Penny quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Penny

Sorry, Sheldon. Do you have a second?

Sheldon

A second what? Pair of underwear?

Leonard

Penny, are you okay?

Penny

[voice off] I’m fine, Leonard, just go away.

Leonard

Look, I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful--.

Penny

GO AWAY!

Leonard

Okay, feel better, bye. [Goes back to apartment] She doesn’t want to talk.

Sheldon

Not surprising. Penny’s emotional responses originate from the primitive portion of the brain known as the amygdala, while speech is centered in the much more recently developed neocortex. The former can easily overpower the latter giving scientific credence to the notion of being rendered speechless. [Leonard stares at him] Or maybe she just doesn’t want to talk.

Penny

Has Leonard ever dated any regular girls?

Sheldon

Well, I assume that you're not talking about digestive regularity, because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.

Penny

No, I mean has he ever dated someone who wasn't a brainiac?

Sheldon

Oh, well there was this one girl who had a PhD in French Literature.

Penny

How is that not a brainiac?

Sheldon

Well, for one thing, she was French. For another, it was literature.

Sheldon

Leonard is upstairs right now with my archenemy.

Penny

Your archenemy?

Sheldon

Yes: the Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic, the Dr. Octopus to my Spider-Man, the Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel...

Penny

OK, I get it, I get it...

Sheldon

You know, it's amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.

Penny

[whispering] Sheldon!

Penny

[whispering] Sheldon.

Sheldon

[Jerking awake] Danger! Danger!

Penny

Sheldon, it's me.

Sheldon

You're in my bedroom.

Penny

I need your help.

Sheldon

People can't be in my bedroom.

Penny

Well, can we talk in the living room?

Sheldon

I'm not wearing any pajama bottoms.

Penny

Well, why not?

Sheldon

I spilled grape juice.

Penny

Well, can't you put on other pajamas?

Sheldon

I can't put on other pajamas, these are my Monday pajamas! Penny, people aren't supposed to be in my bedroom!

Penny

You know, I gotta ask; why didn't you just get a license at 16 like everybody else?

Sheldon

I was otherwise engaged.

Penny

Doing what?

Sheldon

Examining perturbative amplitudes in N = 4 Supersymmetric Theories, leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of Multi-loop N = 8 Supergravity using modern Twistor Theory.

Penny

Well, how about when you were 17?

Penny

I know this is none of my business, but I just... I have to ask -- what's Sheldon's deal?

Leonard

What do you mean, "deal"?

Penny

You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls…? Guys…? Sock puppets…?

Leonard

Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

Penny

Come on, everybody has a deal.

Howard

Not Sheldon. Over the years we've formulated a number of theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.

Penny

I'm sorry?

Howard

I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.

Leonard

On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.

Penny

Okay, well, thanks for the nightmares.

Sheldon

So what is the "down" and the "low", and don't worry, this is all entirely confidential, so you feel free to include any and all shortcomings in the bedroom.

Penny

We never got to the bedroom.

Sheldon

Because...?

Penny

OK, all right, you know what? I'll tell you what happened. We were young, we were very much in love, but we could only communicate through a time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.

Sheldon

It's not enough that you made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?!

Leonard

I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't want to go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, newsflash, Lady. David Underhill is ten times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike in his brain for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I am like one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is, what's up with that?

Penny

[crying] Why are you yelling at me?

Leonard

Sorry! I'm sorry sorry. Never mind. We're cool.

Penny

Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot.

Leonard

[chuckling] Really? Why would you say that?

Penny

Because. A smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.

Leonard

He tried to take nude photos of you?

Penny

[screaming] That's what you took from that?! The guy is married!

Leonard

Oh yeah. I'm sorr…oh, that's terrible!

Penny

Merry Christmas!

Leonard

Merry Christmas!

Penny

How's your leg?

Leonard

Very good. Thanks for asking. Come on in.

Sheldon

Oh good, Penny, you're here to exchange gifts. You'll be pleased to know that I'm prepared for whatever you have to offer.

Penny

[handing Sheldon his present] Ok, here.

Sheldon

Hmmm. [starts to open his present] I should note, I'm having some digestive distress, [Leonard shakes his head no] so if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed. [completes opening his present] Oh! A napkin.

Penny

Turn it over!

Sheldon

[becomes weak at the knees and has to sit down as he reads] "To Sheldon. Live long and prosper. Leonard Nimoy."

Penny

He came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin's dirty, he wiped his mouth with it.

Sheldon

[gasps] I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?!

Penny

Well…yeah, I guess. But look, he signed it!

Sheldon

[visibly shaking] Do you realize what this means?!?! All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!

Penny

Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

Penny

What about Howard and Raj, how did [Sheldon] become friends with them?

Leonard

I don't know...how do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.

Penny

Well yeah sure, when you put it that way.

Sheldon

I see no large upcoming expenditures, unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with Adamantium like Wolverine.

Penny

Are they working on that?

Sheldon

I sincerely hope so.

Penny

Oh, Leonard. If we moved in together, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you.

Leonard

Really?

Penny

And you thought my acting classes were a waste of money.

Penny

[going through a box to find Sheldon's USB] Okay, I've got a box, but there's no key in here. Just letters.

Sheldon

[edgy] That's the wrong box. Put it back.

Penny

Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?

Sheldon

Don't read those letters!

Penny

Oh look! She calls you Moon Pie! That is so cute!

Sheldon

PUT DOWN THE LETTERS!

Sheldon

I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.

Penny

Who's Radiohead?

Sheldon

[after twitching for a moment] I have a working knowledge of the important things.