Dudley Puppy quotes from T.U.F.F. Puppy

No one is leaving till you all clean your plates! And by "clean your plates", I mean, "CEASE TO EXIST!!!"

Dudley

Wait a minute. Lunch Lady Bug? It was you all along? But why?

Because I've put up with you insulting my food for years, and now, destroying your reunion will be my revenge!

Dudley

[to Kitty] She's crazy!

Kitty

Duh! She put snakes in her Spanish rice!

And now, I will drown you all with this giant vat of gravy! [laughs manically] The sweet taste of revenge! Actually, it's a little lumpy. [laughs] The lumpy taste of revenge!

Dudley

Wait, Lunch Lady Bug! Not everyone hates your food! I love it and I always have! Your bratwurst are the wurst-bests, I mean, best-wursts-- wow, I have to go to the bathroom.

Who cares what you think? You're just an assistant to an apprentice rodeo clown.

Dudley

No, I'm not! I'm a super-cool T.U.F.F. agent! Okay, I can't get the barrel off, but underneath it is an awesome black t-shirt, which come to think of it, really doesn't prove anything.

Kitty

The point is, he isn't a clown, and I'm not really a hairless cat!

Dudley

Yes, you are.

Kitty

I mean… I'm a T.U.F.F. agent too!

I don't care who you are! In a few seconds, you'll be a garnish on my dish of death!

Dudley

Kitty, we'll have to fight food with food! Set your blaster to mashed potato!

Kitty

That's ridiculous! There's no setting for-- [sees the "mashed potato" setting on her blaster, thinking Dudley was right] Oh, look, there it is!

Kitty

Dudley, Snaptrap's sub is getting away! Do you know what this means?

Dudley

It means that only millionaires will be able to eat movie popcorn.

Kitty

No, it means... Okay, let's just go with that. Come on! Give me the pen, Dudley. I'll use it to call the Chief.

Wolf Spitzer

Quacky, isn't it a little coincidental that the T.U.F.F. agent who put you behind bars is the winner of your contest?

Quacky

Yeah, coincidental. That's what it is. Definitely not part of a sinister revenge plan that carved on a prison wall with a sharpened toothbrush.

Dudley

I WON! I WON! I STILL CAN'T BREATHE!

Quacky

Besides, Agent Puppy is my biggest fan and he'd do anything to make Quack in the Box a success.

You hear that, Wolf-man? [gets into Wolf Spitzer's face] Agent Puppy would do anything.

Dudley

I'd stop at nothing!

Dudley

KITTY! DID YOU SEE ME ON TV?!

Kitty

I can't believe you're still into Quacky. He's a deranged lunatic who tried to annihilate us. Ooh! The Math Moth! He taught me long division and how to eat a wool sweater.

Boy, Quacky's food really hits the spot. It's just the right blend of farming pesticides and irradiated artificial meat filler.

Chief

Whoa, Agent Puppy! Is that the Phonics Fox? You know, I've always had a crush on her. How do I look?

Uh, Chief, you know she's not real.

Chief

Just because she's a lifeless plastic toy doesn't mean she's not real.

That's exactly what it means. Looks like somebody needs to talk to the Sanity Seagull.

Wolf Spitzer

Wolf Spitzer here. Agent Puppy, did you destroy Argh-by's because you're a crazed Quacky the Duck fan and want to eliminate the competition?

Dudley

What? No! That's ridic--

Wolf Spitzer

There you have it. Proof positive that it's raining cats.

Dudley

[in Kitty's body after using Keswick's Brain Switcher to switch his brain with hers] (Yes!) It worked! Now as far as anyone knows, I'm Kitty. And that's just me asleep on the floor again. Now to make a date with Jack. [calls Jack's number; badly imitating Kitty] Hi, Jack. It's Kitty. I got your message.

Kitty, what's wrong with your voice?

Uh, I have a fur ball in my throat, because I'm a cat, and not a dog with my brain inside a cat's body. [laughs nervously] Wanna meet for lunch?

Love to. Meet me at 12:00 at our Our Old Hangout.

Uh… I don't remember where that is, and not because I'm just pretending to be Kitty and don't know you that well. [laughs nervously again]

Actually, we've never been there before. "Our Old Hangout" is the name of a new restaurant on main street. I'll see you there.

Beware Jack Rabbit. There's a new Kitty in town, and her name is Dumpley Puppy! [falls to the floor] Aah! I twisted my ankle! [Later shows up at Our Old Hangout restaurant where Jack is waiting] Hi, Jackie-poo! [accidentally trips on him while having trouble walking in Kitty's boots] Sorry, I'm late. I had to put on my lady face. [giggles]

Kitty, It's good to see you. I thought about you a lot while I was in the slammer.

Well, you deserved to be in jail. [slaps Jack in the face]

[points to his convertible car outside] Actually, The slammer is my high powered European sports car. It's an XJ-5 Convertible.

Yeah? Well, your fancy car doesn't impress me. I only came here to tell you, I want nothing to do with you! Oh, and to do this! [splashes a glass of water in Jack's face] And this! [squirts ketchup in his face] And maybe this too! [pushes a stick of butter on his forehead] And don't bother wiping your face, 'cause I never want to see it again!

Just so you know, after my free lunch, free dessert, and free to-go order, I never wanna see you again!

