“1990” quotes from SummerSlam

Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the Texas Tornado to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?

To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely perfect does have its problems, because when you're a perfect Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.

Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?

Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and (laughing) maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.

Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!

Nobody.

I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just lost again?

With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.

You mean victorious Sensational Queen Sherri.

Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.

Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.

Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.

"Earlier sightings"? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.

What do you mean?

First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.

Rumors? What rumors?

[laughing hysterically] Well...this is too good to be true!

Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.

I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.

Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?

You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.

You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!

Earthquake-proof?

Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.

Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.

Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!

Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?

No, what?

One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.