Jennifer Lopez quotes from South Park

This is bullshit! How the fuck did I end up working at a La Taco?! I had six platinum records and starred in five Hollywood movies!

Yeah, me too.

Who the hell is this other Jennifer Lopez? Where does she come from?!

Well, she lives in South Park, Colorado now, but I believe she originally from Mexico, just like you.

I don't come from no Mexico! I'm Puerto Rican!

Tom, what is up with this Muhammad thing? It doesn't make sense.

Yeah, you said we were just suing South Park.

No, I said we're going to use South Park to make sure we never got ripped on again! Look, people, all of us... get ridiculed, but who is the one person on this earth that is completely free from slander?

You want Muhammad because he can't be ridiculed?

Muhammad has a power that makes him impervious to being made fun of. What if we…could harness that power. [walks up to Jimmy Buffett] Jimmy Buffett, how would you like it if nobody could call your music drunken fratboy monkey garbage?

I'd-I'd love it.

By taking what Muhammad has, we would all be safe from ridicule. Like Tim Burton here. Imagine it, Tim -- nobody could rip on you for all the rehashed movies you've made lately. There'd never be a TV show that pointed out you haven't had an original thought since "Beetlejuice." And you put Johnny Depp and the same crappy music in every film. And if you're that in love with Johnny Depp you should just have sex with him already. A TV show could never say that!

Gee, that'd be swell.

Well it can be a reality. Once we have Muhammad, we can take his power from him!

Cartman

Excuse me, [everyone turns to look at him] This is the home of Tom Cruise, right?

Hey, it's one of the kids from South Park that slandered me!

Cartman

I didn't come for myself. I'm just an escort for another celebrity who wants to get in on your lawsuit.

Who?

[pulls off her little cap] Allo! [the other celebrities smile at her]

Jennifer Lopez!

Yes, I am Jennifer Lopez! And I like tacos, and burritos.

[takes his guests to a lab, which has a machine, a duplicator of sorts] Here it is, friends. Once we have Muhammad, this machine will give us his power to not be made fun of.

Tom, Tom, you're talking crazy, mate. Only Muhammad has that ability. How could we ever get it from him?

We take his goo. [eating a burger] It's as simple as that, people.

Rob Reiner has been telling me about the goo which is inside every person on Earth.

Any goo can be harvested from a person's body, and easily placed into another.

Cartman

Wait, you mean, we aren't gonna sue and get a bunch of money?

No, Jen. We've all got enough money.

Yes, who needs more money? We need to get Muhammad's goo! Yes, yes! Arriba arriba!