Abrasive SpongeBob quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

How did you figure that out?

SpongeBob

[lets go of Spot, who bounces] This happens all the time when he plays with Gary. [Spot barks, then Gary splats him with his eye stalks. This repeats.]

Oh, I admit, looking after Spot while Plankton is gone is proving trickier than I thought. [Spot hops on some tables, sucks up an entire food plate, and chews on a ketchup bottle, making him squirt ketchup all over the place while flying in the air.]

SpongeBob

[shrugging] Maybe he needs to burn off some energy?

S13 Karen For Spot

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Oh, it's over. I'm coming home early.

[on phone] You're what?

But I bought the most evil world-conquering device I could find. [holds a sphere with runes on it, and souls escape from it] Anyway, [puts away device] how's my little Spot? Put him on the phone. I miss his voice. [The scene cuts back to Karen, where she is stopped at a crosswalk as Spot moves past her.]

Put Spot on the phone?

SpongeBob

Whoa!

This phone?

SpongeBob

[whimpers] Ooh. [lassos telephone straight onto Spot, crushing him, Spot is on phone, barking]

[cutting back to him] There's my wittle man. Sounds like Mommy is taking good care of you.

FFirefighter

[holding onto tiny suitcase with tongs] Hey, some idiot left this tiny suitcase next to an open flame! [drops tongs and suitcase] Oh, no. [The building explodes, causing everyone to scream and leave.]

Uh, gotta go. [runs off]

S13 Karen For Spot

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[Plankton's taxi stops in front of the Chum Bucket as it's about to explode.]

[walking with doomsday device] I gotta be careful with you. [laughs] One wrong move and you'll blow the whole ocean sky-high. [laughs, notices Spot] Huh? [Spot barking happily]

Huh, the good times never last. [screams and runs away as the Chum Bucket and Spot crush him] Ouch! [Spot continues growing, catching the attention of others.]

CCitizens

Huh? [murmuring]

[escaping Spot] Karen! [SpongeBob, Karen, and Gary come out of spot] None of my sticky notes said to turn Spot into a behemoth!

Well, this wouldn't have happened if [points to Plankton] you had trained him properly.

I'm a busy man. [waves finger at Karen] You should've been following my instructions.

Excuse me? I am your computer wife, not your computer maid!

SSpot

[whimpering]

[off-screen] I slave all day over a hot keyboard-- [An open shot of Earth is shown as Spot continues to grow larger.]

[off-screen] Oh, so everything is my fault! It's all ones and zeroes with you, honey. [being held by Karen] You probably made Spot bigger than me on purpose...

SpongeBob

Ooh! [holds bone] Aha!

To make me feel small!

SpongeBob

[calling] Spot?

SSpot

[notices bone] Ah!

Your mouth is the biggest part of you-- [off-screen, Spot gets excited and licks his lips] Everything about you is small.

[off-screen, Spot tries to reach for the bone] My heart is big.

My mother was right, I should not have settled.

SpongeBob

Look!

KPKaren and Plankton

[look at Spot, Karen's screen turns into a question mark] Huh? [Spot starts barking, pushing towards them]

Spot! I think he's... dividing.

Aww, he doesn't like it when Mommy and Daddy fight. Come on, boy. Come to Papa. Come to Daddy.

Come on, boy!

SpongeBob

Come on.

Gary

[meowing]

[Spot detatches from his body mass and falls down]

AAll

Spot! [Spot lands on top of Plankton.]

[picks up Spot] Aww. [gets licked] Aww.

[picking up Plankton and Spot] Oh, I can't stay mad at these [touches Plankton, screen turns into heart] cute little faces.

Well, I'm still a little mad. [Spot licks him, both laugh]

S13 Karen For Spot

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SpongeBob

These pancakes are delicious, Sandy, but what do you call this sweet stuff?

Sandy

That's maple syrup, It's kinda like jelly that comes from trees. [Patrick eats some pancakes before saying.]

