KMr. Krabs
Wha? [looks at a clock] What's that? [looks at Gallery Grub with "Squeak" words in it] I didn't write that, agh! What? [Tom's mouth muted] Who said that? Who's there? [water dripping] Huh?
[Thunder rumbles]
[in Mr. Krabs' memory] Could the world greatest fry cook do this? And this! And this! And this! And this! And this, and this, and this, and this, and this. [Mr. Krabs' eyes swirl] This, and this, and this, and this, and this, and...?
KMr. Krabs
[snapping after too much squeaking] Stop it! Stop it! Oh! Don't you hear it? [short silence as the few customers stare at him] Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They're here! Under the floorboard! [sobbing] Oh, please! Make it stop! It's the squeaking of the hideous boots! [throws himself onto the floor and bawls] I'm sorry... [lifts up the entire Krusty Krab and grabs the boots, with everyone screaming inside.] ...but I can't take the infernal squeakin' no more! [throws himself onto the floor, then lifts the entire krusty krab up to grab the boots; He then rushes to the kitchen with the evil expression, He puts the boots into the vat of grease shrinking them and then eating them, He then opens the door to the dining room and lets out the burp] The deed is done.
[confused] Umm, why did you eat my boots Mr. Krabs?
KMr. Krabs
Because lad, you didn't need em. It's not the boots, it's the booty. Err, um, the person in the boots. You're a great fry cook, SpongeBob.
You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
KMr. Krabs
I do, son. [gives SpongeBob money] Here's your paycheck, SpongeBob. [gives more money] Plus, a bonus. [takes bonus back] Well, there's your paycheck anyway. [walks off] I need a vacation.
[Later, SpongeBob is walking home, back to Bikini Bottom, at night.]
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. [says "Buzz" fourteen more times as he walks up to the Krusty Krab door with a "Closed" sign and sees a plate full of Krabby Patties on a table] Krabby Patties. Buzz. Buzz. [walks past Sandy's treedome, then he sniffles] Sandy. [still saying "Buzz," walks up to his pineapple] What have I done? I had a great life and friends, and I gave all of that up.
[SpongeBob opens the door. The light turns on. Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Squidward, Patrick, and Gary are there to welcome him home.]
KPMr. Krabs, Patrick, and Sandy
Welcome home, SpongeBob! [Squidward blows a party blower]
You guys are the best! I made a huge mistake. Please forgive me!
KMr. Krabs
Ah, quit your blubbering and have a Krabby Patty. [hands him a Krabby Patty]
Don't mind if I do. [eats it as Mr. Krabs places his Krusty Crew hat on his head]
KMr. Krabs
And I'll see you at work first thing tomorrow morning.
[salutes] Aye, aye, captain!
SpongeBob, do us all a favor. [hands SpongeBob his pants]
Don't mind if I do! [puts on his pants] Ta-dah. [hugs Squidward] Aww.
Okay, that's enough. [everyone else hugs SpongeBob and Squidward]
Could we please stop this? [everyone except SpongeBob starts to feel something]
Patrick itchy! [everyone but SpongeBob starts to scratch themselves and crawl on the floor]
Uh, good evening and welcome to the first annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show, sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, because no one else would give it a home. [a rimshot plays and Patrick bursts out laughing] Uh, thank you, heh. Our next act is living proof that nepotism is alive and well. [another rimshot plays and Patrick laughs again]
It's happened! [laughing]
Heh, thank you. Uh, put your fins together for... [Patrick cracks up laughing very hard. Bashes on the table with laughter, shaking dinnerware. He falls off his chair] Put your... [Patrick laughs] Put... [Patrick laughs] Pearl. [crowd applauds]
KMr. Krabs
Hooray! [the curtain rises for Pearl, dressed in cheerleader uniform] My little girl is finally a star.
Give me a K-R-U! [jumps up and down on the stage causing the crowd to fly up and down with her] Give me a S-T-Y! [jumps up and down again] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down] Krusty Krab! [jumps up and down]
KMr. Krabs
[he, Patrick, and SpongeBob's parents get tossed up and down. Mr. Krabs appears happy] Now that's what I call talent! [Krusty Krab floor is destroyed]
Thank you, [chuckles] thank you!
I'm winning. I'm winning!
It's not about winning, it's about fun!
