SGSorority girls
They cut the line!
AAmber
And that's exactly the kind of spunk we're looking for!
Do you hear that, Phi Piggie Piggie?! That's what they're looking for!
MikeyGet your spunk-less ass out of here!
AAmber
Hey, fellas. I just... I just need you to sign in right here.
AAmber
Again, yeah. Great.
Mikey
Mm-hmm.
AAmber
Okay, next, I'm gonna need to test your baseline blood alcohol content. Right this way.
What are you on my ass for?! Find your own bedding! This is my spot!
Mikey
I thought we could make a pact! Either one of us wins, we split the spokesman money, 50/50.
You trying to hone in on my dough?
Mikey
Or am I trying to give you half of mine, hmm?
[Scoffs] You're a crafty dude, Mikey O. I'm a lone wolf. Go!
Mikey
Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
Go! [Spots truck full of construction materials] Jackpot. [Climbs into truck and grabs two rolls of insulation]
Hey, yo! What are you doing in that truck?! Get out of there! Hey!
[Frank leaps from truck and gives chase] Get back here! Where the fuck do you think you're going?! [Mikey swings a bar into Frank's face knocking him down] That's what you get! Serves you right, asshole! Yeah, you better keep running!
Good morning, peaches and cream, number one girl. How's my six embryos today?
You mean George, Gordy, Glenn, Gladys, Gina, and Gabby Gallagher? We're pissed, Frank. We're pregnant and we're lonely and we're tired of hiding from Dr. Kwan in this dark rat cave basement.
I want you home now. I want you home now. I want you the fuck home now. Right now.
Well, yeah, sure, you... you want that, honey.
This is for the future of our children.
You can't ask me to quit now. You can't ask LeBron James not to play in the playoffs. I'll be home tonight, a winner, 50... [Ingrid hangs up in spite]
Mikey
Things a tad stressful with the little lady, Frank? Might be time to wash up and head home.
Nah. She was just calling to remind me to be humble when I win.
Mikey
I don't know. That sounded a lot like a woman wanting you to quit.
Probably should. I've quit many things in my life, Mikey... School, jobs, marriages, rehab several times. I am not quitting this. I am the Hobo Loco Mofo.
DDax
All right, for the semifinals, we have a challenge that is gonna separate the truly loco from the mildly loco. We call it... The South Side Emergency Room Challenge!
DDax
County General is two blocks away on Ellis and boasts the longest emergency room waiting time in all Chicago: - hours. [Bystanders all gasps] Your challenge, in one hour or less, is to get seen by an ER doctor.
You ever gotten through in less than an hour?
Mikey
No, not possible. It's gonna take gushing blood. Amputation. Grand mal seizure.
DDax
Can I get one hour on the clock, please? Oh... All right. And... Go!
[Calls outside bedroom door waking Frank, Mikey and Carl] Asses up if you want coffee!
[Groans] You start bonin' dudes while I was away at school?
Mikey
Occasionally, if the mood strikes.
Can't two grown men share a bed together without it being sеxual?
No. [Answers phone] Go for Carl. Yeah, yeah, it's still available. All right. I'll send you the address.
Stinky, dirty, wet! [Dumps laundry on floor] Wash your own shit! You both owe me rent money.
Thirty-seven bucks a night, plus five if you'll be showering.
I'm selling my military gear to get some cash.
Electricity, gas, and water for the month is 48 bucks. Let me know if you'll be eating here. I have various meal plans available.
Mikey
You don't need to pay rent, Frank. You're the patriarch of this family.
I'm keeping the coffee warm for ten minutes. Then I'm dumping it.
Mikey
[Scoffs] Little Red Riding twɑt needs to understand who's boss around here.
Mikey
[Softly] Yes, you.
[In bath] Only thing left in these Oxy bottles is dust.
You have a toothbrush I can use, Frank?
They're communal. Just grab one.
The fսck is that? How 'bout we head over to that Russian bakery and snag some of those muffin samples for breakfast, huh?
No can do, partner. We gotta hit the streets, do some work.
