Chameleon quotes from T.U.F.F. Puppy

Chameleon

Kids, being a supervillain is a great career! If you want something, you just steal it! Like I did with these pizzas. Also, supervillains can stay up past 10:00 on a weeknight!

Chief

[enters T.U.F.F. Headquarters and sees all filed papers piled everywhere and is in a complete wreck] What in blazes?! Have we been attacked by D.O.O.M.?!

Kitty

No, Chief. We're just a little disorganized since we lost our secretary.

Chief

The secretary quit?!

No, we literally lost her. She took a 10-minute break, stuff piled up, and we never… [stutters] saw her again. Rosemary, if you can hear us, shoot up a flare!

Chief

This is a nightmare! We've gotta hire a new secretary! (But who?)

Chameleon

So, they need a new secretary, hmm? Now I have the perfect cover to get into T.U.F.F.! [disguises himself as a female French poodle] I am now Fifi Ouioui! French poodle secretary! I'll need a convincing French accent. [clears throat] Sacre bleu. Croissant. Eiffel Tower. Perfect! What's not so perfect is that French poodles can't stick to walls! [falls and hits the ground] As they say in France, ow là là!"

Chief

[as he and all the T.U.F.F. agents evacuate the building] I love it when we evacuate!

Chameleon

[transforms back into himself while disguised as a salad dressing bottle; cackles] I fooled them all! Now to make my escape! [presses his hand on the scanner and it buzzes, trapping him in the elevator] Whoops. I forgot about the scanner!

Kitty

[confused] Wait a minute. Why is our real estate agent giving us ammunition?

Dudley

And isn't it a little coincidental that she rented us both the same office?

Kitty

[blocking Bunny's way from tiptoeing to the door; suspicious] Something tells me that she's not really a real real estate agent at all!

Dudley

For real?

[nervously clinging to the ceiling] I don't know what you're talking about. [in the Chameleon's voice] Ooh, silverfish!

Dudley

Wait a minute! I'd recognize that tongue anywhere!

It's the Chameleon!

Chameleon

Yes! [drops down on the ground, transforming back into his own self; laughing maniacally] It is I, The Chameleon! I only disguised myself as Bunny, your real estate agent, just like I disguised myself as your new field agents, Weaselman and Rodentski!

Bird Brain

Well played, Agent Puppy. But I knew it was you all along.

Snaptrap

Yeah, that's why you led that heroic charge into the Ancient Greek trash compactor.

Chameleon

Quit fighting and let's make a run for it!

Kitty

Dudley, it's time to take out the trash!

Chameleon

Ooh, I hope we can get the same cell. Then we'll really get to bond. Can I get a "team evil?"

Bird Brain

No, please! Put me in solitary!

Kitty

[in high-pitched voice] Wait, kids, think about your future!

Dudley

[laughs; also in high-pitched voice] Kitty, you sound funny! Hey, listen to me! I'm Tiny Dudley! A little secret agent who lives in a thimble, and eats mini-mini waffles! Now you say something funny.

Kitty

I hear a beeping sound.

Dudley

I don't get it.

Chameleon

Forgot the pirate-themed forks.

Dudley

[groans] Now I get it. Tiny Dudley drives a mini minivan. [back at T.U.F.F. Headquarters; still in high-pitched voice] I can't believe those kids turned evil!

Kitty

Dudley, the gas wore off ten minutes ago.

Dudley

I know, I just like talking like this. [now in low-pitched voice] I also like talking like this.

Chameleon

Good work, kids! Time to open the presents. [opens the first present, revealing a massage chair] Ooh, a massage chair! It's from the Chameleon. Oh, I shouldn't have. [shocked as all the kids begin opening presents] Oh, what are you doing?! All the presents are mine!

But we helped steal 'em. They're ours too.

Yeah!

Chameleon

That tears it! I mean, stop tearing it! [takes out a remote] This is an override for your transformation suits. It's also a curling iron. I stole it from the pointless gadget store, eh! Now I control what you become! [zaps the kids, turning them into bugs and puts them into a bowl]

Why did you turn us into bugs, weird lizard man? I thought we were your friends.

Chameleon

You were my friends, until you touched my stuff! Now you're my supper! Notice, Agent Katswell, I didn't turn any of them into vegetables. Time to chow down.

Kitty

Dudley, we have to save those kids!

Dudley

Now's our chance to show them what being a secret agent is all about! Luckily, I still have my thermo-nuclear thermos. [presses the button with his tongue] Wow, that's hot root beer!

Kitty

Another thing about secret agents, kids… [uses the remote to change the kids back into themselves] They also get to kick some bad guy butt!

