Tommy! Hey, you still got that garage?
Yeah, it kinda comes with the house, Frank.
Great. What say you let me sleep there?
Because the last time you stayed at my place, you shit in my kitchen sink.
The layout of your home is very confusing.
No, Frank. No means no. [Holds up middle finger]
Fuck you, Tommy. Fuck you means fuck you.
You can't stay with me, Frank.
Wh--what if I suck your dick?
Frank. What if you immigrate to Mexico, Frank? Reverse the prevailing tide.
Why are you even here? Should be collecting disability. 'cause I didn't injure my foot at work. Hey, let me crash at your place. I'll tell the insurance company that you did.
KKaty
Why can't you stay at your place, Frank?
Ungrateful little shits! That's why. Things I do for them. Blood, sweat, and tears. [Phone rings at bar] This is not how a family treats each other.
KKaty
[Answers phone] Yeah. Hang on. [Hands phone to Kevin] It's for you. V.
Hey, baby, what's going on? What? No, yeah, okay. Okay, I'll be right there. Watch the bar. [Walks away]
Little redheaded bitch is the worst of 'em. Expect it from the others, but not from- not from- from... Her- Debbie. Orphan Annie turned on me. That's how I got all these bruises. She hit me. With a bat. Now, I can't touch her. No. That is child abuse. I'd get reported. [Has an epiphany and makes call hiding behind coffee maker] Operator, can you connect me with child welfare ser- services? Yes, hello. I would like to report, uh... a- a negligence situation. 2119 North Wallace. Gallagher. Six kids living in squalor. No parental supervision. When the father is there, he's drunk. He hits them. Not--n-not that they don't deserve it. They're all criminals, delinquents, vio- what? No, if it's all right, I would like to remain anonymous. No, thank you. And God bless you.
KKaty
[Listening nearby] That is an all-time low. Even for you, Frank.
You don't have to want it. Doing things you don't want to do is how you make a relationship work.
I can't, Frank. I'm sorry. Sex toys are a gateway choice.
Toys can be mind-expanding.
I just got my one-year chip from sex addicts anonymous. Part of my recovery's to make certain that I only have loving, committed sex. No battery-powered aids allowed.
She just wants to kick it up a notch. Make her happy.
The key to my continued happiness is to have loving sex infrequently.
KKaty
I've mastered the infrequent part.
This isn't about your happiness. It's about Sheila's.
I finally got my life back under control. If I kick it up a notch, there's no stopping me. It's an addiction.
Oh, would you stop bragging? We're all sex addicts, man.
What, thinking about it? Yeah. More.
No, the act. Arousal and release. Before I got into SA, I was having sex 10, 12 times a day.
Never receiving. I was destroying.
That's what I used to call it; "destroying pussy."
KKaty
You all make coming to work such a delight. [She walks away]
10, 12 times a day? The same woman?
Never. That's the thing about the internet. Once you announce your depravity, there's plenty of other depravers seeking company. I mean, if you put it out there, you can find a ton of willing participants who want to be humiliated having sex.
I got to re-up my AOL account.
One week, I had 32 different partners. Didn't cost me a dime. Toys, contraptions, Restraints. You know, you start messing around, you think you're under control, but eventually you abuse your arousal center, needing stranger and stranger shit to flip your switch. I mean, I started to look at sex like a fight, and my weapon was my cock. I knew I really had a problem when I couldn't get hard unless I was slapping it in the face of a woman who was pretending she was crying.
I underestimated you, Jody. In a bar full of depraved people, you are the grand poobah of depravity.
Was. Won't be again. What do I owe you for the Ginger Ale, Kev?
[Jimmy is at The Alibi]
KKaty
I don't care if it's your 44th. We don't do buybacks.
Hey, news flash, princess. So is 150% of the patronage here.
KKaty
Welcome back. How was your vacay?
Oh, I went surfing, got hit by a jet ski, Saw a dolphin masturbate.
Well, my finger's broken, my parents are divorced, And my dad's a fairy, so--
KKaty
A fairy? Hello, 1983. Did you get my co2 tanks?
KKaty
Hey, can you make it quick? I gotta get out of here.
Hey. You know, not for nothin', but, uh, no one likes to hear a grown man whine. It's like the verbal equivalent of a dude wearing uggs.
Yeah, well, I appreciate the sympathy, thanks.
Get over it. Fiona doesn't have room for it. She's busting her ass just to keep food on the table.
[Walks in] Good denizens of Cook County, I have a proposition. [Patrons murmurs] Do you remember- Do you remember the holdup of that jewelry store on South Ashland in '92?
PPatron
Oh, yeah, sure. Bastards cleaned out these poor spics of every piece of crap that they had.
That was my mother. She did the heist. And I think she buried the crap in my backyard.
PPatron
How do you know that?
Well, she stashed it somewhere and then she forgot where. So the other day I was planting some basil. I've recently gotten back into gardening. And I found this.
PPatron
Shit, is that gold?!
Could be. Pretty dirty, gotta get it appraised. The point being, this is only the tip of the golden iceberg. Now I can't dig it all up by myself. So I will give a sizeable cut to anyone who helps me unearth it. So who's with me? [Patrons sparsely chuckles]
There you go. Bravo, soldiers. Onward, onward. Let's go. Let's do it. That's the spirit. This is what made America great.
Shameless · 903 quotes
