Fuck Mother Nature! She doesn't have to worry about her vagina getting stretched. Ow!
You were already pretty stretched out down there, Karen.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I think I'm depressed. I've been feeling kind of funky lately.
Means you're gonna get your period soon.
It does?
Don't wear white for a while.
Your sister's driving me crazy. I don't know what it's gonna take for her to trust me. Again.
Can you blame her? You know, you have a whole other family. First, your name was Steve, then Jimmy. You know, you disappear to Brazil. Come back married. You know, it's kind of a tough way to build up trust.
I really am trustworthy, though.
Yeah, well, you're gonna have to do something bold to prove it.
Holy shit... they're still fucking?
Sometimes it's fighting. Can't really tell the difference.
[Referring to Karen's baby] That thing looks weird.
I think he looks beautiful.
What's wrong with him?
He has Down syndrome, Debs.
Yeah, and he's Asian.
Maybe we're just looking at him upside down.
What the fuck, Karen?!
I never said it was yours. You just wanted it to be.
[about Steve] Christ, V. I can't let him back into this madness.
Isn't that his choice?
Well, he thinks he wants it now. Just wait a year or two, when I have one in the oven and Frank throws up on our bed in the middle of the night or Monica tries to hang herself in the closet with an old shoelace.
You're going to be disappointed.
Wouldn't be the first time somebody's disappointed me.
Frank is like scabies; you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try.
[Gasps] Shit!
What's the matter?
$1,000.
Mm, back to sleep.
I can't breathe.
Maybe it has something to do with the pillow on your face.
I gotta pay the property tax.
All right, come here, come here, come here.
Stop poking me with that thing.
Thought you liked me poking you with this thing.
What was I thinking? [Sighs exasperatedly]
[Fiona is in the shower and he sits on the toilet] Is this about the club thing?
I woke up having a panic attack that I was just like Frank and Monica taking our money, except I wasn't even getting high with it.
You know, you're gonna throw a kick-ass club night. You gotta be entrepreneurial, right? Invest in yourself.
Are you taking a dump right now?
Like clockwork, every morning.
Jesus.
What, I can't take a dump in here?
[Grabs towel] Not in front of me you can't.
You were in the shower.
Yeah, and now I'm out of the shower.
I wouldn't care if you took a dump in front of me.
[Sighs and opens door with Lip, Ian and Carl running frantically in hall] Oh! What's going on?
Frank drunk looking for a bed!
Who the hell let him in?
Debbie!
We begged her not to.
He's not hot-bunking my bed.
Why can't he sleep out on the porch? It's warm enough.
I want my old bed back.
Oh, hell, no!
Up. Step, step.
Morning, Frank.
This is my house!
It's okay, Daddy. You can sleep in my room.
Wouldn't do it, Debs. He's especially ripe this morning.
Frank smells like dog piss.
Not dog piss! Gary the homeless guy.
Come on, Daddy. Sweet dreams, Daddy.
Hey, that's my tent.
[Shoves him in chest] I'll hose it off after he wakes up.
Debs, don't let Frank in here anymore.
This is his home too. He disappeared for months. And now he's back. [Shoves her way past] Excuse.
...
Hey, Daddy. Brought you breakfast. And the newspaper. Good to have you home. Can you help me with my social studies project? It's on the civil war. Gotta build Lincoln's log cabin.
Deb.
Hmm?
Too much noise. [Shoves her away] I need peace and quiet. I'm trying to sleep. [Debbie looks at him looking cheated]
[Steve walks Carl out the front door]
Seriously? You're walking me to the curb? What, did I go back in time and turn six?
Have a good day at school, Carl. Learn something useful. [Walks up to Beto's Cadillac Escalade]
[Singing along to Payphone] You like? [[w:Maroon 5|Maroon 5].
What the hell are you doing here?
Have you gotten a job yet?
No.
Nando told you to get a job.
Listen, I don't know what it's like in Brazil, But we're in a recession here.
Oh. Hmm. I'll keep my eye on you from now on, okay?
Excuse me?
Make sure you don't get into trouble. We are partners now. Wherever you go, I go. [Snickers] Like a married couple, huh?
