TV show quotes
[Cut to interior of a Goa'uld ship. The ring device activates, then deactivates with no-one apparently having beamed aboard. The Jaffa on-board look puzzled. Suddenly, each of them gets his ass kicked in turn by an invisible opponent. The rings activate again, and the rest of the team beam up. They look around, confused.]
Hello? Hand signals? I'm waving you over!
[Cut to a corridor. Teal'c is walking along next to a coffee mug apparently floating in mid-air (obviously being held by O'Neill)]
The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self.
[Pause, Teal'c looks steadily in the direction of where we presume O'Neill to be standing]
I assume I am staring at you stoically.
Not buying it, eh?
No. You are most transparent, O'Neill.
Ohh! I get it. Good one.
I can see right through you.
Donnnnnn't push it...
[The Stargate fails mid-dial; SG-1 look up to see Martin Lloyd shrug and excitedly wave them back up to the conference room.]
[whispering to Carter] Fix it.
Quickly.
I'm on it. [leaves]
Indeed.
[SG-1 disputes the plausibility that they could make it to a 'gate through an army of Jaffa with Replicators behind them in ten seconds.]
Are you serious?
What?
How did we escape?
They.
Fine, they, they, they. How did they escape?
Isn't it obvious?
Even if the valley wasn't filled with Jaffa, we couldn't never have made it to the Gate and dialed out in under...10 seconds.
Good. See, that's why we're here! So, what do you think, 30 seconds? Ma-maybe not such a round number. How about...38!
[In reference to the fact that the Stargate can only stay open for 38 minutes.]
We're running another diagnostic, but right now we're stumped. Power's getting through to the capacitors, but for some reason the charge isn't holding. That's causing the control crystal to send feedback into the interface and reset the programming code of the base computer's dialing protocol.
Whoa! That was awesome! Say that again!
...No.
Oh. Uh, everybody take five. I, I gotta get that down before I forget it. [to self] The power getting to the flux capacitor, but feedback is not feeding back into the feedback...face. This is gold!
[The Stargate is overloading with power.]
Siler, manually cut the power!
[Siler tries to and is thrown across the Gate room.]
[angry] Why does this always happen to me?
[Dan Shea, who plays Sgt. Siler is the stunt coordinator for Stargate SG-1 and stunt double for Richard Dean Anderson]
[After the Star Trek sequence.]
Hang on.
What?
One, that's Star Trek and two, it's ridiculous.
What's wrong with it?
"The singularity is about to explode?"
Yes.
Everything about the statement is wrong.
And how exactly is weapons at maximum going to help the situation?
The audience isn't going to know, but they love weapons at maximum.
Never underestimate your audience. They're usually sensitive, intelligent people, who will respond positively to quality entertainment.
I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.
Yo! Wonderbread! You got that address figured out?
Chill T! I'm like, translating as fast as I can!
I am so sick of being treated as an object to be worshiped! I am a real person with real feelings!
You know, I don't think Mitchell likes me anymore...
I'm pregnant.
[Cut to SG-1 in the conference room.]
Uh-uh.
No.
[incredulous look] Nope.
[sullen silence]
I need a latte...
Okay, how 'bout this: We're in a cloaked cargoship on a simple 3 hour reconnaissance mission...
Gilligan's Island, right?
You got that from 3 hour reconnaissance mission?
Here's a advice: if you're gonna rip something off, pick something a bit more obscure.
[Vala is imagining SG-1 as characters in Farscape.]
Call me farhbot, but they're going to have our mivonks on a platter if we don't starburst the draz out of here.
The cluster's been damaged! We're not going anywhere!
Oh, dren!
Hezmana!
Frell!
Aw, son of a hazmot!
Yotz!
I'm pretty sure I have read all the reports recently.
Actually you haven't read 30185.
30185? ... What's that?
We can't tell you.
What do you mean you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind! What–what is 30185?
We were sworn to secrecy.
Well, why even mention it to me if you're not going to tell me what it is?
Sorry.
Can you tell me?
Oh yeah, we can tell you.
Well, it has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.
Well, that can't have anything to do with me, I wasn't born 'til a year later.
Actually, it was nine months before he was born.
What?
You have to remember, it was the Sixties...
C'mon, you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.
Jack? ...O'Neill?
Indeed.
Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you didn't think you should get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?
[laughing] Wait. Are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...
...my daddy?
All starting to make sense now, isn't it?
Awww, I'm being Punk'd, aren't I?
[Referring to the Stargate]
We created this multi-billion dollar facility under Cheyenne Mountain so that we can use this thing. Anyone know how?
And now, what this team needs is a leader, someone who'll laugh in the face of his enemy, even when it's inappropriate… Colonel Jack O'Neill.
I thought I told you I was retired.
Oh, I thought you said you were tired.
Well, as a matter of fact, I am a little tired...
Well, There's no time for that now, you've got a team to command.
Right!
[Just before dialing the Stargate]
Sergeant, make it spin!
Spin? Sir.... it doesn't spin.
What? It has to spin, it's round. Spinning is so much cooler than not spinning. I am the General, and I want it to spin! Now!
[This may be a reference to the Atlantis Stargates, which don't spin and cannot be dialed manually.]
[The crew suggested to replace the actors with puppets.]
[sarcastically] Yeaaah...that will work...a whole movie made with puppets...
I was just sayi...
Maybe we can have Puppet O'Neill jump over a puppet shark on a one-third scale motorcycle!
I don't get it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