Oh, I beg you, Kitty. Spend the day with me. [takes out his credit card] I'll take you anywhere you wish to go.

Anywhere?

Kitty

[in Dudley's body] Dudley's gotta be here. He eats every meal at Mr. Wong's all-you-can-eat buffet.

Dudley Puppy! I told you to never come back! You paid $6.95 and ate $10,000 worth of food!

I did?

And what you didn't eat, you stuffed in your shirt for later!

Oh! Eww!

You're gonna pay, one way or another!

[on the phone] I'd like to order a dune buggy, and a pot roast the size of a dune buggy.

Dudley, have you gone crazy?! Why did you trade brians with me?

Keep your shirt on! I don't want my Chinese noodles to fall out. [Kitty groans angrily at him] Look, I know you're mad, but I did it to protect you from Jack Rabbit. I was afraid he'd try and do something bad to you again. But as it turns out, he's an awesome guy who just left his sunglasses in the top secret T.U.F.F. computer room.

What?! Jack's back?! Dudley, he used his charms to trick you!

Actually, he used it to buy me a dune buggy. I love him, Kitty!

Snaptrap

[in Kitty's body after switching brains with him] Wow! I can get even bigger tips now!

Dudley

Hi-YAH! [punches Snaptrap in the nose, knocking him out] Take that, Snaptrap! [to Kitty] Sorry, Kitty. I think I broke your nose.

[comes out of the top secret computer room] The list is on this flash drive, Snaptrap.

Kitty

[imitating Snaptrap while in his body] Yeah. That's who I am. Snaptrap and not a girl cat in a really gross rat's body. Are there noodles in my shirt? Do all guys do this?

[tosses the flash drive in "Snaptrap's" hands] You've got your list. Now, give me my money.

Kitty

No chance, Jack. 'Cause I'm not really Snaptrap. [picks up the Brain Switcher; in normal voice] I'm Kitty Katswell!

Dudley

[in Jack's body; imitating Jack's voice] Here's my credit card, Mr. Wong. It should cover all the food Dudley ate. And all the food he's planning to eat in the future.

[takes the credit card; kindly] Thank you, wise and handsome stranger. [leaves the building]

Kitty

That chocolate volcano is gonna blow! We're going to get buried in hot fudge!

Dudley

[excitedly] Yay, hot fudge! [the fudge lands on his nose and burns him; painfully] OW, HOT FUDGE!

Wolf Spitzer

Wolf Spitzer here for Access Hollywolf. I'm with former kid show host and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck, and his scary partner, the Sharing Moose. They are out of prison and making their first feature film.

Quacky

Which is definitely a real movie, and not a villainy cover up for heinous crimes.

That's right. I spent a year in solitary writing the screenplay.

Quacky

Seriously? You actually wrote a real screenplay?

It's a touch in celebration of life. And if the actors mess it up, they will never forget the taste of my FIST!

Wolf Spitzer

And who are these lucky actors of what you speak?

Quacky

Well, Wolf, we cast three local suckers, I mean, local citizens in the starring roles.

Kitty

[turns off the screen] What kind of idiots would wanna star in a Quacky the Duck movie?

Dudley

KITTY, WE'RE STARRING IN A QUACKY THE DUCK MOVIE!

Chameleon

[putting money in a safe vault in the wall of a motel room] This is my best plan yet! Soon, I'll have more money than I currently have! Plus, the old-lady sheep seem to really enjoy the Latin charms of Ricardo Muttonban. [disguises himself as Ricardo] Right until I take all of their money, that is! With this disguise, it's so easy to pull the wool over their eyes. Oh-ho, wow! That was clever, and it rhymed. Clever wordplay is the hallmark of comedy!

Wolf Spitzer

This is Wolf Spitzer with rich-people news. New super-easy-to-take-advantage-of socialite Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is throwing a cotillion.

Dudley

[speaking in a falsetto accent] Which is a dance, and not the number that comes after a billion, like you would think.

Wolf Spitzer

This is Wolf Spitzer saying, "No one thought that." Anyway, every rich, old sheep in town is invited to Lady Wrinklesmith's yacht tonight.

Chameleon

That Wrinklesmith's face could stop a clock. [shudders in disgust] But I wonder how much she's worth?

Wolf Spitzer

In case you're wondering how much Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is worth, it's--

Dudley

A cotillion dollars!

Wolf Spitzer

We've been over this. That's not a number.

Snaptrap

Greetings, T.U.F.F. It is I, Verminious Snaptrap! I've captured all the annoying mom's in Petropolis, and now I'm sending them to a deserted island! You're welcome.

Dudley

Dessert Island? Awesome! Can I go?

Peg

Not until after dinner. You'll spoil your appetite.

Dudley

Ah! Let me do my man things, mom!

Snaptrap

Whoops. Sorry, Agent Puppy. Looks like I missed your mom. Don't worry, I'll get her. [Peg and Dudley look at each other] Snaptrap out!

Chief

Aah! No! That monster has my mommy! She's the light of my life! The reason none of my girlfriends are good enough!

Dudley

Don't worry, Chief. We'll find where Snaptrap's keeping the mom's, after we go to Dessert Island. [looks back at Peg] Okay, fine, mom's first.