Tree jelly? Gross.[camera widens to a jellyfish between Patrick and Squidward] I prefer mine on tap. [extracts jelly from the jellyfish's tentacle on his pancakes, The jellyfish then stings Squidward painfully and flies away.]

Sandy

Welcome to Bikini Bottom's very first Arbor Day celebration.

Barbor day?

SpongeBob

[comes out his hair and beard] Well, I can use a trim.

I think she said Harbor day, to celebrate old navy swabs like meself.

Sandy

It’s ARRR-BOR day, It's a day to celebrate the joy of trees.

SpongeBob

[walks upfront to Sandy] But Sandy, you've got the only tree in town.

S13 Arbor Day Disarray

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[The episode opens with SpongeBob riding a unicycle.]

SpongeBob

Hi, Patrick! I just has another great- [stops riding the unicycle] Wait a minute! [rides back to Patrick] Hey what's wrong? [Patrick is seen holding a mallet.]

I think I've grown on a nose. [camera flashes to a tooth shaped nose.] I don't want a nose!

SpongeBob

Patrick, wait![Patrick whacks the mallet in his face causing the tooth to fall out]

S13 Ain't That the Tooth

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[The episode opens with a wide shot of Avocondo Acres.]

French Narrator

Ah, Avocondo Acres, Bikini Bottom's premier retirement community. This is where we find Harold and Margaret, the parents of the ocean's most exceptional multicellular organism, SpongeBob SquarePants.

[sniffs] Harold, do you smell that? It smells like something...rotting. [The avocado mush from the home lands on Harold.]

It's begun! We better run! [Harold takes Margaret in his arms and they run out of their rotting avocado home.]

EFElderly Fish

I tell people to rub their homes with lemon juice and wrap it in plastic! But do they listen?

Oh, Harold, what will we do?

Well, we'll just have to grow a new home. And in the meantime, we can stay with our son.

[Harold and Margaret drive off in their boat, while their avocado sits in a giant cup full of water. The scene transitions to SpongeBob's house.]

SpongeBob

Take cover, Gary! Watch this! I jump up and down, the soda bottles pop their corks, and send me dangerously around the room! I may not survive. [he laughs, then his phone rings] Hello? Hi Mom, hi Dad! Your house? Oh no! Stay with me? Why of course you can! Guess what, Gary? Mom and Dad are coming over to stay at our place for the very first time! [gary meows] I just thought of something. My parents haven't seen me in a while. They'll be expecting their son to be a little more, well, adult. Grown-up. Mature. And look at me! [A close-up of SpongeBob is seen with a bandage on his forehead and his helmet is squished on the side] And look at this place! It's a filthy mess!

"[The room is shining, and the scene transitions to SpongeBob cleaning his wall. Patrick appears where SpongeBob has cleaned.]"

Peek-a-boo!

French Narrator

Clean! "[transitions to SpongeBob vacuuming.]"

[SpongeBob vacuums up the floor, revealing Patrick again under the floor.]

I see you!

French Narrator

So clean! [transitions to SpongeBob cleaning his toilet]

[SpongeBob pulls Patrick out of the toilet]

We've gotta stop meeting like this.

"[appears behind SpongeBob]" You almost done?

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SpongeBob

Where have you two been? It is 8 o'clock at night. I was worried sick.

We were just having a little fun. [Harold puts his hat back on.]

SpongeBob

You're both acting like children. [takes hat off and stands up, crosses arms]

[points] And you're acting like a square!

SpongeBob

[gasps] I [face morphs to be square] am square, and I've already committed to acting mature, whether you like it or not.

Okay, Mr. Mature, it's time for you to have some fun, whether you like it or not!

It's Bikini Bottom after dark, baby! [pauses] It's gonna be wild. [record scratching, gestures at camera] Woot, woot!

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Yahoo! Masked luchador wrestling!

