Jerry Lawler quotes from SummerSlam

[on Barry Horowitz] I knew something was up when I looked at his name, and beside his name in the program, it said, "yeah, right."

You've heard of Buns of Steel? I think Bertha Faye's got buns of cinnamon.

Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

[on Alundra Blayze] What a competitor. What an athlete.

What a face. I've heard of faces that could stop a clock; this face could stop Switzerland.

Now wait a minute, if you'll turn this...a battle between a beauty and the beast, considering Bull Nakano's look.

I agree, she's beautiful.

[regarding the Hart family] McMahon, why don't you ask them the hard questions? Why don't you get them to tell the truth? [Pointing to Stu and Helen Hart] You drove them to this, both of you. You know you did. You brought Owen to this. You kept him down his whole life! You, the entire family! You all did it! The only man...

The brothers back there, wait a minute...you'd better watch your mouth!

The entire family has drove Owen to this! I wanna say a word to this man over here though. Here's the only man I want to welcome to the United Center because this is the man who, two years ago at SummerSlam, went head-to-head, face-to-face against Bret Hart. Are you having...are you having any flashbacks? Wouldn't you love to be in there against him tonight?

Uh, not really because I know what kind of condition Bret's in, and he's in the best condition of his life right now. The family feud started in 1992 at SummerSlam, but in 1994 tonight at the United Center, the family feud is hopefully going to end in this 15-foot-high steel cage.

It's gonna end, all right. And I don't think any of you are gonna like the way it's ending.

Why don't you ask some of the brothers back here. Ask Bruce, he's right there behind Davey...[noticing behind Bruce] oh wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, your thoughts on this steel cage. And you, you sitting here among all the other family members. How do they feel about you sitting here among them?

Well, you know...you know, it's all in the family. But I...I think everyone's gonna really see who the really...who the best Hart is of all, who's the best. And everyone's gonna see that Owen Hart is gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion.

He's the King of Harts already!

He's the King of Harts, and he's the best Hart of all! He's the best wrestler! And you know something? I think that Stu Hart did drive Owen to this greatness!

Bret Hart trying to finish this thing once and for all with his baby brother Owen.

See, listen to you calling him a baby.

Youngest brother, he was the baby of the family.

Why do you feel like you have to refer to the WWF Champion as a baby?

Can you imagine poor Hunter Hearst-Helmsley is gonna have to be soiled by this grease monkey with those filthy, greasy fingernails of his, Bob "Spark Plug" Holly. Look at the look on Hunter's face. Oh, this has gotta be...oh, I can't even imagine it myself.

This is degrading for Hunter Hearst-Helmsley?

Without a doubt.

Please.

I mean, that's just two complete opposite worlds. You're looking at the kind of guy over there, in Bob "Spark Plug" Holly, that would spend his honeymoon at a monster truck rally or something, and then you've got a man over here who...his idea of a fast food restaurant would be someplace that could serve Kentucky-fried quail or pheasant under glass.

"Kentucky-fried quail."

Yeah.

I see.

Or squab. You ever heard of that?

Squab?

Yeah. That's the kind of things Hunter Hearst-Helmsley would eat.

Sounds like a detergent. Squab?

You sure you're not from Alabama, like Bob there?

[on Isaac Yankem, DDS] This man has been a great wrestler in the past under an assumed name.

What was his assumed name?

I'm not gonna tell you that. He doesn't want them to know. He only wants everybody to know him by his name, and it's Yankem, not Yankem.

Mankind, better known...well, not better known as, but certainly known as Mick Foley, grew up not all that far, grew up here in the tri-state area out on Long Island.

Well, that explains what's wrong with him.

Miguel Perez, whose father wrestled in the '50s and '60s, a great tag team competitor in the WWF. Partners with the late Antonino Rocca.

And following in his dad's footsteps, a tremendous competitor.

King, did you ever wrestle Antonino Rocca in the early '60s?

Stop this.

Who?

Four guys with bad attitudes. You know, the show America's Most Wanted was based on DOA.

I don't think John Walsh has ever spoke with the DOA, at least on a first-person basis.

You trying to tell me Crush has never been in trouble with the law? Huh? Shoot, his family portrait is a courtroom sketch.

Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.

Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!

Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose in front of all these people 20,000 people. A million people out there on pay per view. Mr. Austin, are you ready?

You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You got that? You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none, you little piece of trash!

Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold all that well.

A man of few words, but one of them is a-double-s.

What's gonna happen in the next match-up? Shawn Michaels cares about his own career, and obviously also cares, in a negative way, as it relates to the Hitman, Bret Hart. What sort of emotion is Shawn Michaels feeling as the guest referee?

Are you kidding me? Shawn Michaels's ego is so big that it's got its own ZIP code, McMahon. All he cares about is what his hair looks like out here tonight. And you know what? Speaking of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels...I mean, he's so full of himself, when he goes to a funeral, he's upset because he's not the corpse. He wants to be the center of attention, and tonight, some kind of way, he will manage to be the center of attention in this match.

And the Hitman Bret Hart said he didn't mean it literally, he meant it figuratively when he stated he would never wrestle again in the United States if he didn't win the WWF Championship. I'm sure he is regretting that comment.

Well, it's officially in the contract, so it is a done deal. If Bret Hart doesn't leave this arena, ladies and gentlemen, tonight here at SummerSlam with the WWF Championship, Bret...this will be Bret Hart's last match ever in the United States.

Now all the other WWF referees are gonna want pyro.

Music, pyro, yeah.

Earl Hebner would look good in front of a Roman candle.

Shawn Michaels with that chair that Bret tried to throw out of the ring. [Shawn pulls him off of the Undertaker] Maybe Michaels has had enough. Michaels was on the outside and did not see...

Uh-oh!

Good God! Good God!

I can't believe this.

This is horrible.

And the Undertaker is going after Shawn Michaels.

The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret "Hitman" Hart!

The impossible has happened at this year's SummerSlam; and the Undertaker, with one last glance back at Bret Hart, as Bret Hart kisses the gold. And Bret Hart, somehow, is once again WWF Champion.

Bret Hart now immersing himself in the Maple Leaf. There's gotta be jubilation in Canada, perhaps jubilation in the United Kingdom and Germany, but there is no joy in East Rutherford, New Jersey, tonight.

We would like to take you back and show you how this happened.

This is shocking.

[off replay] Alright, here Shawn picked up the chair.

He busted the Undertaker's brains out, but right now he's realizing if he don't count, he's gone too.

I don't understand that.

What's not to understand?

And now Bret Hart being joined by all the other Hart Foundation members. Bret Hart, with the Maple Leaf draped around his neck, the flag of Canada, and the WWF Championship back around his waist for the fifth time, and it happened here in America.