Shh, shh, shh. You all packed?
Just staple some sheets together.
This camp's got a rifle range and woods all around a lake. I'm definitely gonna kill something, like a grizzly, mountain lion, maybe a tiger. Or I might just go in the canoe and shoot some fish.
Cancer's opening up a whole wonderful world for you, a world your other siblings will never get to experience. But they don't know that this camp is only for kids with cancer, so, like I said before, you must keep that secret. Are you still someone I can trust?
Why am I the only one who caught cancer from Grammy?
Life is rife with questions that baffle. All we can do is carry on.
Time will tell. But don't you worry. I'm working on a cure.
...
Carl, what are you doing?
All right, take my ROTC sleeping bag, huh?
Yeah. I'll grab it from upstairs. Why couldn't you win a raffle for camp when I was little, Frank?
Fortune dispenses randomly. I hated camp. [To Carl] Don't listen to Jamie, Carl.
BBobby
[Over intercom] Princess, it's time for your break. Princess, stop working so hard.
Princess, I got it. Go take your break.
FCFiona co-worker
It's not a "break" break. It's a "bobby" break.
[Frank is dropping Carl off at the camp bus]
Will you be coming up for parents day, Mr. Gallagher?
No. No, no. Working. No time to relax. Being able to afford Carl's cancer drugs means a lot of time at the foundry. And, if I'm late, I get docked. I get docked too many times, I get fired. If I get fired, I lose my benefits, benefits that will provide treatments to extend Carl's life past the doctor's original dire predictions.
We'll take good care of him, I promise.
Okay, folks, bus is leaving. Get your hugs in.
Okay, check it out. [Hands Carl a bottle of pills that are likely breath mints] I was able to pull some strings and get you these special cancer pills. Take one a day. They'll give you the energy To get through camp.
Will they cure my cancer?
Depends on your attitude.
[Hugs Frank] I love you, dad.
Okay. Okay, good. There you go. Be brave.
BDBoth Debbie and Ashish
ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen...
AAshish
one, two, three... four, five...
Ashish, it's not your turn. What number did I get up to?
AAshish
Five! Or thirteen...
[Campers are all singing around campfire]
You want to sing along with us, carl?
Got some info for you on that one. We no longer offer a rifle range.
That's bullshit! [All campers turn heads to them]
There's a range on the pamphlet.
How about I teach you to play chess?
How about I call Action 4 News and tell them you're lying to a bunch of dying kids On what they get to do at this horseshit camp! [All campers turn heads to them]
I want to go to the forest and kill something.
Let's find you something safe to do, yet still thrilling, Like making a tie-dyed t-shirt.
You don't have to want it. Doing things you don't want to do is how you make a relationship work.
I can't, Frank. I'm sorry. Sex toys are a gateway choice.
Toys can be mind-expanding.
I just got my one-year chip from sex addicts anonymous. Part of my recovery's to make certain that I only have loving, committed sex. No battery-powered aids allowed.
She just wants to kick it up a notch. Make her happy.
The key to my continued happiness is to have loving sex infrequently.
I've mastered the infrequent part.
This isn't about your happiness. It's about Sheila's.
I finally got my life back under control. If I kick it up a notch, there's no stopping me. It's an addiction.
Oh, would you stop bragging? We're all sex addicts, man.
What, thinking about it? Yeah. More.
No, the act. Arousal and release. Before I got into SA, I was having sex 10, 12 times a day.
Never receiving. I was destroying.
That's what I used to call it; "destroying pussy."
You all make coming to work such a delight. [She walks away]
10, 12 times a day? The same woman?
Never. That's the thing about the internet. Once you announce your depravity, there's plenty of other depravers seeking company. I mean, if you put it out there, you can find a ton of willing participants who want to be humiliated having sex.
I got to re-up my AOL account.
One week, I had 32 different partners. Didn't cost me a dime. Toys, contraptions, Restraints. You know, you start messing around, you think you're under control, but eventually you abuse your arousal center, needing stranger and stranger shit to flip your switch. I mean, I started to look at sex like a fight, and my weapon was my cock. I knew I really had a problem when I couldn't get hard unless I was slapping it in the face of a woman who was pretending she was crying.
