You'll never guess what happened. Butters just beat up Scott Malkinson!
It was crazy! Scott was just talking about how he needed to take his insulin shot, and out of nowhere, Butters said he's sick of people with diabetes feeling sorry for themselves. Scott told Butters to shut up and Butters just started whaling on him!
You're talking about Butters?
Dude, I'm telling you! Butters beat the crap out of Scott, and then he locked himself in the bathroom!
[The boys leave the cafeteria and stand outside the restroom around the corner, where Butters has locked himself in]
[knocking on the door] Butters?
[off-screen] LEAVE ME ALONE!
GET OUTTA HERE, ALL OF YA!
Butters, people can't just go around beating up people who have diabetes. Now, whatever your problem is, you just...
[unlocks the door and barges out] You just think you know everything, don't you, Kyle?! Every little thing, you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well, you don't know everything because your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about his image! You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school?! You're all fake and stuck up and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy that his jokes aren't funny! The only kid here with any sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have your heads up your butts! [runs back into the restroom and locks himself in]
Well, apparently, Kenny is Butters' best friend. You guys gonna make out, Kenny?
[runs out of the restroom again] AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING! YOU'RE ALWAYS TRIVIALIZING EVERYTHING I SAY BY GETTING THE LAST WORD! WELL, YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE LAST WORD THIS TIME! [runs back into the restroom and locks himself in again]
[peeks his head out the door] Double wow!
[Later… in Principal Victoria's office; Principal Victoria discusses with Stephen and Linda about Butters' behavior]
PVPrincipal Victoria
I'm sorry, but your son is distracting the other students and his attitude is just getting worse.
[irked] Butters, what on earth has gotten into you?!
[gruffly while feeling grouchy] I don't know, Dad, I was just pissed off, I guess!
[sternly] Do you think this behavior is fair to your teacher and classmates?
I don't suppose it is, but I don't give a darn!
Do you have any idea how grounded you are about to be, mister?
[angrily snapping] Why don't you shut up, Dad, and stick in your ear, for crying out loud!
[After a short pause…]
Stephen, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yes. Our little Butters is flowering. He has reached the age of Panua.
PVPrincipal Victoria
Excuse me?
Principal Victoria, this isn't Butters' fault.
[enters the principal's office where Mr. Mackey, Principal Victoria, and three Israel rabbis are all waiting] What's going on?
PVPrincipal Victoria
Kyle, these men have apparently come all the way from Israel to speak with me, but... we need a translator.
Kyle, please try your best. It seems pretty important.
[Cartman is sent to Principal Victoria's office and she confronts him about using the girls' bathroom]
PVPrincipal Victoria
I want to know just what makes you think it's okay to go inside the girls' bathroom.
Because I'm transgender. I looked it up, that means I can use the girls' shitter.
PVPrincipal Victoria
You are not transgender, Eric. You don't even know what that means.
Yeah-huh, it means I live a life of torture and confusion because society sees me as a boy but I'm really a girl.
PVPrincipal Victoria
All right. Well, if you identify yourself as a girl, you must find yourself attracted to boys. Is that right?
That's actually not true. I can be transginger without it having anything to do with the ginger I'm attracted to. Check the state bylaws.
PVPrincipal Victoria
All right, listen, Eric…
PVPrincipal Victoria
Listen, Eric. You must know why we can't have you in the girls' bathroom.
All I know is I'm transginger, and you can't make me go to the bathroom with the cisgingers.
PVPrincipal Victoria
With the what?
PVPrincipal Victoria
[enters the girls' bathroom] Erica, I believe we have a solution to this little problem.
I don't have a problem, Principal Victoria. The cisgenders have the problem.
PVPrincipal Victoria
If it is agreeable to you, Erica, we are going to clear out the janitor's closet and remodel it into a private bathroom just for you!
PVPrincipal Victoria
Eric, I've had a lot of complaints that your online persona is becoming a distraction.
Well, this sucks. Looks like I'm in the principal's office for just commenting on things.
PVPrincipal Victoria
Eric, I am talking to you!
Adults so don't get what's cool anymore.
[Fairplay Motel room; Mr. Garrison, Principal Victoria, and Caitlyn Jenner have Randy tied up in a chair for interrogation]
[as Mr. Garrison splashes water on him] Hey, fuck you.
Garrison? What the hell is wrong with you?
I'll tell you what's wrong with me. There's enemies to humanity out there wantin' to put an end to all of us, and there's assholes like you helpin' them out!
I don't know what you're talking about.
PVPrincipal Victoria
Whose idea was it to revitalize the shitty part of town into an arts-and-foods district called Shi Tpa Town?
All right, it was kind of my idea.
What? To take one area of town that was crappy and gentrify it for the local people to enjoy? I thought we could keep it contained!
PVPrincipal Victoria
It doesn't contain. What's happened to South Park is happening everywhere. [takes out an album book] Thirty miles south of here in the town of Fairplay, they've changed the area north of downtown into NODOFOPA. A run-down area south of the capital in Cheyenne, Wyoming, is now historic SOCACHEYWO. Channel Street in mid-Chicago is being revitalized into Chimichanga.
PVPrincipal Victoria
LODO, SOBRO, RIVMO… All happening at the same time. And it isn't just in the U.S. In Cairo, the area northwest of the third pyramid is NoWe3Pi. Three miles north of Auschwitz is NoMoAuchie. It goes on and on!
In our town it all started when PC Principal arrived. He's part of a much larger conspiracy, and you're his lackey.
South Park · 1,569 quotes
