Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Col. O'Neill

Or…

Capt. Carter

I can't think of an 'or' at the moment, sir.

Dr. Jackson

No 'or'?

Col. O'Neill

There is an 'or'.

Dr. Jackson

There's an 'or'?

Capt. Carter

Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.

Col. O'Neill

Captain, where there's a will, there's an 'or'... way.

Dr. Jackson

So what's the plan?

Col. O'Neill

Find the Stargate.

Dr. Jackson

Find the Stargate? That's the plan?

Col. O'Neill

Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

Dr. Jackson

We'll go in disguise; pretend to be foreigners.

Col. O'Neill

How are you going to do that?

Dr. Jackson

Well, I speak twenty-three different languages. Pick one.

Col. O'Neill

It's true, Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago.

Dr. Jackson

From a galaxy far, far away.

Hathor

[appears from out of nowhere] Silence!

Col. O'Neill

Oh, I was so hoping never to see you again.

Hathor

(in a female voice) How do I contact the Asgard so that we may align ourselves with them?

Col. O'Neill

Roswell, it's a little place in New Mexico.

Hathor

(in a female voice) We will destroy you for this.

Col. O'Neill

And we would just like you to go away!

Col. O'Neill

[pretending to be a Goa'uld] Jaffa, Hi!

Old man Goa'uld. How are ya?

Col. O'Neill

You heard me, I said "hi!"

Dr. Jackson

Jack?

Col. O'Neill

Hey guys. Makepeace! Nice rescue! Good Job!

Col. O'Neill

All right, listen up. There's something you should know before you start shooting and killing and ruining what could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Our beloved Hathor…is dead.

What you say is impossible. Hathor is a queen. More than that, she is a goddess.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah, okay, ex-goddess, maybe. I killed her myself. You should trust me on this. She's gone. She is no more. She's… well, let's face it, she's a former queen.

Col. O'Neill

Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of them.

Teal'c

I shall attempt to translate one, O'Neill. A serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's... nose drips.

Col. O'Neill

Dare I ask about the men inside the compound?

Dr. Jackson

They were turned into eunuchs.

Col. O'Neill

Eunuchs as in…snip-a-dee do-da? Sweet.

Welcome. Who are you?

Col. O'Neill

Well, I'm Larry, this is Moe, and of course, everyone's favorite, Curly.

Hemner. Yes Mr. President. Yes sir, I am, yes sir... Well yes sir they are here sir, but... With respect sir, the jurisdictional rules in this case are clear, this is a civilian matter. Are you sure you wanna do that sir? Yes Mr. President.

Col. O'Neill

Something I can do for ya?

You wanna tell me what's going on?

Col. O'Neill

Didn't you say you know more than I do..?

Well apparently not, I just got off the phone with the president.

Col. O'Neill

[Faking a surprise] Of the United States of America? [Small pause] Sweet. How's he doing?

In fact, I'm to issue you an emergency special agent credential. He's put you in charge of this operation.

Col. O'Neill

Excellent! My first order of business: Get me one of those cool jackets! Extra large. Double X-L if you got it.

Dr. Jackson

Uh, the second Goa'uld representative we're expecting is Yu.

Col. O'Neill

Me?

Dr. Jackson

"Yu" is the name of the Goa'uld.

Col. O'Neill

Sorry.