You know the golden rule of line etiquette. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.
S9 E23The Line Substitution Solution
RRaj
Boy, all this standing is making me tired. Good thing I brought my collapsible stick-chair!
Stick-chair? You look like an idiot on that thing.
RRaj
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chairs on sticks are comfy.
S9 E24The Convergence Convergence
How dare you invite your father without consulting me.
Sorry but I don't think I need your permission to have my father at my wedding.
You do understand that our marriage ended because he had an affair.
I know and there is no excuse for that.
He claimed I was cold, emasculating, and hadn't shown him any physical affection for years.
[To himself] I was wrong, there are three excuses for that.
So Alfred, what is it that you do for a living?
AHAlfred Hofstadter
Oh, I'm an anthropologist. I study ancient peoples and cultures.
My goodness, so all the way back to the Flood.
[Alfred laughs]
Don't laugh. She wasn't joking.
Play with your phone.
AAlfred
Well, on that note there are many cultures that have an apocalyptic flood as a part of their mythology.
I don't have a mythology. I have the unerring Word of God. But that's very interesting.
AAlfred
Oh. I don't mean to disparage your faith. Actually I admire it.
Really?
AAlfred
Yes, I'm an agnostic myself, but I prayed, many times, to God to turn my wife into a pillar of salt.
Well, he came close. Turned her into a giant block of ice.
S10 E1The Conjugal Conjecture
SSusan
It's just we're meeting Leonard's parents for the first time and, and they're academics and, and intellectuals and I don't want them thinking we're white trash.
RRandall
Well, what color trash do you think they'll believe?
Why do people cry at weddings?
MCMary Cooper
They're practising for what's coming later.
S10 E2The Military Miniaturization
Maybe before our meeting we should talk to a lawyer?
It's not a bad idea.
RKRaj Koothrappali
Hey, you must have someone in your family who's a lawyer.
Why? Because I'm Jewish? That's like me saying "Hey, you're Indian! Doesn't your cousin work in a call center?"
RRaj
My cousin does work in a call center.
And my cousin's a lawyer.
PHPenny Hofstadter
When Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Does that help?
For a while, then he comes back.
S10 E3The Dependence Transcendence
Not every girl dreams about being a mom. Sometimes you think you're never going to have kids, and one day you wake up and you're pregnant, and it doesn't matter that your career's going great right now and that you and your husband never even got to go anywhere taped to a dog!
You know, I had no idea CalTech is exactly like my high school.
Well, it's not exactly like it. You know, we're all extremely smart.
Wow. You popular girls are mean.
S10 E4The Cohabitation Experimentation
Do they know why the pipe burst?
They didn't say.
Buildings that have a combination of copper and galvanised fuel are susceptible to paint holes and corrosion caused by the mobility of ions in the water. [Penny and Amy look at him in disgust] You can't have your head shoved in a toilet as much as I did and not pick up a few things about plumbing.
Sheldon, I understand your apprehension, but let me appeal to the scientist in you. Given the five week end date, isn't it the perfect opportunity to consider this an experiment and collect data on our compatibility?
Don't try luring me in with sexy talk.
Okay, Star Trek: The Original Series, the Enterprise was on a 5-year mission exploring new worlds. Think of this as your personal 5-week mission to do the same.
If you want to lure me in with sexy talk that's how you do it!
[Leonard looks proud of himself]
Don't be proud of that!
S10 E5The Hot Tub Contamination
Okay, well for starters, there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Sheldon, what do you say to that?
I think we should see other people.
I left my phone downstairs!
Dammit, so did I!
I have my iPad.
What are you going to do, email 911?!
S10 E6The Fetal Kick Catalyst
You know, with us living together, maybe we could think about having people over?
We have people over all the time. We have the maintenance people, the pizza delivery man, that UPS driver who feels the need to ask how parts of me are hanging.
You know what I meant.
Alright, fine. Let's say that we're to entertain people, what type of gathering did you have in mind? A meal? Lunch, brunch, dinner, afternoon tea? Formal tea? Is it a party? And if so, what kind of party is it? Cocktail party, a Tupperware party? Is it a surprise party? Boy I hope it's not a West Coast party, because according to the man on the radio, "West Coast party don't stop".
I'm sorry I mentioned it.
Oh, don't be. You get your hopes up, I knock them down. That's called teamwork.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Big Bang Theory pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.