[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: "The Gang's All Here" and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]
CCreepo
I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. [hisses at a car that just passed him] I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! [holds up a jar of his chest hair]
DDave
Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
[enters the trio's apartment] I heard you guys got Stephernie. I got Stephernie!
PaperMe too.
How? How do you see that?
Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. [he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]
[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]
[answers the door] Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
Paper
Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. [gasps] Oh, no. Secret's out.
[noticing something] Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is not a Stephernie! [the others gasp in shock] No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.
I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. [to Sandpaper] What's Stephernie's last name?!
Good. [to Baron Von Snootsberg] Walk like Stephernie! [Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey] Good. [to Female Robot Executive] In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
FRFemale Robot Executive
Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
[Paper sighs in relief]
That's exactly what she said.
Paper
[nervously] Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… [everyone looks at him, suspicious] in a Stephernie way. [walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]
FRFemale Robot Executive
Yes, that checks out.
[on the phone with Paper] You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
Paper
[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth] You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
Paper
Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
Paper
What is this show?
[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything] Not a Stephernie, huh?
Paper
[pleading for mercy] I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
[kneels down] Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
Paper
Seriously, what is this show?
Paper
It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. [Logan gets up and walks away] The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... [throws some things which are deadly and screams] Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? [drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing] No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
Paper
Can I get another word?
Paper
Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]
Paper
[rapping] When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper-
RSRock, Scissors, Pencil, & Lou
No.
Paper
Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
[everyone gasps in horror]
Paper
I don't think they're funny.
[everyone gasps again]
Paper
Ew, what? No.
[to Pencil and Rock] Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… are funny.
Paper
[mumbling to himself while working] Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
Paper
[turns around with an angry face] I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
Paper
Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! [karate kicks a wall and runs off]
We might have made him a little too angry.
Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling] Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]
Paper
Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.
Paper
[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work] Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. [he goes to the roof instead] However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- [he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully] I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. [whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster] Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. [accidentally breaks the chair] Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. [tries to push the fridge to make it fall] And is this fridge gonna fall? [straining] Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?
FSFuture Scissors
[while wearing a horse costume] You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?
But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home!
There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything!
Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
Paper
Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
WWaitress
I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]
Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
Paper
Uh… [touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger] Flub-Bub.
WWaitress
[swoons] Oh, Flub-Bub.
[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]
Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
FBFlub-Bub
[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice] Flub-Bubby!
Paper
Totally forgot about that.
Paper
[talking about Scissors' resolution] January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called "Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success".
BMBuff Man
I lift weight, prove I big success!
Paper
The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. [Scissors tries to open the lid] But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
[Scissors moans in disappointment]
[to Paper] Hey, can we talk for a second? [looks at the camera] Uh, off camera? [cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them] Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
Paper
[sighs] Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… [turns to the camera] because I needed it for this movie! [laughs and leaves]
[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]
There were hamsters in there?
Paper
[to Scissors] How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
SRScissors & Rock
[both gasp; simultaneously] I completed my New Year's resolution!
Let's sharpen our pens! [sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]
Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen my pen! [does the same thing like Scissors did]
[Words appear reading: "Don't try this at home. Obviously."]
Paper
[annoyed while he facepalms] Doofuses. [suddenly gets an idea] Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!
[attempting to return all the free stuff] I'm giving it back!
[trying to stop him] You're not giving it back!
Paper
[barges into the apartment] Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… [looks around at all the free stuff] have no idea what this is.
Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. [A pink flamingo walks past them] I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
Paper
Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's bad, because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?
Rock Paper Scissors · 174 quotes
