I still can't believe T.U.F.F. agents get to take vacations. Aren't we supposed to be protecting the world from evil?
Don't worry, Dudley, T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. have a longstanding agreement to take a vacation in the last week of August.
[Cut to D.O.O.M. Headquarters]
We're not taking a vacation!
OFOllie, Francisco, Larry and Skunk
[disappointed] Aww…
But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.
You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!
Mmm! What are these delicious crumbly things?
OOllie
[takes out blue cheese] Blue cheese, boss.
Waaah! [he starts puffing up]
OOllie
Come to think of it, aren't you allergic to cheese?
Well, thank you, Captain Obvious!
Yuck! My mom packed me pimento loaf again. [to Ollie, threatening to trade with him] Trade with me or perish! [takes a bite of the sandwich] Oh, this is delicious! What is it?
OOllie
[hesitantly] Grilled cheese on cheese bread.
What?! [shrieks] I'm horribly allergic to cheese! [swells up]
Ha! A rat that's allergic to cheese! [he, Ollie, and Bad Dog all laugh]
[bangs his fist on the table] SILENCE! I'm aware of the irony.
I'm gonna use this invisibility helmet to get into the movies for free! [laughs manically]
OOllie
[cockney accent] I don't mean to criticize, boss, but why not use the helmet for something a bit more villainous?
Yeah, like sneaking into Petropolis prison and releasing all the most evil inmates.
OOllie
[answering the phone] Diabolical Order of Mayhem. We deliver evil in 30 minutes or it's free.
Hey, it's Snaptrap. I've fallen in love with a lady dog at the laundromat, and I'm resigning as the leader of D.O.O.M. Tell Larry I'll miss him least of all. Snaptrap out… forever. [hangs up]
OOllie
Hey, everyone. Snaptrap quit! Dibs on his stuff!
That was hard. They were devastated.
Snaptrap, you're going to jail for blowing up the "Say Cheese" store.
You know, it's weird. I've blown up a lot of combination cheese-and-camera shops, but I don't remember blowing up the one in Petsburg.
OOllie
Actually, boss, according to your schedule, we were at the D.O.O.M. picnic the day that store was blown up.
Wait a minute. If you didn't blow it up, then who did? [to Chameleon] Chameleon?
Fine! I confess! It was me! I transformed myself into Snaptrap, and framed him! There, I said it! You broke me down! Your incredible psychological tactics are impossible to resist! I hope you are satisfied.
I was just going to ask you if you had the key to unlock these handcuffs.
[facepalms himself] Oh, darn it!
Why'd you do it, Chameleon?
To get rid of my criminal competition. Also, I wanted a free ride to Petsburg. There's a publisher there who rejected my book. I was going to put a very lonely rattlesnake in his bed!
That means I'm innocent! I get to go home.
Not so fast! You may not have blown up the store, but you still tried to annihilate the Chameleon and me. You're going to jail!
Let's not play the blame game.
[D.O.O.M. Headquarters; 3 to 5 years later…]
[as he and his friends walk in; bummed] Well, that was a rough three to five years. I wonder if this carton of milk I left on the table is still good. Drink it, Francisco! [Francisco drinks the carton of spoiled milk, making his face turn green and collapses] Let's go steal some more milk at grocery store! I'll call T.U.F.F. and tell them.
Snaptrap, don't you get it by now? We keep on getting caught 'cause you always tell T.U.F.F. our plans!
[in denial] I'm sorry, Larry. I can't hear you… FROM THE SHARK TANK! [pulls the lever, opening the shark tank underneath Larry and the sharks begin mauling him] Wow, you can really tell the sharks haven't eaten in three to five years.
[climbing out; fed up and outraged] That's it! I've had enough! You're a big, stinky bully, and I quit! [walks off with purpose]
Sticks and stones, Larry! Seriously, guys. Throw sticks and stones at him!
[Ollie and Francisco throw sticks and stones at Larry as he exits]
I have exciting news fellas! With Larry gone, you two get to take turns in the shark tank.
OOllie
[as he and Francisco look at each other and make a run for it] Wait up, Larry!