Fun is when you... [thinking to himself] fun is... it's like... it's kinda... sorta like a... what is fun? I... let me spell it for you. [singing while showing the letter "F"] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff together, [cut to a bored Plankton, then cut to SpongeBob showing the letter "U"] U is for you and me, [as the letter "N" while performing a cartwheel] N is for anywhere, anytime at all ♪
SSingers
[the letters "F" and "U" reappear next to SpongeBob] ♪ Down here in the deep blue sea ♪
♪ F is for fire that burns down the whole town, [cut to SpongeBob, visibly scared] U is for uranium... Bombs, [cut back to Plankton] N is for no sur-vi-vors, WHEN YOU--- ♪
Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about. Now, do it like this: [does some wacky dance moves] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff to-- ♪
Never! That's completely idiotic!
Here, let me help you. [grabs Plankton hands while helping him dance] ♪ F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me ♪ [stops singing] Try it!
[performs a cartwheel] ♪ N is for anywhere, anytime at all ♪
SSingers
♪ Down here in the deep blue sea ♪
Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?
No! That's how you're supposed to feel!
Well, I like it. Let's do it again!
[the scene cuts to the flower beds] Okay!
SPSpongeBob and Plankton
F is for frolic through all the flowers, [cut to Plankton inside a ukulele. SpongeBob is dressed Hawaiian style] U is for ukulele. [cut to the two at a Noses shop] N is nose-picking, [cut to SpongeBob blowing gum with Plankton inside] sharing gum, [cut to SpongeBob licking sand at Plankton] and sand-licking, here with my best buddy. [cut the two having fun with the "FUN" letters in the background] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is looking through a telescope at SpongeBob and Plankton.]
KMr. Krabs
Arrgh, mutiny.
KMr. Krabs
SpongeBob, may I speak to you in private? [to Plankton] You won't mind if I set this here, will you?
[Mr. Krabs puts a plate with a Krabby Patty on the table and pushes it toward him]
What's this all about, Mr. Krabs?
KMr. Krabs
He's a thief. Look at the lust in his eye, he's...
Why can't you just accept our friendship?
KMr. Krabs
He's just after me recipe. I'll prove it to you. [walks up to Plankton] Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.
Oh, yes, but I'm saving my appetite for some popcorn at the movies.
KMr. Krabs
Uh... suit yourself.
[Mr. Krabs walks off then comes back to push the plate closer to Plankton. He uses a fan to get the smell to Plankton.]
We've had enough of your little tests, Mr. Krabs! [turns the fan off] Come on, Plankton, let's get out of here. [they both walk away]
KMr. Krabs
Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight...
[Suddenly, the Krabby Patty on the table falls over, revealing it to be a cardboard prop; he realizes Plankton's friendship is a ruse]
KMr. Krabs
And maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! [jumps into the boat that serves as the cash register stand, takes a pair of oars, and starts rowing it] Hang on, lad, I'm a-coming!
[SpongeBob and Squidward are trying to drag along some big items. SpongeBob is dragging an anchor and Squidward is dragging a flaming boat.]
SpongeBob? Truce? [both wave a white flag]
SpongeBob, I can't take it anymore. If we keep this up, neither of us will win the award!
You're right. We should save our energy for work where we really need it. [it’s now dawn]
Okay, let's have a good clean fight.
And may the better man win.
[They shake hands smiling]
[thinking] He's nothing but a lying, boneless, ink-squirting, big-nosed phony.
[thinking] Look at that bucktooth, corn-fed smile, you can't trust him as far as you can throw him.
[thinking] As soon as he stops shaking my hand...
[thinking] ...I'm gonna make a run for it.
[SpongeBob and Squidward stop shaking hands, laugh nervously, and hastily run for the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is opening it up.]
KMr. Krabs
Money, money, gonna make some money! [sees SpongeBob and Squidward come running over] Ah, it warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early. Boys, you're early. Huh? [realizes that they aren't stopping for anything] Wait! [both push Mr. Krabs out of the way and start doing nice stuff]
LOOK, MR. KRABS! CLEAN FLOORS!
CLEAN TABLES, MR. KRABS! [presses too hard on the table while he is cleaning and breaks it in half]
KMr. Krabs
What's going on here? [SpongeBob drops and breaks the dishes and mops them just like that]
IT'S MUCH MORE EFFICIENT TO CLEAN DISHES THIS WAY, MR. KRABS!
FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE FOR YOU, MR. KRABS!
LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY OWN MONEY IN THE REGISTER, MR. KRABS! [SpongeBob puts his money into the register. Squidward and SpongeBob are in the kitchen] 2 SPATULAS TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY, MR. KRABS! FASTER, SPONGEBOB, FASTER!
THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS PATTY FLIPPING, MR. KRABS! I'LL EASILY DOUBLE YOUR OUTPUT, SPONGEHOG!
KMr. Krabs
Boys, boys, boys! [music gradually speeds up; both SpongeBob and Squidward make many patties to overflow the kitchen, cornering Mr. Krabs] Help! Help! [the amount of Krabby Patties fills up the kitchen and the Krusty Krab itself, causing the whole restaurant to explode, sending thousands of patties raining down in front of the citizens]
Hey, free Krabby Patties!
KMr. Krabs
[with his head bursting through one of SpongeBob's employee pictures] Wait, you've got to pay for those. Wait, wait, wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! [SpongeBob and Squidward come through the picture frame that Mr. Krabs is in and ask him who is the winner, while Mr. Krabs is still complaining about the Krabby Patties]
SO, WHO'S THE WINNER OF EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?!
ME, ME! IT'S ME! [SpongeBob and Squidward continue calling out simultaneously about who is the winner]
KMr. Krabs
Boys! Wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! Boys, wait! [the three continue to argue as the episode fades to black]
Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone.
[At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is washing dishes in the kitchen. The door creaks open and SpongeBob jumps in surprise.]
[The door creeks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. He turns around and sees 3 pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes.]
Ok, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, I’m leaving! [tries running out but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks]
KMr. Krabs
Hold on! Don’t you want to hear my annual scary story?
No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
KMr. Krabs
Aye, the worst monster of them all.
Uhh... no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story?
KMr. Krabs
True as the deep blue.
Okay, maybe just a little.
KMr. Krabs
Have a seat, me boy. [sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like... this! [holds up a Krabby Patty] Only bigger!
Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?
KMr. Krabs
Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people’s souls. [holds up a pickle]
Do souls look like pickles?
KMr. Krabs
Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them...in his soul bag.
[Drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly while Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit.]
I’ve come for your pickle.
[SpongeBob sees Squidward from behind him and jumps up shrieking.]
KMr. Krabs
Ha! Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [he and Squidward both laugh]
Patrick, you open this door. [Patrick is rolling SpongeBob away] Patrick, sometimes I just don't understand you. [SpongeBob sneezes] Hey! [walks over to Patrick's house] Okay, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
Uhh, uhh, he's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
Okay, now tell me, [shows two rocks] since when do you have two houses?
Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.
Uh-huh, yeah. Since when does your house have feet? [SpongeBob's feet are sticking out of the other rock]
This is my mobile home. [SpongeBob sneezes the rock off]
[holding SpongeBob's hand] Hmmm, the dirt therapy seems to be working just fine.
Patrick, SpongeBob has to see a real doctor.
No, he doesn't! I'm taking good care of him! Show her, SpongeBob! Say 'ahh'.
Ahh... [exhales a green gas that kills all the plants, clams, and everything else in its path]
See? He's even worse than I thought.
[wearing a clothespin on his non-existing nose] What do you mean? He's fine. [Sandy snatches the clothespin off of his nose]
I'm okay, Sandy, really. [sneezes again, enlarging himself more]
I'm taking you to the doctor right now! [rolls SpongeBob away]
Hey, that's my patient! [runs over and pushes SpongeBob the opposite way] You can't take him to the doctor's!
[rolling SpongeBob the other way again] Don't be silly, Patrick!
[carrying SpongeBob the other way] He's mine! [Sandy is log rolling SpongeBob the opposite way]
SpongeBob, you'll be better soon. [Patrick is using a wheelbarrow for SpongeBob]
I'll save you! [Sandy is using SpongeBob as a basketball]
I'm better, guys! Really! [Sandy and Patrick both push him into each other, squeezing him until he launches into the air]
Now look what you've done, Patrick!
What I've done? Everything was fine until you showed up!
You should be arrested for impersonating a doctor!