You heard Debbie. Rent money.
Mikey
You're not seriously gonna do what she told you to do, are you?
That girl's got a serious dose of her mother's crazy DNA. We come home with empty pockets, she may cut our tіts off.
[Walking out of bank] Debbie used my real Social Securitymy real Social Security]] on a bank account?! Have I taught her nothing?!
Mikey
Don't be so hard on yourself, Frank. Look, we've all had accounts frozen by the IRS.
What was she thinking?! I haven't used my real Social since draft-dodging in '69.
Mikey
[Starts inserting bank card into ATM] Well, you can lead a horse to water, but if the camel's an idiot...
What are you doing? No, don't- don't- don't- don't- do-!
Mikey
[Groans] I figured I'd give it a shot! It ate the card!
[Ranting into ATM camera] God dammit! You think this is funny, don't you, you little robot nerd in there! [Starts kicking ATM] You and your big bank Big Brother and paving the way for automation! This is horse shit!
[Holds up KFC bucket of cash to Frank sleeping on family room floor with Mikey on the couch] My pinto, Papa.
That's our money, Debbie.
It was your money until you and La Cucaracha over here stole all my shit. Now it belongs to me, along with anything else you receive for the rest of your silly, little life.
And I'm taking the rest of the cash Fiona left into buying a car, something tangible you guys can't squander.
I can see you're emotional. Let's just- I am as cool as a mοtherfսcking cucumber. Thank you for your contribution.
[Coughs] What the hell? You- you got dialysis.
Mikey
I'm not 100 percent, Frank. [Frank puts hand on Mikey's forhead] I dreamed about my death last night.
Mikey
Infected port. My father was there. He was shaking his head. He was disappointed. I let him down.
Mikey
What more could he possibly want from a son? So many things. He worked like a dog, my dad. He had a little shoe repair shop. He'd make keys. His dying wish was that I'd become... a real businessman.
[Stammers] You wan- you wanna be a businessman? Let's make you a businessman. Rise and shine, my pal.
Mikey
I- I can't.
You can't? You think Lee Iacocca ever said "I can't"?
Mikey
Yeah. Didn't he die?
[Laughs] I rest my case. Come on. [Starts pulling Mikey off couch] Okay, good.
Mikey
Oh, shit.
Frank': One more.
Mikey
Oh! [Grunts] Fսck 'em.
Mikey
I'm dizzy.
Mikey
I'm dizzy, Frank.
Mikey
Get my back.
[In a city park of downtown financial district] Well, here we are.
Mikey
What does this have to do with being a businessman?
If you're gonna go into business, the first thing you're gonna need is capital. Wait. Today is your lucky day. Me and my friend here, we're the wish granters. So, if you really want your wish to come true, you're gonna wanna give that coin to me. But only if you want the wish to come true.
Mikey
Really?
Absolutely. That's why we're here. Scrape up all the coins in the fountain so we can make all the wishes come true. What do you wish for?
Mikey
My dog Steve ran away. I wish he'd come home.
Well, put food in his bowl, 'cause Steve will be home before you know it.
Mikey
Thank you!
Mikey
Nah, I don't believe in stuff like that.
Make a wish. What can it hurt? Plus, we're just gonna wade in and get it. [Plops in coin] You wish you were a businessman?
Mikey
Yeah.
Too bad. You should have wished for a new port. Oh, well. See those guys over there? These squares. Expense account, healthcare. Look at that breakfast burrito, size of a baby. [Chuckles] Those guys are suckers.
Mikey
I wanted to be like them. I went to college and everything, job...
No, shit?! You went to college?! Me too. Northwestern. Malcolm X. Good school. Community college, but... What happened?
Mikey
I told you what happened. I bought a Blockbuster video store with my pop, lost everything, the muffler shop, the car, the house. My father committed suicide.
Shit. That sounds... depressing. But today's a new day. You wanna be a businessman? You gotta think like a businessman.
Mikey
I have no idea what that means.
It means we're gonna need some new threads.
Mikey
Ooh.
Shameless · 903 quotes