[digs into his pockets] Darn it! I'm out of sticks and stones! Well, who needs those losers? I'm the only smart one around here anyway.
[sitting in his chair, wearing his bunny slippers and robe; bummed] Woe is me. [sighs with depression]
OOllie
Oh, are you depressed, boss?
Well, yes. Also, I've changed my name to "Woe."
[shouting angrily] IT'S "WOE", LARRY!
Come on, guys. Someone's gotta have a diabolical plan. What's the point of having a think tank if no one has any ideas?
I'm not sure this is a think tank, Snaptrap.
What are you talking about? We're thinking, and we're in a tank. Plus, I'm wearing a tank top. Now, somebody come up with an evil plan before we run out of air.
SSSnaptrap's Mom
[through speaker] Verminious! What did you do to my toe cream?
It's under your bunion cream, Mom! It's gross, guys. Her feet have more bumps than the surface of the moon.
SSSnaptrap's Mom
Verminious! How many stamps do I need to send an email?
Boy, mom's are the worst.
Yeah, tell me about it. This one time I didn't clean up my room, and my mom tried to turn me into a pair of boots.
OOllie
My mom was equally horrid. Her crumpets were dry and lumpy.
I love my mommy. She's cool. She always takes care of me when I get hurt.
I hope you have her on speed dial. Hey, all this mom talk gave me an idea for a diabolical plan. We'll build a giant space laser, point it at my house, and when my mom's looking up at it, I'll run away from home!
OOllie
Or we could just send all the mom's in Petropolis to a deserted island.
Why would we reward them from being super annoying by taking them to a whimsical all you can eat dessert restaurant?
OOllie
Not Dessert Island. A deserted island.
Ooh, I like it! All in favor of ridding Petropolis of all mom's, stand up. Hey, guys, what are we all doing in this tank?
OOllie
Grilled panini with warm gravy, boss?
Thanks, Ollie. It smells delightful. Do me a favor. Go toss Larry in the wood chipper we stole from the lumberjack wedding.
Looks like we're back in the wedding fashion business.
Don't be a dope, Chameleon. We've already stolen more stuff than we have room for. Right, Snaptrap?
We'll have more room once you're in the bark bucket.
OOllie
Well, there is one good thing about your indecisiveness, boss. Because you couldn't decide what to steal, we didn't have to spend that much time in prison.
[accidentally pushes Ollie into the shark tank] Oh, stop trying to make me feel better. [sharks are biting Ollie] Let's face it. My inability to make choices is gonna ruin my criminal career. Or is it? I can't decide. I'm just gonna watch TV in my bone-bag chair.
Don't you mean beanbag chair?
That's ridiculous. Who puts beans in a chair? [sits on a cushion of bones]
[Dudley and Kitty serve the D.O.O.M. agents some waffles with Truth Syrup on them, making them all tell the truth]
These are delicious. Francisco, pass me more syrup.
My name isn't really Francisco. It's Francesca. My mom wanted a girl. [realizes what he said] Wait, what am I saying?
OOllie
Aw, that's okay, Francesca. I'm not really British. [in a French accent] I just faked the accent to sound smarter.
Something weird is happening. Suddenly I have the urge to tell Larry that I don't actually hate him. I'm only hard on him because I think he has the most potential to be evil.
And I have the urge to admit I've been putting black widows in your gym bag. [realizes what he said; freaking out] What's gotten into us?!
I just gave you truth syrup, and I didn't have to tell you because I can lie again. Keswick gave us the antidote-- Key Lie Pie!
[At D.O.O.M. Headquarters… Snaptrap is dressed up in a Bigfoot costume]
OOllie
Great plan, boss. Dressing up like Bigfoot so you can scare people out of their houses was a stroke of genius!
Oh, that wasn't my plan. I was just trying on this cheesy costume for the D.O.O.M. costume party, and I must be allergic to it. Anywho, my glands swelled up like balloons, and now I can't get this stupid thing off.
OOllie
Then what were you doing in Wolf Spitzer's house?
Looking for an antihistamine. Then everyone ran out screaming, so I did what I always do, I took all their stuff.
So once again, you had no plan at all.
T.U.F.F. Puppy · 225 quotes
