Hey, it worked! I pulled a rabbit out of a hat!
RRabbit
Hey, put me back, my wife Renée is about to give birth!
Oh, sorry! [puts him back in the hat]
Relax, that happens a lot with rabbits.
“Bundt Friday” · Season 1
In this episode: Sabrina Spellman (9), Zelda Spellman (5), Jenny Kelley (5), Hilda Spellman (4), Harvey Kinkle (4), Libby Chessler (3), Salem Saberhagen the cat (1)
Every time he makes a date with Hilda, he breaks it.
He did that once or twice... or maybe a thousand times... but may I remind you that every time that Drell has canceled, he has always sent me a lovely token of his affection.
Yeah, he always sends a pot roast.
A pot roast?
Flowers wilt - say it with beef!
I think Libby and her friends are talking about us.
No, they’re not. Don’t be so paranoid Jenny.
Paranoid? They’re pointing at us and laughing.
Oh, you're right. Well, just ignore them... [beat] Are they still doing it?
You know, the only reason I took Home Ec. was so I could eat during class; Coach says I’ve still got to bulk up, and carbo-loading can get pretty lonely...
Well, we’ll keep you company any time you have to eat.
Yeah, we’re good at that.
Hey, I’m going to the pizza place tomorrow night to force down eight slices, do you guys wanna watch?
Sure, cool!
Cool!
Cool!
[Libby and C.C. come down the hallway]
Hi Jenny, hi Sabrina.
[They walk on giggling together]
Hey, is there something funny about our names?
Not Jenny’s.
You know, why don’t you guys just leave us alone? We’re not bothering you.
You’re still breathing, aren’t you, freak? [To Jenny] Double freak!
[Libby and C.C walk away, laughing]
[To Jenny] We can’t let her get to us, [slams her locker shut in frustration] it’s what she wants. I just wish I knew what she was saying...
Well, what difference does it make? Everything Libby says is a lie.
Hey, maybe we can retaliate by spreading lies about her.
What can we say? That she’s actually nice and sweet?
Not much revenge in that...
No. Face it, the world’d be a much better place if everyone told the truth - but you can’t stop someone from lying.
[Jenny walks away, leaving Sabrina looking thoughtful]
Hey Hilda, have you seen the Jiffy Truth?
Yeah, it’s in my bag. [goes over to it] I used it last week when I took my car in for repairs; It turns out I really did need new brake pads. [pulls out a box of sprinkles and hands it to Sabrina]
[reading box] "Jiffy Truth: one hundred percent refined truth, trace amounts of harsh reality. For best results, sprinkle on something sweet as the truth can be bitter."
It is great stuff, it makes you reveal your true feelings. Oh, which reminds me: Zelda, the postman has a crush on you.
[annoyed] That is not what the sprinkles are for! They should only be used in serious matters.
Well, this is serious; You remember Libby? Well, she’s been spreading lies about me and Jenny and... it’s really upsetting Jenny.
Well, give Libby some sprinkles, and if those don’t work... [pulls out a plastic aerosol bottle from her bag] ..try some Lady Bald Spot. You just spray it, and-
Hilda, that’s enough! Sabrina, you can take the sprinkles, but let me warn you: the truth can have painful side effects.
Like what?
Itching, chafing, hurt feelings.
Sounds like gym class.
Harvey, you would not believe what I just heard. [without waiting for an answer] Okay, I’ll tell you: That’s not Sabrina’s real nose!
It’s not?
Don’t you get it? She had surgery.
Why? What’s wrong?
[rolls her eyes] Never mind.
Do you want to try a piece of our cake?
Like I’d taste anything you gave me. What’s in it, poison?
No, just chocolate. [waves it under Libby’s nose] Lots of chocolate.
[smiling slightly] Really?
And sprinkles.
Oh, all right. [takes the plate] But I’m not going to start being nice to you.
That’s okay... [Libby takes a bite of the cake] I just want to ask you one question: Libby, what have you been saying about Jenny and me behind our backs?
Like I’d tell you! [swallows cake, and sprinkles' magic kicks in] Okay, here’s what I was saying: I was saying that her father’s in jail and that she cheats on taxes, and then I threw in that you had a nose job.
But those are all lies!
You don’t have to tell me!
[Jill and C.C. approach]
CCC.C.
What’s going on?
I was just telling Sabrina all the rumours we’ve been spreading about her.
JJill
Why? She’s not in the loop!
So? [to Sabrina] And by the way, it was Jill who made up the nose job story. Which is actually very funny, because er, she’s the one who... [taps her nose meaningfully]
JJill
[gasps] You swore you’d never tell!
...And C.C., she kisses her Pete Sampras poster every night...
CCC.C.
You snitch!
GCGuidance Counselor
Let me give you the truth, Ricky. You kids come in here and talk about your futures, your dreams—but what about me? You think I wanted to be a guidance counselor? Heck no, I was born to play the blues. [takes out harmonica and sings]
I got no future and neither do you,
your SAT scores are four-thirty-two.
Welcome to loserville!
PLPrincipal Larue
[over the P.A.] Attention students, this is Principal Larue. I just wanted to announce that as soon as I finish this yummy bundt cake, I’m going to the movies, like I do every Friday afternoon — and I’m payin’ for my popcorn with petty cash. Thank you.
So this is nice, just the two of us.
Yeah, no Sabrina. It’s great.
It is?
Sure, now we can order onions. Sabrina hates onions.
I lied to you when I said I didn’t mind Harvey and you coming here alone. I do mind and I know you guys might be soul mates but...
We’re not soul mates.
You're not?
No. I mean, Harvey's really cute and he’s really nice, but you can’t build a life on that.
I’d be willing to give it a shot.
[calling over] Are you guys talking about me?
BBoth
Yes.
Come talk about me over here.
I have something to say: I know I said that Drell would stand you up and this date would never happen, and... I was wrong.
I love it when you say that. Will you say it again?
No. Look, just have fun on your date. After all you’ve been through with Drell, you deserve a good time.
Hilda: Thanks, bye. Gotta go, I don’t wanna keep Drell waiting. [pause] Although it is kind of a funny image; Drell, waiting. [opens the Linen Closet, stops, then closes it again] I just had the best idea: I’m not going!
[surprised] What?
I’m standing Drell up! I’m going to give him a taste of his own pot roast!
[delighted] Oh Hilda, that’s perfect! Those self-help books are really paying off!
I know! Now, lock me in my bedroom before I change my mind!
[eating the pot roast] Oh, I wish my fur had an elastic waist band...
[exasperated] Well, stop eating!
I can't!
Sabrina, you should never be embarrassed by the truth.
Oh yeah? Then why did you change out of your dress?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sabrina, the Teenage Witch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.