[Kitty sees Red surrounded by girls in bikinis at the grand opening of his muffler shop]
Well, I hope you’re happy, Red Forman, because we are leaving! [to Hyde and Jackie] You two, get your A-S-Ses back to the car! [to the girls in bikinis] You two, get your B-O-O-Bs off my husband!
[Later, Kitty berates Red for his behavior in his car]
How could you, Red Forman?! Steven stayed with Jackie, but you went off and gave my funnel cake to those whores!
I was just trying to have a little fun!
Oh, yeah?! Well, you can take your fun and shove it up your—
[Red honks his car horn to block out Kitty's cursing]
Poor Donna. I think I hurt her pretty bad. Her neck’s stuck, just tilted over like this. But on the upside, it looks like she’s really interested in everything I have to say.
So, she’s got a bad neck. Quit whining. I’ve gone out with girls that don’t even have necks. [in high-pitched voice while tilting head up] “Hi, Fez!”
One time, this girl whipped her head around to look at me ‘cause I’m hot, and her neck just snapped. And then, she collapsed into the jukebox.
Kelso, that was the Fonz.
Well, where do you think they got it from?
Forman, forget being a chiropractor, man. The way I see it, you’re diligent, tidy, and detail-oriented. So I think you should become a professional… butt wiper.
Come on, man, this is serious. Eric, you gotta start off slow. First, you should be an amateur butt wiper.
What’s wrong with you two? So rude. Eric, I think you should move to Paris. That way you can become a butt wipier.
[Eric tries to explain a career choice the school suggested for him to Red, Kitty, and Donna]
Okay, there's this program, where you teach impoverished children for a year, and they pay for your college! I signed up!
See, I knew spending your college money would work out for the best. [smiles] You're welcome.
So, what impoverished area will you go to? [gasps] Is it east Milwaukee? [looks at Red for a second] I made a wrong turn there once and I ended up in an awful neighborhood...there were kids playing radios on a street corner. [Red shakes his head]
[smiling] No, I'm not going to Milwaukee.
[Hyde's father summons Hyde and Jackie to his office and explain something]
WBWilliam Barnett
Steven, I'm moving Angie to Milwaukee to get her away from the costumers. I love my little girl but you're the one who should be running that store, so [pats Hyde on shoulder] its yours. [returns to desk]
Wow [walks forward, Jackie follows] Uh, thanks man.
OH, MY GOD!! I OWN A RECORD STORE!!
No, I own a record store.
BBarnett
Actually, I own a record store.
I OWN ONE-THIRD OF A RECORD STORE!! [giggles]
BBarnett
Moving Angie here is gonna work out for everybody. See, I just got into this real snotty country club and they don't think I'm gonna be there much but I'm gonna be there all day everyday and I'm bringing friends so I need somebody around here looking after things...while I'm out making white people uncomfortable.
There’s nothing like drinking beer straight from the tap! [burps] This must be why babies love breast-feeding!
That reminds me of an ancient Chinese proverb. It goes… something, something, something, crazy girlfriend. Something, something, drink the last beer.
[gargles beer] Hyde, I don’t think we’re gonna find the answer to our problems in a keg of beer. [pause] Unless they’re at the bottom, so drink up!
CCharlie
I’ve been in this warehouse a hundred times, and I never drank this. Now, I know why my grandmother’s an alcoholic! This feels great!
[after spraying beer straight into his mouth] …I’m gonna need a bigger mouth.
So I gotta go over to Donna's and get my going-away present. Man, she is, like, the world's worst gift giver. Remember that ugly sweater vest and that huge man ring? Now, I gotta go get excited about some other lame thing. "Oh, wow, Donna, clown shoes. Thank you so much."
I wish I had a beautiful girl give me clown shoes. Hell, I'd settle for a beautiful clown giving me girl shoes.
I dated a clown once. But as soon as I learned how to make those balloon animals, I dumped her.
Why? Because you're so amazing and incredible that I simply couldn't exist in the same town as you knowing you couldn't make a commitment?
No, because you wrote me a note saying that you left town.
Want me to cover you up with the stinky blanket?
Oh, you want your privacy. I understand. We're just gonna go upstairs and listen through the vent.
[Hyde waits for Kelso and Fez to leave the basement]
So, what are you doing here, Jackie? You got something you wanna say to me?
