Dudley Puppy quotes from T.U.F.F. Puppy

Kitty

I changed my mind! This is not a great plan! Why do I have to be the butt?

Dudley

Mom's have big butts, Kitty. If you're not back there, Snaptrap will get suspicious.

Chief

Uh-oh! It's the diabolical Dr. Half-Dog!

Dudley

No, Chief! [squats down, revealing his head] It's me! And I'm tall! Check it out! I can dunk and reach the ham. I can even dunk a ham!

Chief

[jumps onto the hoop and smacks the ham out of Dudley's hand] You may be tall, but I got mad hops.

I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we'll never run out of potato salad.

Chief

There's no news bad enough to offset that!

And the bad news is I can't stop the effects of the grow-faster blaster, which means big trouble for Agent Puppy.

Dudley

Oh, no! I'm gonna turn into a potato! My seventh greatest fear has been realized!

Chief

But we're still good with the potato salad, right?

Dudley

[with his eyes closed tightly] I can't bear to look! Am I potato?!

Dudley

[relieved after letting out a massive fart by blowing up and destroying the headquarters building] Ah, that's better! I mean, gross, Kitty!

Chief

Believe it or not, my horoscope said this would happen.

What do you know? "A giant dog fart will destroy everything you've worked for."

Kitty

"You will soar to new heights."

Dudley

[confused] I don't get it. [grows even more huge] Oh, now I get it! Hang on, I got an itch.

Dudley

Thanks for having a snowball fight with me, Mr. President of the United States. [gets hit in the face with a snowball]

You're welcome, Dudley. And since we're best friends now, you can call me, "Mr. United States."

It's always a pleasure to hang out with my best friend, Dudley Puppy.

Dudley

This is awesome! I have so many famous bird friends!

Agent Puppy, get out of the simulation station.

Dudley

Come on, Keswick. This is your coolest invention ever! Whatever I imagine in here becomes real! In fact, could you come in here for a second? I'd like to imagine you not bothering me.

Agent Puppy, I created the simulation station to train agents for dangerous, real-life situations, not so you could good off with a has-been actor and a lame duck president.

Dudley

He's not a duck. He's an eagle. Besides, Kitty said it was okay.

I did. I think everything Dudley does is okay, if not amazing.

That is not the real Agent Katswell.

Dudley

I know. I call her, "agreeable Kitty." She's way better. [sees the real Kitty and gets startled]

Kitty

Better, Dudley? How is she better?

Dudley

Well, for one thing, she doesn't scare me like you just did. Also, her head is a gumball machine.

[eating an Animal Quacker] These taste like sugar cookies!

Kitty

Don't tell anyone I said this, but these are even better than my Carp Tarts!

I'm from the Carp Tarts company, and I heard that. You're fired, Ms. Katswell.

Kitty

You've been spying on me?

The Carp Tarts company checks up on all their spokespeople. [chuckles] Oh, boy, hiding behind a ficus sure works up an appetite. [eats an Animal Quacker] Mm! Man, these are better than Carp Tarts! [chuckles] I can say that, 'cause no one's spying on me.

Wrong, Bill! You're FIRED!

[disappointed] Oh, great. Now I gotta go sell board games in the alley. [walks away, moping]

Dudley

I'm sorry you lost your spokesperson job, Kitty, but the important thing is, I still have mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use my super deep TV voice to sell more cookies!

Dudley

Guys, I don't know how to tell you this, but the aliens Keswick contacted are hostile.

Chief

Yeah, we kinda noticed.

Okay, the dragon astronaut may now kiss the bride.

What?

Kitty

Nobody said anything about kissing!

Dudley

If I object, will someone taser me?

Dudley

Eww! I pretended you were chicken and/or fish, but it didn't help.

Kitty

That's weird, 'cause I tasted ham.

We're in, Snaptrap! Time to get a new set of wheels.

Snaptrap

Yeah, and as long as we're here, we might as well steal a whole car. But which one? The minivan has a DVD player and plenty of legroom for hostages. But the electric car is good for the stupid environment. And the engine's quiet, so our victims won't hear us coming.

Francisco

Eh, boss, you better make a decision fast. T.U.F.F. is probably on the way.

Snaptrap

Back off, Francisco! I'm having trouble deciding. Let's see. Bucket seats, moonroof, or should we all just go out for breakfast pasta? [Ollie splashes Snaptrap] Thanks, Ollie. The cold water cleared my head. I'm going with the minivan, and breakfast pasta.

Dudley

Freeze, Snaptrap!

Snaptrap

I already did. The water was ice cold.

Kitty

[sees Dudley wearing a trash can on his head] Dudley, why are you wearing a trash can on your head?

Dudley

Isn't it cool? Some smart girl on TV was wearing one. I heard she was poisoned.

Chief

Agent Puppy, I can't believe you misread the syrup bottle. Actually, I can't believe it. You can't even read the exit sign.

Dudley

I read better than you think. I just pretended to be stupid to get Kitty to do my work for me. [realizes what he said in shock] Oh, no! What am I saying?!

Kitty

That's okay, Dudley. It's not that much work. I just complain a lot so it looks like I'm doing more. Also, I think I'm better than all of you. [shocked by what she said] Oh, no! What am I saying?!

Chief

Keswick, it looks like your Truth Syrup works. What other secrets are you two keeping from us?

Snaptrap

These are delicious. Francisco, pass me more syrup.

Francisco

My name isn't really Francisco. It's Francesca. My mom wanted a girl. [realizes what he said] Wait, what am I saying?

Aw, that's okay, Francesca. I'm not really British. [in a French accent] I just faked the accent to sound smarter.

Snaptrap

Something weird is happening. Suddenly I have the urge to tell Larry that I don't actually hate him. I'm only hard on him because I think he has the most potential to be evil.

And I have the urge to admit I've been putting black widows in your gym bag. [realizes what he said; freaking out] What's gotten into us?!

Dudley

I just gave you truth syrup, and I didn't have to tell you because I can lie again. Keswick gave us the antidote-- Key Lie Pie!

Wolf Spitzer

This is Wolf Spitzer with breaking news. There are reports that Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, has robbed this strangely familiar home behind me. [realizes in shock] Wait, that's my house!

[tapping him in the shoulder] Daddy, Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, stole my video games.

Wolf Spitzer

Well, sweetie, that's no big deal.

He also stole your golf clubs.

Wolf Spitzer

That monster! [vengefully] Bigfoot must be hunted down and DESTROYED!

Dudley

This is ridiculous! Bigfoot would never hurt anyone! He's kind, and generous, and he has a heart as big as his foot.

Kitty

How would you know that, Dudley?

Dudley

Because he came to comfort me when I was a kid after my mom sent me to bed without dessert. I didn't do anything wrong when we were just out of dessert.