Wendy quotes from Shameless

Wendy

Will you be coming up for parents day, Mr. Gallagher?

Frank

No. No, no. Working. No time to relax. Being able to afford Carl's cancer drugs means a lot of time at the foundry. And, if I'm late, I get docked. I get docked too many times, I get fired. If I get fired, I lose my benefits, benefits that will provide treatments to extend Carl's life past the doctor's original dire predictions.

Wendy

We'll take good care of him, I promise.

Frank

Thank you.

Wendy

Okay, folks, bus is leaving. Get your hugs in.

Frank

Okay, check it out. [Hands Carl a bottle of pills that are likely breath mints] I was able to pull some strings and get you these special cancer pills. Take one a day. They'll give you the energy To get through camp.

Carl

Will they cure my cancer?

Frank

Depends on your attitude.

Carl

[Hugs Frank] I love you, dad.

Frank

Okay. Okay, good. There you go. Be brave.

Carl

What's that smell?

Wendy

Fresh air.

Carl

Where's the rifle range?

Wendy

Don't think we have that anymore.

Carl

Then why's it on the pamphlet?

Wendy

That is a worthwhile inquiry.

Carl

You shouldn't have put it on the pamphlet if you don't have it.

Wendy

Well, let's go check.

Wendy

You want to sing along with us, carl?

Carl

I want to shoot a rifle.

Wendy

Got some info for you on that one. We no longer offer a rifle range.

Carl

That's bullshit! [All campers turn heads to them]

Wendy

Language, please, carl.

Carl

There's a range on the pamphlet.

Wendy

How about I teach you to play chess?

Carl

How about I call Action 4 News and tell them you're lying to a bunch of dying kids On what they get to do at this horseshit camp! [All campers turn heads to them]

Wendy

I'm sorry, Carl.

Carl

I want to go to the forest and kill something.

Wendy

Let's find you something safe to do, yet still thrilling, Like making a tie-dyed t-shirt.

Wendy

Vanilla or chocolate?

Carl

Mixed. You got any rainbow sprinkles?

Wendy

They discontinued using sprinkles last summer. Some brands of food coloring have been linked to cancer.

Carl

I already have cancer. This camp blows. No sprinkles? What is this, Mexico?

Wendy

We're trying to create an enjoyable--

Carl

Create a way to get some sprinkles here before we die.

Wendy

Hey, kids, it's Moppy the clown. [Kids cheer]

Hanley

Yo, Carl, way to speak up.

Carl

Want to go check out the lake?

Hanley

Sure. I'll go ask.

Carl

Don't ask. Just go.

Hanley

But they'll get mad if we don't ask permission.

Carl

Cancer is our permission. We've been at this camp for a whole day without seeing the lake.

Hanley

I've never seen a lake before.

Carl

Not even Lake Michigan?

Hanley

Where's that?

Wendy

Okay, kids, for lunch, we have organic chicken, a fresh kale salad, and a juice bar with beets and cukes and ginger and carrots ready to be ground down into their essential goodness.

Carl

Got any chicken nuggets?

Hanley

I love chicken nuggets.

Chickie nugs? I want some.

Wendy

Sorry, guys. No chicken nuggets.

Carl

Got a car?

Wendy

No. I'm a college student.

Carl

Buy one. People who go to college are rich.

Wendy

I'm not.

Carl

Then go call us a cab And go get us some nuggets.

I got money. My mom said I could buy whatever I want from the camp store. I want chicken nuggets.

Wendy

There's no nuggets at the camp store.

Hanley

We're dying of cancer. Serial killers on death row get lobster for their final meal.

Carl

Any one of these next meals could be our last. We can't even get some chicken nuggets? We have cancer. Go get us some nuggets now! [Starts chanting] Nuggets... :[All the campers join in chanting and pounding on table]

Carl

This is where they lock up the pain pills. We need a bolt cutter.

Hanley

No, we don't. Let's just use your swiss army knife and unscrew the bolts.

Wendy

What are you kids doing in here?!

Hanley

We were gonna steal the drugs and sell them.

Carl

Really? You need to work on your lying.

Wendy

What do you need money for?!

We want to pay a woman--

Carl

Shut up. This is a camp that's supposed to fulfill wishes, but all you do is say "no."

Wendy

[Sighs] Kids, I came to work here to do my part in diminishing the burden of your illness. I know you've been disappointed with some of the restrictions put on you here. I wish I had the power to change that.

Carl

You may have more power than you think.

Wendy

[Appears to Carl, Hanley and a girl] I'm only doing this for Hanley.

Carl

I have cancer too.

Me too.

Hanley

You're the best friend I've ever had.

Carl

Now how about the lower half?

Wendy

Not happening, pal.

Wendy? Wow. Exactly how I imagined them to be. [Wendy covers breasts in embarrassment and flees]