Hey! I'm a good doctor! Right, SpongeBob? [SpongeBob comes down and rolls away]
I can't stop! [screams while he rolls down a hill] Help me! [Mr. Krabs is cleaning some dimes]
KMr. Krabs
SpongeBob? [runs out the front doors] Stop, SpongeBob! Stop...!
[SpongeBob stops just in time. Mr. Krabs sighs in relief until SpongeBob sneezes so hard that he releases a cloud of pink bubbles that fill the screen and destroy the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs glares at SpongeBob, who returns to his normal size.]
KNKing Neptune
Yours is superior. [bows to SpongeBob] Therefore I concede to you, SpongeBob SquarePants, you win. [The crowd cheers]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Yeah! [dancing] We're going to Atlantis! We're going to Atlantis!
[King Neptune laughs]
KNKing Neptune
You, SpongeBob. That repulsive thing in my palace?
You mean, Patrick can't come?
KNKing Neptune
[laughs] No, of course not.
KNKing Neptune
Ah, the only friend you need, my dear boy, is the royal grill.
[crying and wiping his tears with a tissue] It was nice knowing you, buddy![Mr. Krabs cries]
[pats Mr. Krabs' claws] I know, Mr. Krabs, I'll miss you, too.
KMr. Krabs
I lost me bet!
KNKing Neptune
[luggage appears next to SpongeBob] Come, SpongeBob, grab your things! It's time to depart to Atlantis! [a two-seater bike appears. He rings bell and pats SpongeBob's seat]
I don't wanna go! [cries]
KNKing Neptune
It's too late now. I can't live without your burgers! [grows giant] You're going to be a god and like it! [zaps SpongeBob and he becomes a muscular god. But being the same size, he looks a little strange] Maybe we do have a problem.
[in a booming voice] Wait, Neptune! I have another idea! [summons lightning]
[The scene cuts to the outside of the Krusty Krab. Patrick walks in the Krusty Krab, his face still on his bottom]
Good morning, Krusty Krew.
Hi, Patrick. What'll you have?
Uhhh... [drools stupidly]
[SpongeBob writes Patrick's order on the notepad. King Neptune screams, drawing SpongeBob's attention]
KNKing Neptune
The accursed stove has burnt my finger! Feel thine own wrath, stove! [uses his powers to zap the stove] Haha!
[in a stern voice] What did I tell you about using your powers, trainee?
KNKing Neptune
[sighs, then embarrassedly puts his arms behind his back] Uh... Perfect patties are made with love, not magic.
[SpongeBob smiles, ending the episode]
KMr. Krabs
The hooks, me bucko! They're back! Beware the hooks!
KMr. Krabs
Aye, the hooks! They dangle down and draw you close with their pleasing shapes and beguiling colors, and just when you think you've found the land of milk and honey, they grab ya by the britches, and haul you way up high, and higher, and higher, and higher, until you're hauled up to the surface, flopping and gasping for breath! And then they cook ya, and then they eat ya...or worse!
[terrified] What could be worse than that?
KMr Krabs
I need a sailor's promise! Repeat after me: Yoho! Yoho! Near the hooks, I'll never go!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Yoho! Yoho! Near the hooks, we'll never go.
[A hook comes down and pokes Mr. Krabs in the butt]
KMr. Krabs
YOOOWIE! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! [rubs his butt]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Ahh! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! [rub their butts]
KMr. Krabs
What's the meaning of this, Mr. Squidward?
KMr. Krabs
[gets upset, his eyes turn into steamboat whistles] SPONGEBOB, GET OUT HERE! [SpongeBob peeks out the door] More. [SpongeBob peeks out a little further] More! [SpongeBob stretches himself partially trough the door] All the way, boy! [SpongeBob snaps out of the door and falls too the ground] What be the matter, SpongeBob? I ought to make you walk the plank for this!
I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, it's just that I, I...
I... I... I... I... I... I...
KMr. Krabs
Yes, yes, yes?
KKKr. Krabs
[shakes SpongeBob] Out with it, Boy! What is it?
I forgot how to tie my shoes.
KMr. Krabs
[laughs] That's all?
KMr. Krabs
I don't wear shoes.
[The camera zooms in to Mr. Krabs' feet, revealing he indeed doesn't wear shoes]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
