RRandy
Sleep well, my love. Sleep better than well, my peach.
FrankDo you drink, Randy?
RRandy
From time to time, sure.
Frank
Must be tough being her self-appointed caretaker all the time, huh?
RRandy
Sometimes, but it defines my life.
Frank
"Defines my life"?
Frank
Say some more about that.
RRandy
[Chuckles softly] I live next to her, work next to her, protect her.
Frank
I mean...that's a lot.
RRandy
Thank you. But love is love.
Frank
Love is love, yes. You think Ingrid wants you to live your life the way you are, entirely about her?
Frank
Mm.
RRandy
But what can I do?
Frank
What can you do? [Laughs] And yet you know what I see when I look at you, Ran? I see a strong, bold, beautiful man who needs a break.
Frank
You're not meant to be cooped up, dispensing drugs all day. You need some you time.
RRandy
[Scoffs] Ingrid needs me.
Frank
Don't worry about her for a second. What do you want, Randy?
Frank
What does Randy want?
RRandy
I want to see Mount Fuji, Frank. I do.
Frank
Then you get your goddamn phone right now and book a flight. You earned it.
Frank
Don't you think Ingrid wants you to live your life?
RRandy
Yeah. [Sighs] Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You're right. [Laughs] God, you're right. I'm gonna see Mount Fuji.
Frank
I know. [Laughs]
Frank
Hey, hey, hey. Don't thank me. Thank yourself. We did some good work here today- some real breakthroughs.
Frank
Here's the thing. That material, as you call it, is subpar. It's from the '70s. It's on videotape, for Christ's sake. The women have pubic hair. I feel like I'm watching my parents have sex. It actually made me sad. So needless to say, my cup is empty, as is my desire. Do you have anything else? Something... from the early '90s? Some Nina Hartley? Racquel Darrian, perhaps?
Frank
What about crazy? You got any videos of crazy people having sex?
DDawn
No, sir. That's all we have.
Frank
Okay. Work with me here. What about my girlfriend? Could I bring Ingrid in to help me bust a-a collection?
DDawn
That would be fine, but you both need to thoroughly, thoroughly wash and rinse your hands. And saliva and/or lubricant are prohibited, as they will pollute the sample.
Frank
Fine. Thank you, Dawn. I'm off to Spunkytown.
Frank
Hey, could I talk to you upstairs? I'll be right back.
All right, what do you want, Frank?
Frank
Kelly seems nice. A little sad.
Yeah, well, she's not sad.
Frank
No, no, no, no, no, no. I recognize that vacant stare. I've known a lot of women, Carl. And that woman is not getting what she wants in bed.
Frank
You know what it is. She wants sex. Ten times a day. Not fucking snack time. Act like a Gallagher, for the love of God.
Okay, I can have sex anytime, anywhere.
Frank
Oh, bullshit. I got 20 bucks that says you can't go in that bathroom...
Frank
Holy crap. Well, 20 of it says you can't go in that bathroom right now and rub one out in under three minutes. I'm trying to help you. If that woman downstairs yells, "Jump," you better answer, "How hard?"
Frank
No. The bet's 20. No, wait. Fine. Fine. Fine. Okay. Fine. It's all right. Jesus Christ. A hundred.
[Frank hands him cup] What the fuck is that?
Frank
I gotta have proof. You want me to come in there with you and watch? Under three minutes. No lube, no saliva.
Frank
Hey, Carl. Remember the time we walked in on Aunt Ginger and saw her tits?
Hey, Frank. Shut the fuck up.
Frank
Were they something? Been watching this thing on the, uh, nature channel about hippopotamuses, their balls... All right, all right. That's just cheating. Their dicks are about two feet long. Sorta pink. Slimy pink things. Big bulbous head on it.
[Debbie walks into kitchen]
Nothing but junk mail. Rat shit in the attic. Fires in the dryer vent. These ads are terrifying. Carbon monoxide leaks from the furnace? Fiona always handled this shit. Should I be worried about these things?
[Pours herself cereal] Ah, homeowner stuff. Sucks to be an adult. [Pours out all milk and Liam stares at her] What? I'm eating for seven now.
Well, then all seven of you are gonna need to cough up cash if you're gonna be living here.
All right. I'm gonna do some therapy sessions on the phone this afternoon. I'll write you a check later.
...
Frank
[Comes in side door] Good morning, family one. Family two.
Why do you look like a farm animal?
Your father is gonna be the new Hobo Loco beverage spokesperson.
Frank
Now, I haven't won the competition yet, Ingy.
Frank
It's a delicious alcoholic beverage. They're looking for someone with no purpose in life. I finally found my calling. Soon I'll be able to support those I love. Oh, yeah. Wish me luck.
