PSPresident Siebert
Welcome to the inner sanctum.
Oh, I do love a good sanctum.
Sheldon, look at my fruit plate. It's got kiwi on it.
Ugh. I don't like kiwi.
Neither do I, but it's so fancy.
S12 E11The Paintball Scattering
S12 E12The Propagation Proposition
So Leonard's really considering this?
Yes. We got in a huge fight about it. He said, well, if I don't want to have his baby, then why shouldn't someone else be able to? Do you believe that? What?
Well, there is a deep-seated biological drive to pass on your genes. It's only natural.
So you're on his side?
Well, viewing Leonard as a mammal, it's perfectly understandable.
But viewing him as your husband, he stinks.
And we hate him.
So are you saying you're okay with this?
I don't know, but when I told you I didn't want kids you didn't have a say in that, so maybe I don't need to have a say in this.
Thank you.
They couldn't have picked a better person.
S12 E13The Confirmation Polarization
Aren't you always saying it's about the work, not more money or a better title?
All the smart things I say, and you remember the dumb one.
Maybe you should.
What?
This has been your lifelong dream. And you may not get another chance. I don;’t want to be the reason that you don’t win a Nobel.
You’re the only reason I deserve one.
But if your best shot is with them I think you should take it.
Is this what you really want me to do?
I want you to be happy.
Thank you. [Hugs Amy]
S12 E14The Meteorite Manifestation
I went down to the city compliance office to turn you in.
Are you kidding?
But I didn’t do it. I filled out the form and then realized that the unwritten laws of friendship are more important than the written rules of the city of Altadena City and Planning Department.
Aw.
Really? Aw?
And you’ll be happy to know that while I was there I did look into your neighbor’s balcony and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy so I reported him hard.
What did they say?
He’s going to have to remove it.
So the good guys win?
Well, I don’t know if I’d call you the good guys. You’re enforcing a law on him which you’re willfully ignoring yourselves.
Uh. All right, fine. The morally compromising guys win!
Apparently so.
Is it me or has no one been in the store for hours?
Yeah, it’s weirdly quiet. Nobody’s in the street.
Huh, that’s strange.
You thinking what I’m thinking?
They cut that meteorite open and unleashed a space plague.
Exactly.
Let me just lock up here.
Okay, so what do we do?
Uh, well, if this is a worst case scenario and we’re the last two people alive we’re gonna have to rebuild civilization.
Do you have any special skills?
I can draw. How about you?
I can play clarinet.
I didn’t know that.
Yeah. Ten years. Ah.
You know, it, uh, might also be up to us to repopulate the earth.
I’m okay with that.
So shall we?
Wait here. I’m gonna brush my teeth.
[Sheldon shows up] We’re closed.
This is going on Yelp.
S12 E15The Donation Oscillation
Okay, that’s my dad. Now remember, don’t bring up any baby stuff. All right? Not me wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Got it.
And if he brings it up, just change the subject to literally anything else.
Got it.
But not the Cornhuskers, Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Is that a sports team?
Never mind, you’re good.
Penny, doesn't want to have kids. I can respect that. But this is my chance to leave a little part of me behind.
Okay, but this isn't going to make you a dad. It's gonna be their baby, not yours.
S12 E16The D & D Vortex
WSWilliam Shatner
Hello.
Captain on the bridge! Captain on the bridge! You're William Shatner.
SShatner
You can call me Bill.
Ooh, can I call you Captain?
SShatner
No.
Please?
SShatner
No.
[whispering] Please?
SShatner
Sure.
And will you call me Science Officer Cooper?
SShatner
This has got to stop.
I think you know how to make it stop.
SShatner
[handshake] Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.
Kevin Smith was there, and-and, uh, this really tall guy named Kareem.
Wait, wait, K-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
I don't know, it was, uh, Kareem something Jabbar. How do you know him?
How do you not know him?
Well, I know him now 'cause he was there.
Wow. That is so cool.
Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy who played the werewolf on-on True Blood, he was there.
What? Joe Manganiello?
Uh, yeah.
From Magic Mike?
What's that?
[showing him a photo] Okay, okay. Did he look... like this?
He had his clothes on, but yeah.
S12 E17The Conference Valuation
I want to be really prepared for the conference.
You're gonna do great.
You really think so?
Of course. They're scared of you. You're scared of me. The system works.
RRaj
So you really think you can trick Sheldon into liking babies?
I slept with him. I married him. You want to bet against me?
S12 E18The Laureate Accumulation
EDEllen DeGeneres
So you guys have discovered something pretty amazing in the universe. Obviously I understand high-level physics because I’m a comedian, but...can you explain it to the audience?
PPemberton
Well I don't know, I'm not sure we're even smart enough to understand it.
Professor Thorne.
KTProfessor Kip Thorne
Dr. Hofstadter.
Uh, you know my wife Penny.
Hi.
Uh, we wanted to talk to you about Dr. Cooper. Now before you say no...
TThorne
No.
Well, then after you say no…
TThorne
No.
Okay, look, Sheldon a paint in the ass… but Dr. Fowler is really nice. So if you average them out... math... you've got someone who's really okay.
But more than the person, the Nobel is about the work. You should understand that more than anybody.
Yes, because of your work on gravitational waves.
TThorne
You know my work?
I do. I'm really hogging the conversation, Leonard?
Just give them a chance. Science has a history of difficult people. Look at Newton who was a jerk to Leibniz, and Leibniz who was a jerk to everyone.
Yeah, and you know, I don't need to tell you that gravitational waves are disturbances in the curvature of space-time. And that the... Hey, you worked on the movie Interstellar?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.