I hate being a witch! I just turned the most popular girl in school into a pineapple!
Because it’s the only thing you taught me how to do!
Relax, I can fix this. [takes the pineapple and grabs a knife] Chunks or rings?
Hilda, there are other ways.
Sabrina doesn’t know how to seal her spells yet, so... [Hilda reluctantly puts down the knife and stands back] "The popular girl is not a fruit." [the pineapple morphs back into Libby] There, all better.
LibbyWhat am I doing in your house?
[unconvincingly] You... came over for a visit.
Libby
Ha, I would not! You did something to me, you sent me somewhere - It was small and it smelled like Hawaii!
[apologetic] Look, Libby, I’m sorry, I didn’t-
Libby
Oh, not as sorry as you will be! You’re an even bigger freak than I thought, and the whole school’s going to know about it! [runs away]
See? My way, she’d be on a tooth-pick.
It’s over! My life is over! I mean, it’s not just over, it’s over, over!
Oh stop, Libby can’t hurt you. She’s just one person with a crazy story.
She’s a cheerleader - nobody has more credibility! I mean, the only way to make this better is to turn back time, and you said a witch can’t do that!
A witch can’t, but collectively we do have powers that a single witch doesn’t. It’s a union thing.
[hopeful] So, it’s possible?
You can appeal to the Witches Council, but they only grant time reversal in extreme cases.
Like for two months, a bunny ruled all of England.
[Libby and C.C. come down the hallway]
Libby
Hi Jenny, hi Sabrina.
[They walk on giggling together]
Hey, is there something funny about our names?
Libby
Not Jenny’s.
You know, why don’t you guys just leave us alone? We’re not bothering you.
Libby
You’re still breathing, aren’t you, freak? [To Jenny] Double freak!
[Libby and C.C walk away, laughing]
[To Jenny] We can’t let her get to us, [slams her locker shut in frustration] it’s what she wants. I just wish I knew what she was saying...
Well, what difference does it make? Everything Libby says is a lie.
Hey, maybe we can retaliate by spreading lies about her.
What can we say? That she’s actually nice and sweet?
Not much revenge in that...
No. Face it, the world’d be a much better place if everyone told the truth - but you can’t stop someone from lying.
[Jenny walks away, leaving Sabrina looking thoughtful]
Do you want to try a piece of our cake?
Libby
Like I’d taste anything you gave me. What’s in it, poison?
No, just chocolate. [waves it under Libby’s nose] Lots of chocolate.
Libby
[smiling slightly] Really?
Libby
Oh, all right. [takes the plate] But I’m not going to start being nice to you.
That’s okay... [Libby takes a bite of the cake] I just want to ask you one question: Libby, what have you been saying about Jenny and me behind our backs?
Libby
Like I’d tell you! [swallows cake, and sprinkles' magic kicks in] Okay, here’s what I was saying: I was saying that her father’s in jail and that she cheats on taxes, and then I threw in that you had a nose job.
Libby
You don’t have to tell me!
[Jill and C.C. approach]
Libby
I was just telling Sabrina all the rumours we’ve been spreading about her.
JJill
Why? She’s not in the loop!
Libby
So? [to Sabrina] And by the way, it was Jill who made up the nose job story. Which is actually very funny, because er, she’s the one who... [taps her nose meaningfully]
JJill
[gasps] You swore you’d never tell!
Libby
...And C.C., she kisses her Pete Sampras poster every night...
It looks like I’m going to the dance.
Me! Dates are just society's way of keeping numbers even, I’m going to represent all things that are odd.
And I’m sure that’s exactly how people will see it.
Do you wanna come with me? We could go alone together.
No thanks. You know I was thinking it might be kinda fun to go with Harvey.
Oh, I can’t! I don’t wanna complicate our friendship.
Oh, I don’t mind if he complicates our friendship...
[Jenny stands up and waves Harvey over]
[walking over] Thanks for waving; I might not have spotted you at the same table where we always sit.
So, do you have plans for the dance tomorrow night? [pretends to look at a watch] Oops, gotta run! [grabs her tray and leaves the table]
[to Sabrina] Man, I’ve never seen her move so fast...
Er, so you were saying about the dance?