[Lip is serving community service picking up trash]
GGrizz
Why they got you doing this, man?
B&E, theft, and assault.
GGrizz
[Scoffs] nice.
You?
GGrizz
Hit a kid with a brick. Kinda broke his face.
Hey, how many hours you get for that?
GGrizz
50.
Shit, man, I got 120. Least there's always someone with some weed.
GGrizz
Hey, got any weed?
10 bucks a joint. [Sells him one]
GGrizz
See, what'd I tell you? [High-end vehicles pull up and clean-cut youths get out holding potted flowers] What's up with the geek squad? Is that the fucking cast of glee? Yeah. Looks like a bunch of do-gooders. More like a bunch of gonna get their ass kicked-ers.
Mama's so tired. Don't you want to give your wee lungs a-- [Carries Hymie outside while taking out the trash and sets Hymie on trash can] Oh, god, that's so loud. [Carrie bucket inside mistaking it for Hymie's carrier] Everything's so loud. Maybe we can... have Jody rub your tummy. And Mama, she can take a little nap. [sighs] I don't remember Karen causing such a fuss as you, Hymie. Maybe it's from your Chinese side. Okay. [Lies on couch for nap]
Cool, you got hymie to quiet down?
[Gets up and frantically out door] Hymie! No...! he's not trash! Whoa! Whoa! He's not trash! No, hymie! No! [Crying] Oh, hymie...! :Sheila: Oh, my god! Hymie. I'm so sorry!
It's okay, Sheila, he's fine.
No, but he was almost swallowed up by the truck! Oh, my--I'm such a terrible mother.
No, you're just- you're just a tired mother.
[Sobs] No, I-- I don't deserve to live.
GGrizz
You ever shoot crack?
No.
GGrizz
Ever eat mescaline-laced mushrooms?
Nope.
GGrizz
Put a tequila-soaked tampon up your ass?
What? No, dude. I get it. I'm--I'm obviously not as cool as you.
CCasper
[Planting flowers and starts walking over] Smells good.
Yeah, it's, um, primo stuff. 20 bucks a joint.
CCasper
Can I buy five?
Yeah, sure thing.
CCasper
I'm Casper.
Lip.
GGrizz
Grizz.
CCasper
You live around here?
About four blocks over.
CCasper
[Takes a drag on join] Cool. [Coughs]
I guess. Where you from?
CCasper
Uh, Lakeshore. I didn't choose it, I was just born there.
What are you doing slumming it down here?
CCasper
[Chuckles and pinches up shirt] City youth. We're, uh, beautifying Chicago one block at a time.
Good luck with that. Those flowers, they're not gonna last about two hours.
CCasper
Just looks good on my tufts application. Admissions people are into you helping out the poor and shit.
Oh, sorry. It's okay. I'm not offended. Hey, uh, you interested in beautifying any other parts of the neighborhood?
CCasper
Anything to beef up my CV.
Think I may have something for you. See if I can work it out.
CCasper
Dude, hit me up anytime. I'm on Facebook. Casper Duncan.
[Shakes Casper's hand] You got it, Casper Duncan.
Frank, what the hell? I got that roast chicken for dinner tonight!
My house, my kitchen, my fridge, my chicken. [Referring to his Shorts#Daisy Dukes] I cut these too short. My balls are hanging out.
Yeah. [Walks away]
[Walks up to Mandy at her locker and squeezes her rear] Nice ass.
[Scoffs and shoves him] thought you were my history teacher Mr. Crouch. [They now walk down hall]
Well, sorry to disappoint.
Hey, how was community service?
Yeah, good. I met some North Side kids. Think I can make some dough off of them.
Cool.
Yeah, gotta do what I can with my sister stealing a bunch of our property tax money.
Well, that was cunty of her. You know, you should be in charge of your family's money, Not Fiona.
MMrs. Mederios
Mr. Gallagher, just left Mr. Healey's office. Rumors about you two true? Said you were supposed to ask me for a recommendation.
Sure, in his mind, I was supposed to do that.
MMrs. Mederios
A letter of recommendation from a science teacher looks good on your college applications.
[Opens door to classroom] Bet it does. [Lip and Mandy go in classroom]
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