Hanley quotes from Shameless

Hanley

Yo. I'm Hanley.

Carl

Carl.

Hanley

What up?

Carl

Not my red blood cell count. What kind do you got?

Hanley

The kind that kills kids. You?

Carl

Same.

Wendy

Vanilla or chocolate?

Carl

Mixed. You got any rainbow sprinkles?

Wendy

They discontinued using sprinkles last summer. Some brands of food coloring have been linked to cancer.

Carl

I already have cancer. This camp blows. No sprinkles? What is this, Mexico?

Wendy

We're trying to create an enjoyable--

Carl

Create a way to get some sprinkles here before we die.

Wendy

Hey, kids, it's Moppy the clown. [Kids cheer]

Hanley

Yo, Carl, way to speak up.

Carl

Want to go check out the lake?

Hanley

Sure. I'll go ask.

Carl

Don't ask. Just go.

Hanley

But they'll get mad if we don't ask permission.

Carl

Cancer is our permission. We've been at this camp for a whole day without seeing the lake.

Hanley

I've never seen a lake before.

Carl

Not even Lake Michigan?

Hanley

Where's that?

Carl

Cool.

Hanley

Flat rocks skip better. They pay for your braces before or after they found out you were dying?

Carl

I'm not dying.

Hanley

You got cancer, dude. You're dying. We're all dying.

Carl

My dad got me some special pills.

Hanley

Good luck with that.

Carl

Seriously.

Hanley

They ain't got no cure.

Carl

I thought this camp was supposed to, you know, like, help kids, fresh air and that stuff.

Hanley

The only kids invited to this camp are the ones that ain't gonna make it. This is the final party. One final "screw you," putting all this cool shit within arm's reach and then not letting us do dick.

Carl

If you had to pick one wish they would actually grant, What would it be?

Hanley

Titties. Never seen a real girl's titties.

Carl

Porn?

Hanley

Sure. But never seen titties in real life. You?

Carl

Older sister.

Hanley

Describe 'em.

Carl

Like titties, except their your older sister's. You don't really want to keep looking at 'em.

Wendy

Okay, kids, for lunch, we have organic chicken, a fresh kale salad, and a juice bar with beets and cukes and ginger and carrots ready to be ground down into their essential goodness.

Carl

Got any chicken nuggets?

Hanley

I love chicken nuggets.

Chickie nugs? I want some.

Wendy

Sorry, guys. No chicken nuggets.

Carl

Got a car?

Wendy

No. I'm a college student.

Carl

Buy one. People who go to college are rich.

Wendy

I'm not.

Carl

Then go call us a cab And go get us some nuggets.

I got money. My mom said I could buy whatever I want from the camp store. I want chicken nuggets.

Wendy

There's no nuggets at the camp store.

Hanley

We're dying of cancer. Serial killers on death row get lobster for their final meal.

Carl

Any one of these next meals could be our last. We can't even get some chicken nuggets? We have cancer. Go get us some nuggets now! [Starts chanting] Nuggets... :[All the campers join in chanting and pounding on table]

Carl

This is where they lock up the pain pills. We need a bolt cutter.

Hanley

No, we don't. Let's just use your swiss army knife and unscrew the bolts.

Wendy

What are you kids doing in here?!

Hanley

We were gonna steal the drugs and sell them.

Carl

Really? You need to work on your lying.

Wendy

What do you need money for?!

We want to pay a woman--

Carl

Shut up. This is a camp that's supposed to fulfill wishes, but all you do is say "no."

Wendy

[Sighs] Kids, I came to work here to do my part in diminishing the burden of your illness. I know you've been disappointed with some of the restrictions put on you here. I wish I had the power to change that.

Carl

You may have more power than you think.

Wendy

[Appears to Carl, Hanley and a girl] I'm only doing this for Hanley.

Carl

I have cancer too.

Me too.

Hanley

You're the best friend I've ever had.

Carl

Now how about the lower half?

Wendy

Not happening, pal.

Wendy? Wow. Exactly how I imagined them to be. [Wendy covers breasts in embarrassment and flees]