Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Jackson

What just happened?

Col. O'Neill

Apparently we said hello, insulted each other, and broke for recess.

Dr. Jackson

We believe you, Teal'c, but I just don't think anyone else is going to.

Col. O'Neill

Certainly not those lying, scheming, no-good-for-nothing, slimy, overdressed stylemongers--

Maj. Capt. Carter

Sir! I'd like to try something.

Col. O'Neill

I wasn't finished.

(in a Mad Scientist voice) We will not attack your world, but if you continue to use your stargate, be warned... Anyone who is caught by one of the System Lords will be shown no mercy. They will suffer greatly...

Col. O'Neill

Well that certainly makes life more interesting.

Dr. Jackson

[About Nirrti betraying the other System Lords] Boy, is she gonna get it.

Col. O'Neill

[Plainly] My heart bleeds.

Col. O'Neill

So Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

Merrin

Yes.

Col. O'Neill

How old are you?

Merrin

I am eleven. How old are you?

Col. O'Neill

So… Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

Merrin

You aren't a scientist?

Col. O'Neill

Oh no.

Merrin

Then you are not as smart as Major Carter and Dr. Fraiser?

Col. O'Neill

Well it depends on what you mean by... Okay, no! I'm not. But while they were stuck in school, I was out doing other things, like, having fun.

Col. O'Neill

All right! Will you two give it a rest? Both of you. You've been at this for 24 hours. You need rest.

Merrin

I do not need to. Urrone children require little sleep.

Maj. Carter

Okay, now I am jealous.

This is incredible. If the Asgard could design this, they're just the little green men we're looking for.

Col. O'Neill

They're grey, actually. Roswell Grey, to be exact.

Dr. Jackson

Okay, well, this is all well and good, but none of us are going anywhere unless we get that Asgard generator working again.

Col. O'Neill

Carter, download the program to the removable whatever it is and meet me and yourself in the lab.

Col. O'Neill

All right, I gotta know.

Dr. Jackson

Yes, I'm about to activate it.

Col. O'Neill

No, no, no, not that. What the hell does "kree" mean?

Dr. Jackson

Well, actually it means a lot of things. Loosely translated it means "attention", "listen up", "concentrate"…

Col. O'Neill

"Yoo-hoo?"

Dr. Jackson

Yes, in a manner of speaking.

Apophis

My First Prime killed you before my very eyes.

Col. O'Neill

I'm feeling much better, thank you.

Samantha

You have to understand, my Jack had the same face, same voice…same hands.

Col. O'Neill

Which brings to mind an obvious question: How could you marry such a loser?

Maj. Carter

Sir, he's not a Goa'uld.

Col. O'Neill

And? But? So? Therefore?

Aris Boch

You were thinking of the Goa'uld personal shields. The ones which allow slower-moving objects to pass through. That would hardly make a good trap, now, would it?

Col. O'Neill

Can't blame a girl for trying.

Aris Boch

And you, O'Neill, you're considered... well, you're a pain in the mikta.

Col. O'Neill

[looks over at Teal'c] Neck?

Teal'c

No.

Col. O'Neill

We're exactly one zat gun short of actually having a zat gun.

Aris Boch

Zat gun?

Col. O'Neill

Drop the n'kitel.

Aris Boch

I guess it does save a bit of effort.