Oh, you go get 'em, my Hobo Loco tiger.
Frank
Good-bye, little Frank-ettes.
SGSorority girls
They cut the line!
AAmber
And that's exactly the kind of spunk we're looking for!
Frank
Do you hear that, Phi Piggie Piggie?! That's what they're looking for!
Get your spunk-less ass out of here!
Frank
You should learn!
AAmber
Hey, fellas. I just... I just need you to sign in right here.
Frank
Oh, right away. Done.
AAmber
Again, yeah. Great.
AAmber
Okay, next, I'm gonna need to test your baseline blood alcohol content. Right this way.
Frank
What are you on my ass for?! Find your own bedding! This is my spot!
I thought we could make a pact! Either one of us wins, we split the spokesman money, 50/50.
Frank
You trying to hone in on my dough?
Or am I trying to give you half of mine, hmm?
Frank
[Scoffs] You're a crafty dude, Mikey O. I'm a lone wolf. Go!
Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
Frank
Go! [Spots truck full of construction materials] Jackpot. [Climbs into truck and grabs two rolls of insulation]
Hey, yo! What are you doing in that truck?! Get out of there! Hey!
Frank
I- I'm, uh...
[Frank leaps from truck and gives chase] Get back here! Where the fuck do you think you're going?! [Mikey swings a bar into Frank's face knocking him down] That's what you get! Serves you right, asshole! Yeah, you better keep running!
Frank
Good morning, peaches and cream, number one girl. How's my six embryos today?
You mean George, Gordy, Glenn, Gladys, Gina, and Gabby Gallagher? We're pissed, Frank. We're pregnant and we're lonely and we're tired of hiding from Dr. Kwan in this dark rat cave basement.
Frank
The final's today.
I want you home now. I want you home now. I want you the fuck home now. Right now.
Frank
Well, yeah, sure, you... you want that, honey.
This is for the future of our children.
Frank
You can't ask me to quit now. You can't ask LeBron James not to play in the playoffs. I'll be home tonight, a winner, 50... [Ingrid hangs up in spite]
Frank
Ingy?
Things a tad stressful with the little lady, Frank? Might be time to wash up and head home.
Frank
Nah. She was just calling to remind me to be humble when I win.
I don't know. That sounded a lot like a woman wanting you to quit.
Frank
Probably should. I've quit many things in my life, Mikey... School, jobs, marriages, rehab several times. I am not quitting this. I am the Hobo Loco Mofo.
DDax
All right, for the semifinals, we have a challenge that is gonna separate the truly loco from the mildly loco. We call it... The South Side Emergency Room Challenge!
DDax
County General is two blocks away on Ellis and boasts the longest emergency room waiting time in all Chicago: - hours. [Bystanders all gasps] Your challenge, in one hour or less, is to get seen by an ER doctor.
Frank
You ever gotten through in less than an hour?
No, not possible. It's gonna take gushing blood. Amputation. Grand mal seizure.
Frank
Aw.
DDax
Can I get one hour on the clock, please? Oh... All right. And... Go!
100 days he was sober, Fiona.
Jason from the shop. I'm his sponsor. You just got my sponsee fucking drunk.
He didn't say he was your--.
[Yelling] 100 DAYS HE WAS SOBER!
And that's sad. I'm sorry for him. But it's not my fault. I didn't know.
No, nothing's your fault anymore, huh?
You weren't there. You don't know.
I know someone waved vodka in his face. I know when he left you, he called his dealer, and he shot up heroin.
Oh. I'm sorry. Look, I didn't know.
No, you didn't care enough to know.
[Carl, Debbie and Kelly appear confused]
Listen to me. I want you out of this fucking house. [Fiona snickers and smiles at Lip]
Frank
What'd I miss? Ooh, candy corn.
Frank
[Professor opens door to Frank] Professor.
PProfessor
[Leading Frank to basement of stockpiled of food and supplies] I have a generator.
Frank
Of course you do. Wow.
PProfessor
No one in this neighborhood... EVER... plans ahead.
Frank
The future is scary, Professor. It's easier not to think about-
PProfessor
Unless there's money to be made. [Frank points at him in agreement]
Frank
Morning, Sweathogs. Blackout, we got a blackout.
No shit, Frank. That's why we're all sitting here in the dark.
Frank
Is the beer still cold?
Frank
Sounds great. I'll take one. What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
Frank
Well, congratulations. You apply for unemployment yet? My advice is, do it in person. If you do it online, they'll pretend they never got the application.
Frank
Well, welcome to the ranks of the unemployed.
