
So, what you're saying is that I'm not a real man?
You got that right. It's like this "Hey, baby, (doing his pelvic thrust) pap, pap, stuff". It worked in high school, but now, it's just embarrassing!
Take it easy there, stumpy.
And you know what? I'm also getting tired of the short jokes. I'm average height.
For a woman!
I'm large enough for Valerie.
Uncle Phil. Hey man, what are you doing here?
I'll tell you what I'm doing here. Years ago, I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman named Vivian. Vivian had a sister named Vy. Vy gave birth to a child named Will, whose sole purpose in life is to make mine a living Hell! Now, you have done a lot to me these last 4 years, but how you managed to have me ripped out of my wonderful life in Bel-Air and relocated to this landfill boggles my mind!
Look, Jazz, I just don't feel comfortable telling you anymore, man. Who knows? Your life could be in danger.
What life? I'm a married man.
If I were you, I'd run.
If you were me, you'd be good looking.
You can't understand and respect women because you're not in touch with your feminine side.
And you know what your problem is? You're not in touch with anybody's feminine side.
(to Ashley) Don't tell me, 'cause if I know I can't say that I don't know when you get busted and Uncle Phil starts rounding up the usual suspects. And I am the usual suspects.
Come closer.
Heyyyyyyyy.
That's a fake mustache.
No, it's not!
Yes, it is!
No, it's not!
Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
Will...
It's not!
It's pronunciated Porsche!
Paw-shuh!
Porsche!
Paw-shuh!
San-trow pay!
Saint Tropez!
(Will sees Carlton dancing.)
Carlton, what's wrong? Are you having a Malox moment?
I'm getting ready for Soul Train. I believe there's dancing involved.
Two things. One: That's not dancing. And two: I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from the show.
And why, pray tell, is that?
Again, two things, Carlton. One: Because you say stuff like "pray tell". And two: You're gonna embarrass me when I become the new co-host.
You see, Soul Train's been looking for a co-host for months, and so far no one's worked out.
And they're gonna give you the job based on your love for Don Cornelius dolls?
[annoyed] It's not a doll, it's an action figure! And you've got no business being on the Soul Hyundai, let alone the Soul Train.
(After scuffle in Bowling alley)
Will, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm a--
A what!? A Power Ranger!?
No, I've been studying self-defense. Did I do something wrong?
Yes, you did. I was just about to retaliate.
Baby, you were on the floor.
That's how I fight!
Let's just get back to the game.
Fine!
(Will attempts to roll the ball, but it slips and hits another man in the chest.)
(Jazz pulls out a small thin book from his pocket)
I give you... The Hoodlum Pages. Okay, let's see here.
(Jazz flips through the pages)
Counterfeiters... Extortionists... Car Salesmen... Ah, here. Guys who take dives...
(Jazz hands Will the book and he scans the page.)
Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me, that this guy will let someone hit him ten times for $40?
Mention this ad and he'll throw in a head-butt.
Oh, okay, so this dude come down to the Peacock, stir up a little fray, I take him down and Lisa and everybody think I'm a hero. Aight, thanks, man. Hey, by the way, where'd you get this?
I stole it.
I call it, "Celebrity Houses, At Night!"
Hmm, very interesting.
Cause see, here's Bob Barker drinking some coffee in the bathroom.
Er...
And here's Gene Simmons frying his underwear on a barbecue grill.
Um, that's lovely.
And here's Jay Leno pouring some coffee in the sewer.
Oh, my god!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
