Phillip Banks quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Phillip

I've got a few questions for you. When you got this alleged confession from these two young men, did they have a lawyer present? No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents? No. Because we're their parents. So, officer, don't tell us to wait, and don't tell us to sit down. Just open that damn cell and let those two boys outta there or I'm gonna tie this place up with so much litigation that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!

Hilary

Alright okay! I can't take it any more! I dropped out of college.

Phillip

You did what?! ...Hilary when did this happen?

Hilary

3 months ago.

3 months ago?

Phillip

and you have been lying to us since then?

3 months ago?

Hilary

Mother I can explain!

3 months ago?

Carlton

There's been a tragedy at school! Somebody scratched the word "Fresh" on the alumni desk. They already have a lead on who did it.

Will

[nervously] They do?

Carlton

They think it was a freshmen who lost his cool.

Ashley

Lost his cool, that's funny. "Fresh" means cool, right Will?

Will

I can't keep up with this new hip lingo.

Ashley

But I thought that's why they called you the Fresh Prince?

Phillip

Day damn one, Vivian! Day damn one!

Phillip

I'm eating.

Will

(talking into recorder) You'll hear that a lot.

Phillip

You're grounded.

Will

(talking into recorder) Well, that about sums up Uncle Phil.

Phillip

If you'll excuse me, I think I'll skip dinner. I don't have much of an appetite.

Geoffrey

Should I call 911?

Will

Hey, Uncle Phil, that is not cool, man, the way you're dissin' my father like that.

Phillip

The hell with your father!

Phillip, for God's sake - !

Phillip

He waltzes in here after fifteen years-

Will

Fourteen.

Phillip

Oh, excuse me - fourteen years - and acts like nothing has happened! Wake up, Will! This is the same guy who didn't think enough of you to pick up the damn phone!

Will

He made a mistake. I'm sorry that everyone can't be as perfect as you, Uncle Phil, but if I can forgive him, how come you can't?

Phillip

Because he's not doing this for you. He's doing this for himself. And if you think any differently, then you're a fool!

Hey, hey, just cool it! Just cool down; we can talk about this another time.

Will

You know what, Aunt Viv, ain't even nothing to talk about. I've been waiting for this for a long time - my whole life - and ain't nobody gonna stop me. Come tomorrow, I'm outta here!

Phillip

Oh, yeah? I don't think so.

Will

Who cares what you think?! YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!

Phillip

Sit down.

I ain't got time for no lecture--

Phillip

I said sit down, Lou. [Lou sits down on the couch.] You know, Will was doing just fine until you showed up, but now that you're back, you have responsibilities to him.

Look, we're still gonna take the trip--

Phillip

Oh, bull! BULL! Will is not a coat that you hang in the closet then pick it up when you're ready to wear it! His life goes on! He's not supposed to be there for you, you're supposed to be there for him!

[abruptly stands up] YOU GET OFF MY BACK! You think I want this?! IT JUST HAPPENED! Now, when Will was a baby, I was scared and--

Phillip

CUT THE CRAP, ALL RIGHT?! CUT IT! 'Cuz I've been there! But I didn't run out on my family. I was there every day for them, because that's what a man does.

FINE, PHILLIP! You win! You're the man! Hey, you a better man than me! You happy?

Now are you gonna tell Will or not?

Phillip

I'm not going to do your dirty work for you.