Yeah, I'm fine with it. I mean, fuck them. Being broke sucks, though.
Frank
Ah, you get used to it. You just gotta be creative.
Frank
[Laughs] That's funny. You know, life is not all sunshine and rainbows for me either, kiddo. Ingrid left me. Took all my children with her. I'm still here. My unborn children. I don't think I'll ever get over it. V, a shit of Jame-o, please.
[Lumbering past them] Oh, my God, ow.
Frank
What's his problem?
[Makes cutting gesture] Vasectomy.
Frank
Smart.
[Reading from phone] A substation blew up. Gonna be at least another hours before the power's back up.
What? God damn it. Oh, we're screwed.
Frank
[To Fiona] If you need a little walking-around money, you should hang out with me today.
Frank
Because of a little something I like to call "monetizing my neighbors' lack of foresight."
You mean rippin' people off.
Frank
Completely legit. No one prepares for blackouts around here, so they rush to the store for ice or batteries or what have you. Too late, everything's sold out. Panic ensues, and where there's panic, there's money to be made. That's where I come in. Frank's Blackout Supply has everything you need.
Frank
Really? How's the view from up there, Miss High and Mighty? Last time I checked, we were in the same freakin' bar drinking warm beer together.
Fair point. Do I charge a little more?
Frank
Yes. Double. The peace of mind of a candle or fresh batteries, priceless. So you in or out?
Frank
Aw, come on. I could use a pretty face. It legitimizes the whole thing.
Frank
After I recoup my cost, 20 percent.
Frank
Jesus Ch... Who's gouging now?
Frank
Fifty percent, final offer.
No one's gonna buy anything from you, Frank. You're Frank.
Frank
Deal, 50. [They shake hands]
Gallagher Blackout Supply.
[Frank is sleeping in the abandoned apartment building of Fiona's when a wrecking ball bursts through and Frank flees the premises]
What the fuck were you doing in there?! You crazy?!
Frank
I was just... I just... calm...
Get the hell out of here! You trying to get yourself killed?! [Frank runs out to street and is nearly hit by a vehicle and falls onto metal fence frames] Are you all right, man?!
Frank
Yeah.
Are you sure? You went down hard. Joey, you better call an ambulance.
Frank
No, no. No... [Laughs] No ambulance. I'm fine.
Frank
Yeah. I'm right as rain. [Walks away]
TMr. Tamietti
Uh, hi, Mr. Tamietti. You and I need to talk, son.
TMr. Tamietti
Tami's having this baby, and I need to know what your plan is.
Uh, she's... she's keeping the baby? I mean, she seemed undecided the last that we, uh...
TMr. Tamietti
Oh, yeah. She's keeping the baby. That's not open for discussion.
No, no, sir. I just mean, um, last time we talked, she- she seemed unclear about what she wanted to do.
TMr. Tamietti
Oh, it's clear. She's having the baby.
[Debbie, Carl and Kelly burst in front door carrying Frank]
Good God. Almost there. A little help here!
Frank
Okay, okay, okay. Put me down. Put me down, no more. Down there!
Is that bone? What the fuck?! Why didn't you call an ambulance?
Mollies... A few personal items... And acid.
Is that why you didn't want to call an ambulance?
TMr. Tamietti
Uh, who the hell is that?
TMr. Tamietti
Why doesn't he want an ambulance?
Because the paramedics would've emptied his pockets, found the drugs, and called the cops.
Uh, you know, Mr. Tamietti, why don't we go get a cup of coffee or something, yeah? [Leads Mr. Tamietti away]
Frank
I had an opportunity to invest some of my Ingrid severance money, and I took it.
If you're done hiding your stash, can I call 911?
Frank
Not until my associates come and we complete our transaction.
QQuincy
Open femur fracture. Definitely going to need surgery.
Frank
I'm in a lot of pain here. Could I get of morphine?
QQuincy
No can do, Frank.
Frank
Lidoc... is that lidocaine?
Frank
Ah, come on, guys! You got any fentanyl in there? That'd take the edge off.
QQuincy
Can give you a bite block to chomp down on if you like.
Frank
A bite block? [Laughs] What are you, the Marquis de Sade?
QQuincy
Best I can do after last time.
Frank
I did not steal drugs from your ambulance.
QQuincy
I saw you take it, Frank. Are you sure you don't want that bite block? This might sting.
Frank
Fuck you, Quincy.
[Frank grunts, yells and cries]
QQuincy
Personally, I would've taken the bite block. You want to ride with him again?
How long's the wait at County this morning?
QQuincy
Pro hockey season's shorter.
Shameless · 903 quotes
