Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- (the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)
Nice move.
GGene
Fuck it!
“1989”
In this episode: Jesse (4), Tony (3), Vince McMahon (1), Howard Finkel (1), Mean Gene Okerlund (1), Gene (1)
RRRavishing Rick Rude
What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...
JVJesse "The Body" Ventura
Ha ha ha!
TSTony Schiavone
You like that?
He's talking to you, Schiavone!
RRick
...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a real sexy man looks like.
[The Ultimate Warrior has press slammed Rick Rude from the ring to the floor]
There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.
TTony
But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.
And that means out to the floor. [Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it] Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!
TTony
That's outside of the ring Jesse.
So what?!
TTony
As much as it can just be a countout here.
What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.
Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!
What?!
TTony
Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?
What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?
TTony
Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?
RRRugged Ronnie Garvin
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.
TTony
He does a good job.
He's reading cue cards.
TTony
Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
GGarvin
Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!
TTony
The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.
It ought to be interesting.
GGarvin
His so called opponent,
"So called opponent"?
TTony
Well, that's an opinion.
GGarvin
coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!
How dare him do that as an announcer!
GGarvin
This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!
I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!
GGarvin
He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine!
GThe Genius
From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown
Share my wondrous words of wisdom with the SummerSlam spectacular to validate my mortar board and gown.
Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan shall be running for their lives, the highest card they're holding is a deuce.
They are totally unqualified to match the royal flush that shall be coming from the Macho Man and Zeus.
"Scary Sherri" is the term that Brutus Beefcake used in slander, and he had the nerve to call her overdressed.
That's when the Barber got a trim that wasn't on the schedule, because Sherri is a cut above the rest.
On the other hand, Elizabeth is absolutely useless, she is less than just another pretty face.
When you add the unknown factor of the Human Wrecking Machine, tonight the Hulk shall be in second place!
TTony
And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!
Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!
TTony
(to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.
And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
TTony
(to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.
There's a gold digger right there.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SummerSlam pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.