It was awful. I saw Laurie, and everything just went blank, and I just ran. I just ran away. And then I heard these high-pitched screams.... and it was me.
Yeah? Well, I've got bigger problems. Fez is a good artist. He's gonna paint me onto a nudie poster, and sell it to every gaucho in Argentina, or wherever the hell he's from. Eric, I'm gonna be Ms. Nude Argentina.
You know, being here under the stars, sitting on the grass... makes me really glad I'm not poor.
Check out that fire, baby. Yeah, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's turning a small fire into a big fire. Man, that one guitar-shaped log is roarin'! [looks more closely into the fire] What the... Is that my guitar?!
[Eric is mad at Kelso for leaving the van unattended, thus making the gang miss their graduation ceremony]
What kind of a moron leaves the keys in the ignition?!
When I put the keys in my pocket, it distracts from my natural bulge! GOD!
Eric, we have to keep your father calm -- so no shenanigans.
Oh, Mom, I haven't shenaniganned in six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-do-welled. Just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing.
Now, let's get you upstairs for your nap. And Eric, he needs quiet, so no shenanigans.
Mom, please. I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well. Just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing.
[Red joins Hyde in the basement. Hyde is watching a football game and drinking soda]
Hey Steven. Where's your beer?
Kitty threw away all my beer, the Packers are down by 11, you're 18, I know you have beer, so where's your beer? [Hyde removes the outer part of the soda can, revealing beer.] I don't want used beer.
Well I might have a couple of fresh ones in the shower. [Red opens the curtain to reveal about 15 cases of beer] Yeah I'm running low, I should probably hit the store. [Red takes a six pack and sits down to watch the game with Hyde.]
[Jackie and Hyde are making out on Donna's bed]
Steven, I am so glad we are back together. I thought I lost my pudding pop forever.
You wanna hear something sick? I actually missed you calling me pudding pop. [They continue making out and Donna and Eric come in]
How many times have I told you guys not to make out on my bed? You guys are like cats; you don't even listen. [sprays Jackie and Hyde with water]
You're leaving tonight so technically this isn't your bed anymore. Besides I just can't keep my hands off my puddin' pop.
DEDonna and Eric
Puddin' Pop?
Is that supposed to be me? I never had that name before in my life.
[In the circle]
We should think about getting her something else. What do you think Puddin' pop?
Why does everyone keep callin' me that? My name's not Puddin' pop! I never heard that name before in my life! Forman's dead.
Hey, you guys think that's funny you should hear what Steven calls me. He calls me his- [Hyde shoves a piece of cake in her face] Hey! Oh hey, that's some good cake!
[after Kelso tries in vain to convince the others he had sex with Brooke, she comes to the basement]
BBrooke
Michael, we have to talk.
BBrooke
About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert.
[to Fez]
[to Donna]
[to Eric]
[to Hyde and Jackie]
[Kelso runs upstairs to the kitchen]
[to Red]
[Kelso runs back downstairs]
[To everyone calmly] Burn. We totally did it!
BBrooke
Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
[defensively] I never touched her!
Laverne is so annoying. Why does Shirley put up with her crap?
She has to. They're in love.
Again, Kelso, Laverne and Shirley are not lesbians.
Trust me, they're one bottle of wine away from making out, just like you two.
Laurie: well, look who the whore dragged in, herself. May I remind you you're married?
Oh, that's okay. The guy from last night was married, too.
[Red and Kitty walk in from the kitchen]
Oh, are you two at it again? Your green card is on the way. [to Kitty] I thought this marriage was over.
Laurie, I gave you fifty dollars last week to go down to the courthouse and file for divorce. What happened?
Well, I had to get a new makeup mirror and some wine.
Tomorrow we're going to the courthouse. [Red and Kitty walk away.]
Hmmmm, the courthouse is across town. I wonder if you can make it all the way there without sleeping with someone?
I bet I can make it there without sleeping with you. [Laurie walks away.]
[Two girls approach Eric]
RGRandom Girl #1
Oh, my God, Eric Forman! I love your shirt.
Really? I wore this shirt for four years and no one said a thing.
RGRandom Girl #2
I guess now you really fill it out!
Thanks. I'm, like, up to 17 push-ups a night, so..
RGRandom Girl #2
No, I don't think that's it. I think it's because you're not a high school boy any more.
RGRandom Girl #1
You're 18 now; you've seen and done it all.
No, no, I... Well, yes, yes, I have! [Kelso pulls Eric away.]
You better watch out, okay? Girls are talking to you. I think there might be a practical joke in the works.
No, man, I don't think so. I think it's because I graduated. Hyde, am I cool now?
Well, you're cool like margarine is butter... close, but there's a little aftertaste.
Okay, we're back, and uh, if my boyfriend's listening, you're late and I'm a little worried you're trapped in a snowdrift or something. So, honey, if you're cold, I'm with you, baby. Okay, so let's take some requests, hello, you're on the air.
GAGirl at Dance
Hi, I'd like to dedicate He's the Greatest Dancer by Sister Sledge to Eric Forman, the coolest guy at the Christmas dance.
What? He's still at the dance?
GAGirl at Dance
Sorry, I have to go. He's telling us about his boat.
That sneaky bastard. Uh, that sneaky bastard Santa Claus is on his way with a non-stop block of classic Christmas tunes, and remember, you're listening to WFPP with me, Hot Donna. [sizzling sound] You hear that, Eric Forman? That's not bacon, that's your ass when I get a hold of you.
Hey, maybe a good way to break the ice is for everyone to tell a little about themselves. I'll go first... I like makeup and diets. And Steven here likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
BBrooke
Okay, well, I was valedictorian of my class, I run marathons and tutor kids in Latin.
Well, I egged the valedictorian of my class, a marathon runner -- oh, and some kids that took Latin.
BBrooke
So how do you all know each other?
Well, Michael and I dated for, like, three years.
Then I stole her from him.
Nah, nah, you never could have stole her if I didn't cheat on her first.
BBrooke
Okay. Wait a minute.
It, uh... that sounds a lot worse than what it is. I only cheated on her with Eric's sister, and the rest of the girls were when we were on a break because I annoyed her. But none of those were sisters except the two that were sisters.
He brought up the sisters. Awesome.
BBrooke
Okay, this was a mistake. I think I'm going to go.
No, Brooke, wait... I've been with a lot of chicks, a lot... a lot... a lot.
Look, just let me start over... We might not be the perfect match, okay, but I really, really like you. I think maybe us having this baby together is, like, fate.
BBrooke
Michael, fate is when two people meet on a train or in Paris, not in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert. [gets up and leaves.]
Fate. Man, never use a word in a fight if you don't really really know what it means.