Yes, I wanted to say that I'm leaving for real this time.
So, you came back to tell me that you're leaving again?
Yes, but this is good-bye.
Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
So, want to hang out next week?
I'm going. [walks away, then turns around] Unless... Unless, Steven, there's something you'd like to say. In which case, I'm listening.
[shouting from outside] Can you guys stand closer to the vent and talk louder?
[Eric receives a call]
Look, I just realized you're about to leave for Africa, and I won't get a chance to say good-bye in person. That makes me sad. I mean, you've always been very special to me.
Okay, Jackie, if there's a gun to your head, say the word cream cheese.
No, Eric, I'm just gonna miss you is all, okay? So just take care of yourself in Africa.
Okay. I will. Wait, you want to talk to who? You want to tell him you love him? Well, I don't know. You guys didn't really leave on the best of terms. Okay. Dad, telephone!
[Red and Kitty scold Eric, Hyde, Fez and Kelso after Red discovers the Circle]
I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years! I wish I had 2,000 feet, so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!
I'm shocked. The basement door closes, and out come the lighters and the drugs, and I am sure Donna's bouncing around there without a bra! It's like Amsterdam down there!
[to Fez]Did someone shove a vacuum up your nose and suck out your last and lonely brain cell?
[Fez pretends to grab Kitty's breast]
What is going on in your head? I am so disappointed in you boys. And here I thought it was my dryer that made our clothes smell funny.
[Hyde tilts his head in a high stupor and drools at a Twinkie on the cabinet next to Red]
Who taught you how to do this? Huh? Was it those damn Beatles? All you need is love? All you need is a job and a haircut!
[Red scolds Kelso and points to him]
And you! [Kelso imagines Kitty's and Red's heads switching each other's bodies while high] Wipe that stupid smirk off you, dopey, dope-fiend face!
Do you know what drugs do to you? They shrink your brain until one day you wake up, and you think you're superman and you can fly, and then you wind up jumping off the roof in your underpants.
Oh, this idiot doesn't need drugs for that. He does that every Saturday. [Kelso laughs and nods] Well, this is the worst thing that you have ever done! Eric, I am gonna make you... I am going to... well, I can't think of anything worse than sending you to Africa. You're going to Africa!
Crap, it's almost time for me to go get my shots. God, why do I have to get shots anyway? So I get yellow fever. I could use a little color.
You guys, this might be our last circle together. We're growing up. I mean, [Hyde and Kelso] have jobs, and Eric is off to start his life, and...I'm doing more shaving than ever.
Eric, I know you're scared of getting your shots, so I'm gonna be a pal and get 'em with you. 'Cause I owe you for that time I chucked that dead raccoon at you...and then, it turned out to not be dead. And then it bit you, and then you kicked it back at me, and then it bit me, and then we both had to go and get rabies shots.
Remember on the way to the hospital, Kelso saw that dog, and he jumped out of the car because he wanted to go pet it. But he forgot the car was moving and he broke his arm. It was the funniest, bloodiest, most rabies-filled day ever!
Look at us. Best friends offering to help each other. You know, we always have to remember this moment. [Red walks in on the circle behind Eric; everyone except Eric stares at Red] What?
I am in huge... trouble. [laughs]
[Kelso, Fez, and Donna forgot to bring beer. Charlie gives them a six-pack]
How much do we love this guy?
Charlie, it is so awesome hanging out with you.
CCharlie
Ah thanks guys, it feels so good to finally belong to something you know. It's like the first day of the rest of my life! [ leans against the railing, which breaks] WHOOHOO!
THE BEER! [gang looks down and hears a thud]
That was a pretty awkward landing...I hope he's okay.
Of course he's okay. It's not like anyone ever died falling off the water tower.
[narrating to tape recorder, in kitchen]...And so they renamed it the Charlie Richardson Memorial Water Tower.
[Jackie tries to hit on Donna's date, who walks away]
[rants off at bar patrons] Ah come back here! Nobody ignores Jerky Backhart! I am adorable! I am engaging and I'm DAMN likeable. And if you're too stupid to see that, then I feel sorry for you! [her dress slips off her shoulder] 'Cause if anyone should be the center of attention here, it's me.
Jackie! [tries to cover Jackie up]
Get off me! [Donna whispers something in her ear] What the hell is a "boobs out"? [looks down] AAARRGGHHHH!!!!
