Harvey Kinkle quotes from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Harvey

I'm gonna leave you on the dance floor looking like a fool!

Harvey

Can I sit here?

Sabrina

Sure.

Harvey

[eases into his seat] How’s your head?

Sabrina

Um, it kinda hurts.

Harvey

Sorry, y’know, I didn’t mean to hit you with the football...

Sabrina

Oh, that was you? [Harvey nods] You have a really good arm.

Harvey

[smiles] Thanks.

Sabrina

[gestures to Jenny] Do you know Jenny?

Harvey

You live in the house with the funny mailbox, right?

Jenny

Oh, it’s not our fault; The people who lived there before us were actually named Mr. and Mrs. Hog.

Harvey

No, it’s cute! My mailbox is boring, it’s really just a place to put letters...

Sabrina

Mine too!

Harvey

You know, the only reason I took Home Ec. was so I could eat during class; Coach says I’ve still got to bulk up, and carbo-loading can get pretty lonely...

Sabrina

Well, we’ll keep you company any time you have to eat.

Jenny

Yeah, we’re good at that.

Harvey

Hey, I’m going to the pizza place tomorrow night to force down eight slices, do you guys wanna watch?

Sabrina

Sure, cool!

Jenny

Cool!

Harvey

Cool!

Libby

Harvey, you would not believe what I just heard. [without waiting for an answer] Okay, I’ll tell you: That’s not Sabrina’s real nose!

Harvey

It’s not?

Libby

Don’t you get it? She had surgery.

Harvey

Why? What’s wrong?

Libby

[rolls her eyes] Never mind.

Jenny

So this is nice, just the two of us.

Harvey

Yeah, no Sabrina. It’s great.

Jenny

It is?

Harvey

Sure, now we can order onions. Sabrina hates onions.

Sabrina

I lied to you when I said I didn’t mind Harvey and you coming here alone. I do mind and I know you guys might be soul mates but...

Jenny

We’re not soul mates.

Sabrina

You're not?

Jenny

No. I mean, Harvey's really cute and he’s really nice, but you can’t build a life on that.

Sabrina

I’d be willing to give it a shot.

Harvey

[calling over] Are you guys talking about me?

Yes.

Harvey

Come talk about me over here.

Harvey

[about the house Sabrina's babysitting at] You should have just said "it’s the house with the flying duck on the mailbox".

Sabrina

You really notice mailboxes, don’t you?

Sabrina

[holding several candy bars and soda cans] I’ve found all kinds of great stuff! It’s, uh, not brand name, but I’m sure it tastes fine. [puts them on the coffee table]

Harvey

[reading the wrappers] ‘Schnickers’? ‘N&N’s’? ‘Butterthumb’? Where do these people shop?

Sabrina

I don’t know, but if you're thirsty, there’s ‘Popsi’.

Harvey

Do they have ‘Yoo-hoo’?

Sabrina

No, but they have ‘Hey, Over Here’.

Harvey

I think I’ll just have a diet Popsi.

Harvey

My parents are making me have an Halloween party.

Sabrina

Bummer. Next thing you know, they’ll make you go on a ski trip.

Harvey

No, see, my Dad always buys in bulk at these discount clubs, and we got a lot of snack food that expires in November.

Sabrina

Oh, so that’s why it says "all food must be eaten by midnight"...

Harvey

I’m thinking about going as James Dean.

Sabrina

I love James Dean!

Harvey

Yeah, and all I need is a white T-shirt, some jeans and somethin’ to lean on... Anyway, I was hoping you could come early and help me set stuff up?

Sabrina

[disappointed] Oh, I can’t, I’ve got a family thing. My aunts take Halloween very seriously. I know it’s weird...

Harvey

No, no, my mom’s that way about Flag Day.

Jenny

It looks like I’m going to the dance.

Sabrina

[excited] Who with‽

Jenny

Me! Dates are just society's way of keeping numbers even, I’m going to represent all things that are odd.

Sabrina

And I’m sure that’s exactly how people will see it.

Jenny

Do you wanna come with me? We could go alone together.

Sabrina

No thanks. You know I was thinking it might be kinda fun to go with Harvey.

Jenny

Are you gonna ask him?

