Ba'al quotes from Stargate SG-1

Ba'al

Who are you?

Col. O'Neill

You go first.

Ba'al

[picking up a knife] You claim you do not know me?

Col. O'Neill

Well, take no offense there, Skippy, I'm sure you're a real hot, important Goa'uld, I've just always been kind of out of the loop with the snake thing.

Ba'al

I am Ba'al.

Col. O'Neill

That's it? Just "Ball"? As in "bocce"?

Ba'al

Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence? [aims the knife at Jack]

Col. O'Neill

I don't know the meaning of the word. Seriously. "Impudence." What does that mean?

Ba'al

You have one day

Is that like one Earth day, or...?

Ba'al

You dare mock me?

Ba'al, come on! You should know. Of course I dare mock you.

Ba'al

You have one more day. [Ba'al's hologram disappears]

Is it really wise to provoke him?

It's what I do.

I've got a better idea, instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? [grinning] That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.

Ba'al

You cannot be serious.

Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.

Ba'al

With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.

I think big.

Sgt. Harriman

I'm sure he'll be here any second now. [awkward pause] So umm…

I am so sorry. I was just finishing up a lovely brunch.

Ba'al

Impudence.

No, tuna.

Oh, please don't tell me.

Ba'al

Anubis.

I asked you not to tell me.

Ba'al

I admit we've certainly had our differences in the past, but you need to hear what I have to say.

Teal'c

I will not hear the words of a false god!

Ba'al

(normal voice) The whole god issue. Maybe we did take it a little too far, but can you blame us? We have you strength, vitality, long life... I know you don't quite see it that way, but no matter. It's all in the past now. (pauses) Come now, Teal'c. We're smart enough to know we're not actually gods, well, some of us are. Anyway, there are always those who begin to believe their own propaganda. I suppose all you need is enough people to worship you and then what's the difference? You're pretty much a god by definition, are you not? So is the case with the Ori. Granted, they do seem to have some very interesting powers to back up their claims. I've seen what happens those who resist. They are a formidable enemy.

Nerus

How nice! You came to greet me in person! Oh! Oh! I have this fabulous innovation I want you to... It's—it's called a cupcake. Oh, it's so good—

Ba'al

Why have you returned?

Nerus

My old friend, you wound me deeply.

Ba'al

I'm capable of wounding you much more deeply.

Ba'al

If you wish to return to my court, Nerus, you will have to prove yourself.

Nerus

How?

Ba'al

Find me planets suitable for my new empire. I am ready to begin anew.

Nerus

Well, first I must recover from my...

Nerus

...harrowing... ordeal...

Ba'al

It would be wise not to defy me, Nerus. Things have changed considerably since you left.

Ba'al

I understand your reluctance to trust me, so I'll be succinct. It's the clones. They want me dead.

Teal'c

That would make all of us.

Ba’al

He's tiny. Tell him to squeeze through the bars.

Teal’c

Assist us, or I will squeeze you through these bars.

Ba’al

Why don't you do something? You're the Orici. You're supposedly possessed of significant powers. So snuff out the flame and get us on our way.

My abilities don't work that way.

Ba’al

Of course, how does that Earth saying go? "All flash, no photo?"

Lt. Col. Carter

Actually, it's "All flash, no substance."

Ba’al

I prefer my version.

Would you care for a demonstration?

[haughtily] Taking your life would be a waste of my time.

Ba’al

Which I suppose would be put to better use complaining.

Lt. Col. Carter

Oh, geez, why don't you two just get a room?

Dr. Jackson

I'm sorry, aren't you the one who knows the dragon's secret name? It's time to earn your keep.

Ba'al

Ah, yes. I may have exaggerated about that, slightly. Anyway, you didn't think that just by calling out its name, you'd suddenly be able to control it?

Dr. Jackson

I don't know. Name magic is common in most mythologies. To know something's secret name is to steal its power.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

So what are we supposed to do, start guessing?

Vala

Darrel, the dragon.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

How about Smokey?

Teal'c

Perhaps Puff?

Dr. Jackson

[annoyed]: Will you just give me a minute?

Merlin

Where am I?

Lt. Col. Carter

Good question.

Merlin

[to Carter] You look familiar. [pauses as he scrutinizes Carter] Guinivere! [hugging Carter] Oh my dear, it's been too long.

Lt. Col. Carter

Uh, good to see you too.

Merlin

[to Mitchell] Percival! [to Jackson] And Galahad! Oh brave knights, fortune indeed does smile upon me to see your faces again.

Ba’al

Looks like Merlin's drawbridge no longer goes all the way across the moat, if you catch my meaning.

Merlin

What's that? Mordred? I might have known it.

Ba’al

We're wasting our time with this old fool! We need to get back to the gate so I can start reprogramming—

Merlin

Be silent!

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well how do you like that? The old boy still has some old tricks up his sleeve.

Ba’al

I told you, I could reprogram the dialing device.

Ba’al

His little trick with my vocal chords expired at the same time he did.

Teal'c

Yet another reason to mourn his passing.