SummerSlam quotes

Ladies and gentlemen...our opening contest is a tag team bout, scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring to my left, hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, but SOON to relocate in the United States, at a total combined weight of 474 lbs...here are Jacques and Raymond, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.

Get me somebody out here to wrestle, I don't care who it is.

Ho ho ho. Don't say that, my man. There are some people in that locker room who would take this man apart.

We're all waiting here with anticipation as for who the opponent will be. Well, maybe we haven't got an opponent.

Well, maybe we have an opponent, or maybe he's still lacing up his boots. Who knows, man.

[as familiar theme music plays] Wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody's music.

That's familiar music, brother!

They've exploded here in the Garden! I don't see anybody yet!

[as the Ultimate Warrior runs to the ring and goes right after the Honky Tonk Man] Here is the challenger, weighing...

It's the Ultimate Warrior!

One man on the attack!

This place has gone bananas!

Ultimate Warrior exploding here on the Honky Tonk Man. Beautiful flying tackle. The bell has gone and it's officially underway.

Warrior doesn't know what to do, he's so excited!

The title definitely up for grabs here.

Oh, we could get a new champion right now, Gorilla Monsoon! Right now, brother, we could get a new champion!

[as Warrior hits a splash] Big splash here, hooks the leg... [Dave Hebner counts to three] It's over! History has been made here!

I love it! I love it!

Look at this place gone bananas!

Pandemonium is running wild in Madison Square Garden, my man!

History once again made here in Madison Square Garden!

The winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Ultimate Warrior!

It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.

Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said "make it to the Garden." Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- (the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)

Nice move.

Fuck it!

What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...

Ha ha ha!

You like that?

He's talking to you, Schiavone!

...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a real sexy man looks like.

There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.

But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.

And that means out to the floor. [Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it] Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!

That's outside of the ring Jesse.

So what?!

As much as it can just be a countout here.

What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.

Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!

What?!

Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?

What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?

Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.

He does a good job.

He's reading cue cards.

Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!

The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.

It ought to be interesting.

His so called opponent,

"So called opponent"?

Well, that's an opinion.

coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!

How dare him do that as an announcer!

This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!

I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!

He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine!

From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown

And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!

Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!

(to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.

And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!

(to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.

There's a gold digger right there.

Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the Texas Tornado to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?

To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely perfect does have its problems, because when you're a perfect Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.

Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?

Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and (laughing) maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.

Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!

Nobody.

I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just lost again?

With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.

You mean victorious Sensational Queen Sherri.

Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.

Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.

Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.

"Earlier sightings"? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.

What do you mean?

First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.

Rumors? What rumors?

[laughing hysterically] Well...this is too good to be true!

Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.

I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.

Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?

You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.

You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!

Earthquake-proof?

Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.

Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.

Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!