Sabrina

Oh, I can’t! I don’t wanna complicate our friendship.

Jenny

What if he asked you?

Sabrina

Oh, I don’t mind if he complicates our friendship...

Jenny

Hey, Harvey! Over here!

Harvey

[walking over] Thanks for waving; I might not have spotted you at the same table where we always sit.

Jenny

So, do you have plans for the dance tomorrow night? [pretends to look at a watch] Oops, gotta run! [grabs her tray and leaves the table]

Harvey

[to Sabrina] Man, I’ve never seen her move so fast...

Sabrina

Er, so you were saying about the dance?

Sabrina

Oh, I haven’t made any plans. Y’know, yet.

Libby

Hi, Harvey. Can I borrow a finger?

Harvey

Sure.

Sabrina

[annoyed] Excuse me, we were talking? Other people have fingers too, you know.

Libby

Yes, but Harvey works out. And by the way, Harvey, I was thinking you and I could go to the dance together, okay?

Harvey

[nervous] ...Okay.

Libby

Great! Thanks for helping! [walks off, flashing Sabrina a smug look]

Sabrina

[to Harvey] "Okay"‽ I thought you said school dances weren’t your thing‽

Harvey

...They’re not. I panicked. I have a hard time saying "no". I really should work on that... [to himself] No...

Libby

[sees Sabrina dancing with Chad] Oh my god... Who's that guy Sabrina’s with?

Jenny

[dances over, smug] His name's Chad Cory Dillan; and yes, that’s his motorcycle outside. [dances away laughing]

Well, I guess Sabrina wins.

Libby

Ha! I don’t think so. Come on Harvey, let’s hit the floor!

Harvey

[grabs her arm] Actually, Libby, I don’t dance.

Libby

Excuse me? This is a dance, guess what we do here?

Harvey

Well you see for me, dance is sort of a metaphor.

Libby

For what?

Harvey

...I don’t know, something else?

Sabrina

So where’s Libby?

Harvey

Bathroom, I guess. She’s mad at me ’cause I don’t dance.

Sabrina

Really? I would have thought you’d be good at that.

Harvey

[smiles slightly] Well, I’m okay when it’s just me rocking out in my room... [quickly] I mean, I don’t spin around the pole or anything, but... I get really self-conscious in front of other people.

Sabrina

[emphatically] We all do.

Harvey

[snorts] Not your date.

Sabrina

Oh, Chad’s kinda special.

Harvey

Wow, you really like him, don’t you?

Sabrina

No! I meant, like, different.

Harvey

Do you wanna head over to the Slicery and play a little foosball?

Sabrina

[enthusiastic] Yeah, I love foosball! [beat] Sorry, I've been hanging out with Chad too long... Well, I'll go tell him I'm leaving. [heads back into the school]

Harvey

I like you, Sabrina. [sighs] Why can’t I say it to her face?

Jenny

Hey Harvey, help us out: Sabrina’s got a problem.

Harvey

What’s up?

Sabrina

Well, I was thinking of joining the Science Club-

Harvey

Really? I didn’t know you were a geek.

Sabrina

I’m not. That’s the problem; I’m afraid everyone will think I am.

Harvey

Well. they will.

Jenny

I explained that we can’t change the whole system just for her.

Sabrina

Well, why does everyone have to be stuffed in a category? I mean, I don’t get it, look around: [points at various tables] The cheerleaders only eat with the cheerleaders, The geeks only eat with the geeks... I just don’t want to be labelled.

Harvey

You have no choice. You have a grace period as a new student, but pretty soon, you’re going to be stereotyped.

Sabrina

Well, what are you guys?

Harvey

Well, I’m a quasi-jock with semi-literary aspirations and a hint of denialism.

Sabrina

If only it was that simple for me. Jenny, what are you?

Jenny

I tried to be an outsider, but I didn’t really fit in. Now Libby calls me a freak, and I’m okay with that.

Sabrina

Well... why can’t I just be me?

Harvey

That’s a pretty small group.

Sabrina

...So then, Jenny’s dad landed on Park Place, and to pay the rent he had to borrow money from her little brother. It was super-funny.

Harvey

My family can’t play board games, not since the Pictionary incident. [Jenny and Sabrina look him questioningly] I still can’t talk about it...