I underestimated you, Jody. In a bar full of depraved people, you are the grand poobah of depravity.
Was. Won't be again. What do I owe you for the Ginger Ale, Kev?
Mixed. You got any rainbow sprinkles?
They discontinued using sprinkles last summer. Some brands of food coloring have been linked to cancer.
I already have cancer. This camp blows. No sprinkles? What is this, Mexico?
We're trying to create an enjoyable--
Create a way to get some sprinkles here before we die.
Hey, kids, it's Moppy the clown. [Kids cheer]
Yo, Carl, way to speak up.
Want to go check out the lake?
But they'll get mad if we don't ask permission.
Cancer is our permission. We've been at this camp for a whole day without seeing the lake.
I've never seen a lake before.
How'd cashier work get weird? I think everyone at work other than me is blowing the manager.
That's genius. Evil genius.
Taking advantage of women who can't afford to lose their jobs? It's sick.
I need the job. Overtime. Benefits. But eventually, they're all gonna realize I'm not carrying my share of the load. Literally. Maybe I can figure out a way to make 'em all stop before they realize I'm getting a free ride. Yeah, if we stick together, Collectively boycott giving him what he wants, maybe it can stop. There's strength in numbers. United we stand. Divided, we keep sucking dick. Hey, revolutions have begun with less inspiring phrases.
Flat rocks skip better. They pay for your braces before or after they found out you were dying?
You got cancer, dude. You're dying. We're all dying.
My dad got me some special pills.
I thought this camp was supposed to, you know, like, help kids, fresh air and that stuff.
The only kids invited to this camp are the ones that ain't gonna make it. This is the final party. One final "screw you," putting all this cool shit within arm's reach and then not letting us do dick.
If you had to pick one wish they would actually grant, What would it be?
Titties. Never seen a real girl's titties.
Sure. But never seen titties in real life. You?
Like titties, except their your older sister's. You don't really want to keep looking at 'em.
Okay, kids, for lunch, we have organic chicken, a fresh kale salad, and a juice bar with beets and cukes and ginger and carrots ready to be ground down into their essential goodness.
CCamper
Chickie nugs? I want some.
Sorry, guys. No chicken nuggets.
No. I'm a college student.
Buy one. People who go to college are rich.
Then go call us a cab And go get us some nuggets.
CCamper
I got money. My mom said I could buy whatever I want from the camp store. I want chicken nuggets.
There's no nuggets at the camp store.
We're dying of cancer. Serial killers on death row get lobster for their final meal.
Any one of these next meals could be our last. We can't even get some chicken nuggets? We have cancer. Go get us some nuggets now! [Starts chanting] Nuggets... :[All the campers join in chanting and pounding on table]
This is where they lock up the pain pills. We need a bolt cutter.
No, we don't. Let's just use your swiss army knife and unscrew the bolts.
What are you kids doing in here?!
We were gonna steal the drugs and sell them.
Really? You need to work on your lying.
What do you need money for?!
GGirl
We want to pay a woman--
Shut up. This is a camp that's supposed to fulfill wishes, but all you do is say "no."
[Sighs] Kids, I came to work here to do my part in diminishing the burden of your illness. I know you've been disappointed with some of the restrictions put on you here. I wish I had the power to change that.
You may have more power than you think.
...
[Appears to Carl, Hanley and a girl] I'm only doing this for Hanley.
You're the best friend I've ever had.
[Wendy takes off shirt and bra]
Now how about the lower half?
MCMoppy the clown
Wendy? Wow. Exactly how I imagined them to be. [Wendy covers breasts in embarrassment and flees]
Couple of tips: Don't relax. Pretend you're scared. She likes that.
I don't have to pretend, though.
It'll stretch. Trust me. If god didn't want us putting things up our ass, He would have given the rectum a gag reflex.
Loving sex is a rule of my program.
Don't let your emotions completely obscure the barbaric roots of the sexual act.
Don't lose touch with the seeds of our animal nature.
That's a good thing. We're not animals.
We're people with the ability To elevate sex to a spiritual, loving experience.