SpongeBob

[blows raspberry] How juvenile. [SpongeBob sits in the stands, between his parents.] Well, I guess this is all right. It shouldn't be too wild, just sitting here, watching.

[gives him the peanut bag] Uh, we're not here to watch.

[stands up] We're here to wrestle.

WAWrestling Announcer

It's tag team time! [buzzer sounds] Los Diablos vs. Madre y Padre! [Harold and Margaret put on wrestling uniforms and jump into the ring. SpongeBob is worried.]

SpongeBob

Mommy, Daddy, no!

[The opening bell rings, and wrestlers pound their fists together. Margaret does stretches. Harold runs in place, winds up a punch, and runs. The wrestler bounces him into the ground. Margaret tags him and gets tripped by another wrestler. She bounces off the ropes and into Harold. One Diablo grab Harold and play him like an accordion, and the other spins Margaret around and smashes her into the floor. SpongeBob tries to eat peanuts but reaches his hand through the bag and chews on his hand. One Diablo kicks Harold into the air and another bounces Margaret into the ropes. SpongeBob chews the bag and rocks back and forth in his seat. Los Diablos run into each other and smash Harold and Margaret together.]

SpongeBob

Mom, Dad! I'm coming! [puts the bag over his head and jumps into the ring, only to see everything empty] Uh, Mom? Dad? [Harold and Margaret are in the stands, cheering him on.]

'Atta boy, SpongeBob!

We're rooting for you, kiddo!

WAWrestling Announcer

For our next bout, it's El Muerte vs. Señor Peanuts Bag!

SpongeBob

Oh, wait, what?

[Pounding footsteps are heard. A wrestler in a skeleton outfit roars and pounds the ground, then runs forward.]

SpongeBob

[screams like a woman] Whoa![screams in regular and gets chased around] Mommy, Daddy!

[El Muerte stops and catches SpongeBob as he runs around, making him spin. El Muerte stomps on Patrick and bends his legs.]

SpongeBob

No más! No más! [gets grabbed by Harold] Yay! Whoa!

Now, wasn't that fun? [An injured SpongeBob walks off. Harold, Margaret, and SpongeBob drive away.]

Whoo-hoo! [El Muerte gets up and takes his helmet off, revealing him to be Patrick.]

[grunts] Where'd that peanut bag guy go? [stomach grumbles] I'm hungry. [A hot dog-themed wrestler approaches Patrick.]

HDHot Dog Wrestler (Master Udon)

How 'bout a hot dog?

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[Cut to the outside of a roller rink.]

SpongeBob

[off-screen] I never even knew there was a 24-hour roller rink in Bikini Bottom. [as everyone skates inside, SpongeBob and his parents have roller skates on] Well, I guess skating slowly around and around a roller rink isn't so wild.

Rink? We're skating through town. [she and Harold jump away]

Ha-ha!

Whoo! [A fish is sent flying from the impact.]

Whoops, excuse me![Harold and Margaret skate out of the roller rink. SpongeBob follows them on skates.]

SpongeBob

Hey! [Harold and Margaret skate past a garbage can, knocking it over, and scare an alley snail away.] Will you two please act your age? [In a hotel, the elevator opens and Harold and Margaret skate out. Margaret rings the bell. A doorman reaches for pay, but SpongeBob comes out and knocks him over.] Please stop![Lady Upturn and a rich man appear in the elevator and see the doorman knocked out. The rich man shuts the elevator again. Harold and Margaret skate in the hospital, pushing two senior citizens in wheelchairs.]

HMHarold and Margaret

Whoo-hoo!

SpongeBob

[riding on a hospitalized patient] Will you slow down? This is crazy![They go on a roller coaster at Glove World, through the ocean, and then he isexhausted] Please, I beg you... [As Squidward is still cleaning up the toilet paper, Harold and Margaret skate back home, laughing. SpongeBob follows them, panting heavily. Harold and Margaret land on the couch. SpongeBob struggles to stop his skates and faceplants.]

