Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?
Dudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.
KKeswick
We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!
It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [looks at his reflection, then whimpers and fills up the cone with his tears] WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!
KKKitty, Keswick and Chief
[all horrified at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!
Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.
Keswick, activate the rash shield!
KKeswick
Agents Katswell and snack bowl, Snaptrap is at the movie theater. If you act fast, you can… [stutters] confiscate the invisibility helmet.
And tell him to put back the joke of the day.
What's this, visible losers? I'm gonna sneak into the theater and I'm totally not paying.
TSTicket Salesman
Your totally paying for the floating head. [Ollie sighs and gives him some money]
KKeswick
Guys? I have new intel. But first, (Agent Puppy,) I want to show my brother-in-law that… [stutters] silly cone you're wearing. [His brother-in-law: Stan, appears next to him] Check it out, Stan. Was I right? [he and Stan both laugh at Dudley's cone] Anyway, we just learned Snaptrap's… [stutters] heading to the water park.
KKewswick
[shrugs] How should I know? You're the secret agents. Keswick out. No, wait. Stan wants to see the cone again.
KKeswick
[washing the garbage off of Kitty with a hose] Kitty, I've got a very important question for you.
You wanna know how Dudley's getting all the credit for stopping Snaptrap when he clearly has no idea what he's doing?!
KKeswick
Actually, I was going to ask if you could give me Iron Mutt's autograph. It's for my mother. Her name's Keswick.
[bursting through the walls] I meant to do that.
KKeswick
It's Iron Mutt! [screams in a girlishly voice]
You want to be my sidekick, you're gonna need a much cooler costume than that.
[Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and the Chief are all riding on the grand opening of the Petropolis Monotrail]
[hearing Keswick moaning] Keswick, are you all right?
KKeswick
[nauseous] Not really. I'm prone to… [stutters] motion sickness, [holds up a jar mayonnaise as his face turns green with envy] and that jar of warm mayonnaise I ate isn't helping. [dry heaves as his face turns purple]
What do we do now, Keswick?
[recovering; acting as Keswick] I can assure you there are a number of options, none of which your… [stutters] puny minds can grasp. [Keswick grins at Kitty, embarrassingly] Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work on the Lady Keswick I've been building!
KKeswick
How do you know about that?! [hesitantly] I mean, I'm not… [stutters] building a Lady Keswick.
Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!
KCKeswick, Chief and Kitty
[all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!
DKDudley, Kitty, Keswick and Chief
[as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!
KKeswick
Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.
[Kitty takes the device and puts it on her head, listening to the Chief's thoughts]
[thinking] Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.
[gasps in angered shock] I knew it! You hate my cookies!
Wow, Chief. Do you hate Christmas, too? Well, let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the device on his head]
[as Dudley picks his nose; thinking] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob!
[hurtfully] You think I'm a slob?!
Uh, look, dog food that makes its own gravy!
KKeswick
[takes the device away] Grow up! Clearly you people lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this, though, that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…
[thinking] Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.
KKeswick
Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up in heartbreak] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, bawling, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]
I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?
KKeswick
I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks down into tears] Cry, weep, sob!
You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.
Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.
[over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.
KKeswick
Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]
[shivering with his tail all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman. [pooch chases the turkey mailman]
KKeswick
What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?
[in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?
I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own mailman! Am I hot, or what?
KKeswick
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.
No, I mean, it's getting warm in here!
KKeswick
[in a quarantine bubble with a red stuffy nose] That's some nose you've got, Agent Puppy. I can't smell a… [stutters] thing. I have such a… [stutters] bad cold, I've quarantined myself. [sneezes and gets mucus all over inside the bubble] That's the last time I lick a hand-rail at the hospital. [an alarm suddenly goes off] Uh-oh. I'm getting intel that the Stink Bug is on the loose!
KKeswick
A diabolical bug villain who stinks, duh! It's right in his name. Because of his rancid smell, we drove him out of … [stutters] town.
Actually, we just told him to take a shower, but he made a big stink about it and left, vowing revenge!
KKeswick
Well, he's back, and he's robbing the Limburger… [stutters] Cheese Factory. [sneezes]
Wow. Dudley is a terrible chief. Luckily, all of the city's worst villains are out of commission.
KKeswick
Are they in jail?
No, they're at an evil softball tournament in Petsburgh.
[Snaptrap, Bird Brain, and the Chameleon are seen playing there]
I stole home! Seriously, I stole it. I also swiped the ref's watch. Start the car, Larry!
KKeswick
Well, if all the bad guys are out there playing softball, then there's nothing to worry about.
[Lightning flashes over the city and the face of a new villain appears]
It's time to give Petropolis something to worry about! [holding a meeting in a diner with Wanna-Bee, Fiddler Crab, and Escape Goat] I call to order the first meeting of the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators: "F.L.O.P.P.!" Role call! Meerkat, oh that's me. And I'll have you know I'm no mere cat, I'm the MEERKAT! Get it, Mere Cat. [pulls out a sign with "Mere Cat" at the top and "Meerkat" at the bottom] See the difference? You kinda have to write it down. [throws the sign away] Moving on… Wanna-Bee?
I'm here and I wanna be bad!
Oooh, I like your moxie. Missing Lynx, eh missing as usual. Fiddler Crab? [Fiddler Crab plays a fiddle note on his violin but one of the strings snap and hit him in the eye] Oh, that's a snappy ditty. Escape Goat?
I'm here, and I'm forming my greatest escape yet! Has anyone seen a tiny key?!
Time to brainstorm a fiendish plan!
Yeah! Let's do something super bad! [falls into the creamer]
Oh, dear, he's fallen in the creamer! Someone throw him a swizzle stick!
Here's an evil plan. Why don't we dine and dash? Ha-ha!
Ooh, that's super evil! Let's do it!
Wolf Spitzer here with beloved children's TV host, and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck. We're at the grand opening of Quacky's new restaurant: Quack in the Box.
Hey, kids! You're gonna love what's on the menu. It's better than prison food and I should know.
I'm only gonna say this once, "Eat here or else!"
Okay, Sharing Moose. Save that charm for the drive-thru window.
Quacky's got a restaurant? Let's hurry and beat the crowd!
KKeswick
Looks like the Sharing Moose is already… [stutters] doing that.
I said get in line, grandma!
[speechless] I can't believe you guys are buying this. Do I need to remind you that Quacky tied me and Dudley to a rocket and fired us into space?
KKeswick
Kitty, you have to learn to forgive and forget.
Really? I bet Dudley hasn't forgiven or forgotten.
KITTY! DID YOU SEE ME ON TV?!
I can't believe you're still into Quacky. He's a deranged lunatic who tried to annihilate us. Ooh! The Math Moth! He taught me long division and how to eat a wool sweater.
KKeswick
Boy, Quacky's food really hits the spot. It's just the right blend of farming pesticides and irradiated artificial meat filler.
Whoa, Agent Puppy! Is that the Phonics Fox? You know, I've always had a crush on her. How do I look?
KKeswick
Uh, Chief, you know she's not real.
Just because she's a lifeless plastic toy doesn't mean she's not real.
KKeswick
That's exactly what it means. Looks like somebody needs to talk to the Sanity Seagull.
T.U.F.F. Puppy · 225 quotes