Chameleon

Okay, I get the point! [laughs] I'm clever, even when I'm losing.

Dudley

Snaptrap, you're going to jail for blowing up the "Say Cheese" store.

Snaptrap

You know, it's weird. I've blown up a lot of combination cheese-and-camera shops, but I don't remember blowing up the one in Petsburg.

Actually, boss, according to your schedule, we were at the D.O.O.M. picnic the day that store was blown up.

Dudley

Wait a minute. If you didn't blow it up, then who did? [to Chameleon] Chameleon?

Chameleon

Fine! I confess! It was me! I transformed myself into Snaptrap, and framed him! There, I said it! You broke me down! Your incredible psychological tactics are impossible to resist! I hope you are satisfied.

Dudley

I was just going to ask you if you had the key to unlock these handcuffs.

Chameleon

[facepalms himself] Oh, darn it!

Dudley

Why'd you do it, Chameleon?

Chameleon

To get rid of my criminal competition. Also, I wanted a free ride to Petsburg. There's a publisher there who rejected my book. I was going to put a very lonely rattlesnake in his bed!

Snaptrap

That means I'm innocent! I get to go home.

Dudley

Not so fast! You may not have blown up the store, but you still tried to annihilate the Chameleon and me. You're going to jail!

Snaptrap

Let's not play the blame game.

Chameleon

[disguised as a pot plant, then shapeshifts into a wolf citizen] Hello! It is I, the Chameleon-- I mean, Lord of the Flies! [holds up a plate of flies] Here, have a fly. I'm sorry, I'm all out of silverfish. Oh, tally-ho, English muffin, fish and chips! [looks at the Queen's crown] And now, to make my move! [transforms into his regular self, laughs evilly while crawling up the wall, attaches himself to the ceiling and rappels down onto the Queen's crown with his tail and tries to pull it off] What is this? A crown or a bike helmet?! And why is there a cake inside of it?!

Guards! Stop this thief at once!

Oh, jolly good, tea time!

Chameleon

No tea for me. I'm filled up on flies. Well, if I can't take the crown, I will have to take you! [grabs the Queen and escapes through the chimney]

Kitty

[flying over; to Dudley through her wrist-com] Dudley, the Chameleon's got the Queen! [The Chameleon turns himself into a British taxi with the Queen inside and drives away] Where are you?

Dudley

[still in prison tower] Over here.

Kitty

It sure is easy when they tell us when and where they're committing their crimes. What boobs.

Chameleon

Hello?! These boobs have ears!

Kitty

Oh! Sorry, Chameleon.

Chameleon

[disguised as Kitty's mother] When are you going to get married? Why don't you call me on my birthday?! Why can't you be more like your sister?!

Kitty

My sister's in jail!

Chameleon

Yes, but she used her one phone to call me on my birthday!

Kitty

[with her face turning red of fury] STOP COMPARING ME TO HER! I'M PRETTY, TOO!!

Chameleon

Actually, your shoulders are a little large, and we all know why you always wear gloves.

Snaptrap

Attention T.U.F.F., soon there won't be candy for anyone.

Bird Brain

Because we're stealing it. If you leave that part out, it's confusing.

Chameleon

It was clear to me.

Bird Brain

That's because you know the plan. The T.U.F.F. agents don't!

Snaptrap

Fellas, as much as I hate you two, I think we should put out a United Front for the good guys.

Bird Brain

And I think you should be more clear when you call in a threat!

Chameleon

Oh, come on. United Front, group hug.

Snaptrap

Villains out! Stop touching me, weirdo.

Bird Brain

Oh, no! Agent Puppy's awake! I blame you two numbskulls. You haven't done anything right since we moved in together.

Snaptrap

Excuse me, but we've been carrying your booby butt since day one. The Chameleon does all the cooking, and I threaten to shoot the pool man so he wouldn't overcharge us.

Bird Brain

We do not have a pool man.

Snaptrap

Pool man, little kid looking for a lost baseball. The point is, I pull my weight!

Chameleon

Now, now. Let's not blame each other. I've got another plan to delay Agent Puppy.

Snaptrap

See? Why can't you be more like The Chameleon?

Chameleon

[hugs Snaptrap] Aww, that's sweet.

Snaptrap

Don't touch me, weirdo.

Bird Brain

Time for my plan, which I'm calling the "not stupid" plan. [sees The Chameleon stuck in meatball form] [to Chameleon] Why are you still a meatball?

Chameleon

My transformation suit broke when Agent Puppy ran me over. This is bad. Charmaine hates Italian food.

Bird Brain

No one cares!