“Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?” quotes from South Park

Now let me explain how communion works. The priest will give you this round cracker. And this cracker is the body of Christ.

Cartman

Jesus was made of…crackers?

No.

Stan

But crackers are his body.

Yes.

Kenny

What?

In the book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said "Eat this, for it is my body."

Cartman

So we won't go to Hell as long as we eat crackers.

No no no no!

Butters

Well, what are we eating then?

The body of Christ!

Stan

No no no, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals...so he turned himself into crackers and then told people to eat him.

No!

Stan

No?!

Butters

I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers.

Look, all you need to know is that when the priest gives you the cracker, you eat it. Okay?

Okay...

And then you will drink a very small amount of wine. For that, is the blood of Christ.

Cartman

Oh come on now, this is just getting silly.

Eric, do you want to go to hell?

Cartman

No!

Then stop questioning me.

Stan

[after Kenny is hit by a bus] Oh my God! They killed Kenny!

Butters

He had sins that he didn't confess!

Cartman

And he never took communion!

Stan

He's doomed.

Cartman

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

No, it can't be! You're dead! I killed you!

Yeah, you killed me. So? Where was I going to go, Detroit?

Cartman

And that was about everything from first grade. And then last year...you can't tell anybody about this stuff, right?

Your confession does not leave this box.

Cartman

Okay, because last year, I took a sandwich that the priest of this church had been eating.

Oh. Well, I'm sure he would forgive you...if he...knew.

Cartman

No but I'm not finished yet. I took the sandwich that the priest was eating, took the piece of ham out of it, put it between my butt cheeks, and then put the sandwich back and watched him eat it.

[annoyed] I see.

Cartman

And then this other time, I went pee pee in the holy water thing, and the priest blessed himself on the forehead with it every day for about a week. And then this one time, I was at the park, and the priest was out walking his dog, and I went number two on the sidewalk, and then told Officer Barbrady that it was the priest's dog, so then the priest got fined like $100 for not picking it up. And then this one time, I put superglue all over the priest's bottom...