Harvey: Oh, I probably won’t go. School dances aren’t my thing. What about you?
Oh, I haven’t made any plans. Y’know, yet.
[Libby walks up with an inflated balloon]
Libby
Hi, Harvey. Can I borrow a finger?
[Harvey holds out his finger while Libby ties off the balloon]
[annoyed] Excuse me, we were talking? Other people have fingers too, you know.
Libby
Yes, but Harvey works out. And by the way, Harvey, I was thinking you and I could go to the dance together, okay?
[Sabrina stares in disbelief]
Libby
Great! Thanks for helping! [walks off, flashing Sabrina a smug look]
[to Harvey] "Okay"‽ I thought you said school dances weren’t your thing‽
...They’re not. I panicked. I have a hard time saying "no". I really should work on that... [to himself] No...
Libby
[sees Sabrina dancing with Chad] Oh my god... Who's that guy Sabrina’s with?
[dances over, smug] His name's Chad Cory Dillan; and yes, that’s his motorcycle outside. [dances away laughing]
SSasha
Well, I guess Sabrina wins.
Libby
Ha! I don’t think so. Come on Harvey, let’s hit the floor!
[grabs her arm] Actually, Libby, I don’t dance.
Libby
Excuse me? This is a dance, guess what we do here?
Well you see for me, dance is sort of a metaphor.
Libby
For what?
...I don’t know, something else?
[Sabrina enters Science Club]
Hey, I brought my rock tumbler.
[the club members all turn to stare at her]
Libby
[coldly] May we help you?
[confused] What are you doing here?
Libby
I’m the new president. And by the way, membership is closed - Science Club is now limited to six people.
SSherman
That’s how many can fit in the Space Shuttle.
You can’t do that! Where’s Mr. Pool?
Libby
I sent him for Tang and Fig Newtons. Besides, you don’t belong here. You’re not a total geek, is she guys?
SCThe Science Club
No, she’s not.
HHoward
Yeah, you never sat with us at lunch.
SSherman
And what’s you're eyesight, 20-20?
[they all laugh]
Well, stab me in the back with a protractor, why don’t you? I can’t believe you guys are siding with Libby! She used to make fun of you all the time!
SSherman
Yeah, but now she’s our leader!
[under his breath] She’s not my leader.
Libby
What did you say, Gordie?
I said... you’re not my leader... you, you’re pushy and bossy... [hides behind Sabrina] ...And if Sabrina goes, I go.
[Scene cuts to the hallway as Gordie and Sabrina run away]
That was very brave of you, Gordie!
Are you kidding? I’d love to meet the Violent Femmes! When? Where?
Well, they’ll be signing CD’s at Music City in Boston tonight at midnight.
Midnight! That’s perfect. I have no conflicting plans. But I still have to ask my aunts.
Just tell them what I told my parents. It’s an astrology field trip.
Don’t you mean astronomy?
Wow, they’re paying even less attention than I thought...
This’ll be so much fun. You, me and the Violent Femmes.
Libby
[turing around from the next table] You’re going to see the Violent Femmes?
Libby
You have to let me come with you. [moves to sit down by Sabrina] I will do anything to meet Gordon Gano. You know I hate this word but... Please? The more the merrier.
[after Harvey gives her a look] All right, you can come.
Libby
Thanks! This is so great. I love the Violent Femmes!
[overhearing their conversation] You’re going to see the Violent Femmes? Can I come too? [he sits at their table beside Harvey]
Libby
No! Jeez Gordie, you can’t just invite yourself along!
I thought you just said ‘The more the merrier’?
Libby
Twist my words, why don’t you.
Look, it’s my car, and I say any Femmes fan is welcome. So, Gordie, you’re in.
Libby
[annoyed] Shotgun.
Libby
Hi Harvey.
Hey Libby, got any plans for the holidays?
Libby
Like it matters; I hate Christmas.
What’s your take on Kwanzaa?
Libby
I usually like all the presents, but this year I have to be around my bratty step-brother, Russell.
[surprised] Really? Your family has a brat in it?
Libby
Colours with my lipstick, drips chocolate on my stuff and he can cry on cue... [notices Sabrina] What’s your problem, Freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year? [walks off]
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch · 191 quotes
