GLGen. Landry
A fictionalized, albeit slightly ridiculous version of Stargate Command is an excellent cover for the real thing in the event of a security leak.
Plausible deniability.
I'm sorry, sir, did you say "slightly" ridiculous?
“200” · Season 10, Episode 6
In this episode: Daniel Jackson (11), Samantha Carter (10), Martin Lloyd (8), Teal'c (7), Cameron Mitchell (7), Vala Mal Doran (7), Jack O'Neill (5), Puppet Gen. Hammond (3)
... who makes a movie out of a series that only lasted three episodes?
It allegedly performed well on DVD.
[This is a reference to the cult DVD hit Firefly and the resulting film Serenity, as well as Stargate itself.]
Well, you've got to open big, catch people's attention, make them think the whole thing is going to be jam-packed.
Ooh, I love jam.
[Mitchell, Jackson and Carter look at her]
Oh, I get it. It's yet another playful twist on words in your "earth" language.
Well, it... certainly seems to be packed full of jam.
You know, getting the cloaking generator off that mothership, that's going to be the least of our problems. Now, getting Jack to help, that's going to be the hard part.
Oh, don't tell me…
Oh yes. He likes being invisible.
[Cut to a locker room with a shower running- after a pause, Carter cautiously looks out from over the top of the shower curtain]
Sir? Are you there?
[Long pause]
GOGen. O'Neill
Nope.
[Cut to a briefing room. Jackson is scrawling unintelligibly complex information onto a whiteboard for an audience of a dozen or so scientist types]
...and so, by translating this tablet, we should be able to determine the most important thing in the universe.
[There is a pause. We hear O'Neill begin to snore. Jackson looks exasperated.]
Everyone wanna, poke around? See if you can find him?
[Cut to interior of a Goa'uld ship. The ring device activates, then deactivates with no-one apparently having beamed aboard. The Jaffa on-board look puzzled. Suddenly, each of them gets his ass kicked in turn by an invisible opponent. The rings activate again, and the rest of the team beam up. They look around, confused.]
Hello? Hand signals? I'm waving you over!
[Cut to a corridor. Teal'c is walking along next to a coffee mug apparently floating in mid-air (obviously being held by O'Neill)]
The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self.
[Pause, Teal'c looks steadily in the direction of where we presume O'Neill to be standing]
I assume I am staring at you stoically.
Not buying it, eh?
No. You are most transparent, O'Neill.
Ohh! I get it. Good one.
I can see right through you.
Donnnnnn't push it...
[The Stargate fails mid-dial; SG-1 look up to see Martin Lloyd shrug and excitedly wave them back up to the conference room.]
[whispering to Carter] Fix it.
Quickly.
I'm on it. [leaves]
Indeed.
[SG-1 disputes the plausibility that they could make it to a 'gate through an army of Jaffa with Replicators behind them in ten seconds.]
Are you serious?
What?
How did we escape?
They.
Fine, they, they, they. How did they escape?
Isn't it obvious?
Even if the valley wasn't filled with Jaffa, we couldn't never have made it to the Gate and dialed out in under...10 seconds.
Good. See, that's why we're here! So, what do you think, 30 seconds? Ma-maybe not such a round number. How about...38!
[In reference to the fact that the Stargate can only stay open for 38 minutes.]
We're running another diagnostic, but right now we're stumped. Power's getting through to the capacitors, but for some reason the charge isn't holding. That's causing the control crystal to send feedback into the interface and reset the programming code of the base computer's dialing protocol.
Whoa! That was awesome! Say that again!
...No.
Oh. Uh, everybody take five. I, I gotta get that down before I forget it. [to self] The power getting to the flux capacitor, but feedback is not feeding back into the feedback...face. This is gold!
[The Stargate is overloading with power.]
Siler, manually cut the power!
[Siler tries to and is thrown across the Gate room.]
[angry] Why does this always happen to me?
[Dan Shea, who plays Sgt. Siler is the stunt coordinator for Stargate SG-1 and stunt double for Richard Dean Anderson]
[After the Star Trek sequence.]
Hang on.
What?
One, that's Star Trek and two, it's ridiculous.
What's wrong with it?
"The singularity is about to explode?"
Yes.
Everything about the statement is wrong.
And how exactly is weapons at maximum going to help the situation?
The audience isn't going to know, but they love weapons at maximum.
Never underestimate your audience. They're usually sensitive, intelligent people, who will respond positively to quality entertainment.
I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.
TTTeenage Teal'c
Yo! Wonderbread! You got that address figured out?
TDTeenage Daniel
Chill T! I'm like, translating as fast as I can!
TVTeenage Vala
I am so sick of being treated as an object to be worshiped! I am a real person with real feelings!
TDTeenage Daniel
You know, I don't think Mitchell likes me anymore...
TVTeenage Vala
I'm pregnant.
[Cut to SG-1 in the conference room.]
Uh-uh.
No.
[incredulous look] Nope.
[sullen silence]
I need a latte...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.