Stargate SG-1 · Season 6
Col. Checkov feels that as a symbol of our joint efforts, a Russian officer should be assigned to join SG-1.
Over my rotting corpse, Sir.
[sternly] Colonel…
[innocently] I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
I said I would discuss it with you and that I was sure you would give it some careful thought.
And that I will, General, but I'm still pretty sure I'll say, "Bite me."
Hammond is insisting SG-1 needs a socio-political nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness.
Have you considered Jonas Quinn?
Now I know you've been practicing, but I still can't tell… is that a joke?
He wishes to join the fight against the Goa'uld.
He's an al --
[raises eyebrow]
[embarrassed] -- lien.
Still sexy as ever I see.
What are you doing here?
Well, there is no point of building naquadah reactors for Russia if there isn't going to be a Russia, is there? The Pentagon thought you... might need some help.
Not from you.
Navigation?
Check.
Oxygen pressure, temperature control?
All Check.
Inertial dampeners?
Cool! ...and check.
Engines?
All check. Phasers?
(smiling) Sorry, sir.
Sir, the simulations we ran anticipated every conceivable scenario.
You know, Carter, it's the inconceivable ones I'm concerned about.
[while driving the X-302 onto the tarmac] Too bad we can't drive all the way to Abydos, this thing handles like a Cadillac on the ground.
[Col. O'Neill finds Carter sitting in her lab]
I thought you'd be down stairs working this thing out with all the other egg-heads.
[Carter gives O'Neill a look]
Not that you're an egg-head. [Pauses] OK, you are, actually, but in a good way.
I couldn't think down there. They all kept looking at me for the answer.
Well, you do have a penchant for pulling brilliant ideas out of your butt.
[Carter gives O'Neill a look]
Head! Out of your head.
You have a habit of seeing things... [Hesitates]...in their simplest form.
[pause]
I'm gonna go eat some cake.
I think I'll join you.
[A hologram of Anubis appears in front of the Stargate]
I am Anubis.
[to O'Neill] It looks like a hologram projection, sir.
Humans of the Tau'ri. Your end of days finally approaches. There will be no mercy.
[to Maj. Carter] Oh, come on. Who talks like that?
Sir, this is Asgard technology. He must have downloaded it from Thor.
You will bow to my awesome power. There is nothing that can stop the destruction I bring upon you. Prepare to meet your doom.
Oh, please.
[About the failed mission with the X-302]
They're still analyzing the flight data recorder, but it looks like a 605-3 error.
Forgive me?
It's the one after 605-2, sir.
[about Anubis] Has a real flair for the dramatic, doesn't he? Very theatrical.
Yeah, pretty much all the Goa'uld are like that.
But, why wait? Why does this guy show up a day and a half after this all starts to do his whole "prepare to meet your doom" thing?
I don't know, maybe he wanted to make sure it was gonna work.
Yeah, that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? [pretending to be Anubis] "Nothing can stop the destruction that I bring upon you!" And then the Gate shuts down. [again pretending to be Anubis] "Oops, sorry, never mind."
Yeah, well, that didn't happen, and we only have fifty-four hours left.
So, what? We call Anubis up and ask him to stop?
Yeah, "Hey, Anubis, this is your agent, you're playing it way over the top, can you get serious, please?"
For the record, I hate you.
Well, it can't get any worse, then, can it?
Oh, no I'm rapidly working up to despise.
(sarcastically) If I'm going to take credit for this, shouldn't the EM pulse generator be pointed at the Gate?
[McKay goes to visit Carter in the infirmary, as she recovers from electrical burns]
Hi.
Oh, man, and I was just starting to feel better.
[takes a deep breath, appearing to be relaxing] I always wanted to be a pianist.
[Thinking McKay said "penis"] Excuse me?
A concert pianist --- you know, a guy who plays the piano [he mimes playing the piano] in front of lots of people?
[Sam smiles] Right.
What did you think I said?
Never mind.
I had a not-so-comfortable childhood. My parents hated each other. Blamed me. Music was my salvation. It had this ... perfect order for me.
[smiles, patronizing] That's nice, really.
When I was 12, my teacher told me to quit. A fine clinical player, he said, but no sense of the art whatsoever.
Why are you telling me this?
I'm just ... trying to bond.
Why?
Hospital gowns turn me on. [He smiles] I turned to science because I thought it would be different than music, but it isn't. It's just the same, it's just as much of an art as anything else.
Look, it's not your fault that the EM pulse didn't work.
You're an artist, Major. Maybe the best I've ever seen. I'm just critical because I'm jealous.
I'm touched, really. I wish I had a brilliant plan to draw up for you.
And you're funny, too. Even electrocuted. I mean, I've ... I've got nothing.
You're creeping me out, McKay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