SpongeBob

Oh, I just wanted to impress you two by showing you what a mature adult I've become. But no, you wanted wild. Okay, fine! [pulls pants up] You want wild? [screaming] I'll show you! [pulls off his skin to reveal his stuntman uniform] Wild!

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Mrs. Puff

Hello, student drivers. I'm Mrs. Penelope Puff and, as per the court order, I will be your driving instructor in this educational film. By remembering these 138 simple rules of the road, every one of you will know all that you need to get your very own boating license.

SpongeBob

[after crashing the boat into the brick wall] Even me?

Mrs. Puff

Ugh.

S13 Yellow Pavement

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[takes away the KK's flowers, one by one] Pardon me, huh? Pardon me, huh? Pardon me, huh? Pardon me, huh?

Huh-m..Ohh-aaahhhh.... [looks love-smittenly at Petunia]

[enter's SpongeBob's workplace] Pardon me, huhhhhh?

SpongeBob

Don't forget this! [holds it and points his spatula at a bomb]

[grabs away bomb] I'll just freshen these florets and bring them right back, huh-huh? [rips away flowers and runs to defuse them]

[quietly talks to Squidward] I wonder what's wrong with Petunia.

Huh? Nothing's wrong with her! She's a perfectionist, like me! [hops onto his cashier stand] I'm in love with her, and I can't keep it a secret any longer! [rips open his shirt and runs to the Flower Pot] Petunia! [quietly laughs]

[gasps as she runs to the pot] I've got exactly one minute to defuse these bombs-

[disrupts Petunia's escapades and is seen standing at the Pot] I picked this begonia from my own flower garden, huh? [blinks cutely]

Oooh, that's a nice one, but I can't right now Mr. Tentacles, please step aside! Mmmm.... [grunts as she holds the bomb]

[holds out the begonia ring] Petunia the florist, will you ma- [Petunia explodes in Squidward's face, leaving him charred and stunned] Huh-huh?! [The begonia ring disintegrates into dust.]

You loopy, lovesick lummox! You sabotaged my whole plan! [Squidward groans in embarrassment, walks off, and rubs out a pile of sand over himself to make it look like a grave. A new flower pops up while doing so.] Woah! [spits and hops out of Petunia] Uh-oh... [A crowd angrily surrounds Plankton.]

[growls] Not only did you play with Squidward's heart- [scene cuts to a sand-covered Squidward] but ya cost me twenty-four bouquets! I say we step on 'im!

CCrowd

Yeah! [subsequent angry noises]

Oopsy-daisy, huh?

SpongeBob

[picks up Plankton with his shoe and cries happily] Petunia was very nice but I'm so glad you're back, Plankton.

Thanks, Sponge-Boob. You've given me the greatest gift I could ever ask for - just enough time to do this! [The Flower Pot transforms back into the Chum Bucket.]

[grabs Plankton back into the Chum Bucket] Let's go, buttercup.

Toodle-loo! [evilly laughs] No more flowers! It's back to the secret formula to me! [laughs again, but a spiked shoe flies at him] My iris!

CCrowd

[throw out objects and make angry noises, although SpongeBob seems to avoid committing to any violence, Laser guns pop out of the Chum Bucket.]

Mr. Krabs: Oh-no...

CCrowd

[lasers are shot in their direction] Ahhhhh!

I'm back, baby - huh?

S13 The Flower Plot

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[looks at watch] You two have ten hours. [SpongeBob keeps marching in the background] And since you're the artistic type, you get to design it.

[excited] Design? Okay! [skeptical] Wait, what's the budget?

Well, that's the best part! [pinches claws together] Zero budget! You get to be creative and use your imagerination.

SpongeBob

[waves his broom over Squidward's head, creating a rainbow] Imagination! [rainbow falls on Squidward, turning him rainbow, and he shakes it off in frustration]