George Hammond quotes from Stargate SG-1

We're transporting our people across the galaxy...to find something we lost in our own back yard! Incredible!

I thought the devices were supposed to enhance them physically, not make them stupid.

Okay, people. Let me remind you. This mission is recon only. Do not engage the enemy. I'm allowing the use of this ship because of the obvious tactical advantage it provides you. Under no circumstances is it to be used to travel through time. (beat) Never in my life did I imagine ever giving that order.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, here we go. Another scientist. General, please.

Capt. Carter

Theoretical astrophysicist.

Col. O'Neill

Which means?

Which means she's smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.

Col. O'Neill

You know, I'm kind of partial to P3575 if you don't mind taking P3A577.

No I'll take 577.

Col. O'Neill

I'm not married to it.

No, no it's_

Col. O'Neill

I want to be fair about it. How about we flip for it?

How 'bout you go where I tell you!

In one hour, you will go through the Gate to the planet represented by these symbols. It has been designated P3X-797.

Dr. Jackson

Couldn't we call this planet something that's a little easier to remember?

Capt. Carter

Ah, it's based on a binary code the computer uses for extrapolation.

Col. O'Neill

[dryly] Which makes it much easier to remember.

Col O'Neill

Come on, get me out of here! Tell you what. Let me put it nicely.[gets on a chair and gets his face into the video] Get me the hell out of here!

If that isn't O'Neill, I want to know who the hell we're looking at.

Teal'c, you'll have to leave that here.

Teal'c

I have seen your world. I will need it.

Can't let you take your weapon, Teal'c. You—all of you—will be operating in public so you can't do or say anything that reveals the existence of the SGC or the Stargate.

Teal'c

Chicago. The windy city. Home of the Black Hawks, the Bulls and the White Sox.

Col. O'Neill

Don't forget the Cubs.

[angrily] Colonel, did you authorize Dr. Jackson to reveal classified information to this civilian?

Col. O'Neill

Absolutely not, sir! In fact, I advised him not to say anything to her in spite of the fact that she used to run the entire program and is responsible for most of our current knowledge about the Gate.

You know, that's my car, don't you?.

Col. O'Neill

You should get that window fixed.

Hathor

May we take your hand?

[suspiciously] Why?

Hathor

We wish to kiss it. To bless you with fertility and joy.

Col. O'Neill

Well, you can't pass that up, sir.

Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs.

Col. O'Neill

Since when?

Since the election of this administration!

Why did you call me out here?

Col. O'Neill

Cuz Maybourne's not.

Dr. Jackson

[to Teal'c] What happens when you dial your own phone number? (Teal'C raises an eyebrow) Wrong person to ask...[turns to General Hammond] What happens when you dial your own phone number?

(excitedly) You get a busy signal.

It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here.

Col. O'Neill

How about a bake sale? [Hammond gives him a stern look] Yard sale? Garage...

This is what I look like when I'm not laughing, Colonel.

Col. O'Neill

Car wash?