Can you walk on that?
It's just a deep bleeding gash, but it'll be fine.
S3 E1Into The Fire
[Col. O'Neill grabs Hathor from behind]
(in a female voice) We will destroy you for this.
And we would just like you to go away!
[Col. O'Neill throws Hathor into a pool of liquid nitrogen]
[pretending to be a Goa'uld] Jaffa, Hi!
TTrofsky
Old man Goa'uld. How are ya?
[pause]
You heard me, I said "hi!"
Jack?
Hey guys. Makepeace! Nice rescue! Good Job!
All right, listen up. There's something you should know before you start shooting and killing and ruining what could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Our beloved Hathor…is dead.
TTrofsky
What you say is impossible. Hathor is a queen. More than that, she is a goddess.
Yeah, okay, ex-goddess, maybe. I killed her myself. You should trust me on this. She's gone. She is no more. She's… well, let's face it, she's a former queen.
S3 E2Seth
Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of them.
I shall attempt to translate one, O'Neill. A serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's... nose drips.
[Teal'c bursts into loud laughter. Everyone else stares.]
(Joke explanation: The helmet of the Serpent guard looks like a snake, the Horus guard looks like an eagle with a golden beak, the Setesh guard helmet looks kind of like the head of an aardvark with elongated jackal ears, clearly fictitious, but overall not dog-like.)
Dare I ask about the men inside the compound?
They were turned into eunuchs.
Eunuchs as in…snip-a-dee do-da? Sweet.
SSeth
Welcome. Who are you?
Well, I'm Larry, this is Moe, and of course, everyone's favorite, Curly.
So help me. If I wake up, and I'm singing soprano…
Many things are complicated, General Carter. In Jaffa society, loving one's children is not one of them.
[ATF phone rings, Hemner answers]:
SJSpecial agent J. Hemner
Hemner. Yes Mr. President. Yes sir, I am, yes sir... Well yes sir they are here sir, but... With respect sir, the jurisdictional rules in this case are clear, this is a civilian matter. Are you sure you wanna do that sir? Yes Mr. President.
[To his fellow] Get Col. O'Neill in here.
Something I can do for ya?
SJSpecial agent J. Hemner
You wanna tell me what's going on?
Didn't you say you know more than I do..?
SJSpecial agent J. Hemner
Well apparently not, I just got off the phone with the president.
[Faking a surprise] Of the United States of America? [Small pause] Sweet. How's he doing?
HAgent Hamner
In fact, I'm to issue you an emergency special agent credential. He's put you in charge of this operation.
Excellent! My first order of business: Get me one of those cool jackets! Extra large. Double X-L if you got it.
S3 E3Fair Game
GHGen. Hammond
Teal'c, I would like you to act as liaison to the Goa'uld. Dr. Jackson—
[interrupting] Gen. Hammond.
GHGen. Hammond
Is there a problem?
I mean no disrespect. But I have given my allegiance to you, to the SGC and to the people of this world, freely. I will, however, not see to the petty needs of these Goa'ulds.
[to Hammond] I'll... see to the petty needs of the Goa'uld, sir.
Uh, the second Goa'uld representative we're expecting is Yu.
Me?
"Yu" is the name of the Goa'uld.
Sorry.
What just happened?
Apparently we said hello, insulted each other, and broke for recess.
Daniel typed up a formal letter—in Goa'uld—and I signed it. That boy can really grovel if he has to.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.