Nice Scissors quotes from Rock Paper Scissors

Paper

It's "The Paper Show"! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. [Logan gets up and walks away] The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... [throws some things which are deadly and screams] Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? [drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing] No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.

Scissors

Jacket!

Paper

Can I get another word?

Pencil

Circus!

Paper

Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?

Rock

Kumquat!

Paper

[rapping] When I say "Paper", you say "rules". Paper-

No.

Paper

Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.

Rock

What did you say?

Paper

I don't think they're funny.

Scissors

Not even Long Squeakers?

Pencil

Butt Trumpets?

Rock

Wet and Nasties?

Paper

Ew, what? No.

Scissors

[to Pencil and Rock] Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… are funny.

Paper

[mumbling to himself while working] Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.

Scissors

Hey, Paper. What are you working on?

Paper

[turns around with an angry face] I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!

Rock

Whoa.

Scissors

Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.

Paper

Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! [karate kicks a wall and runs off]

Rock

We might have made him a little too angry.

Scissors

Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.

Rock

[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling] Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.

Paper

Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

Rock

[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground] Scissors, are you alright?

Scissors

[sits up] Oh, my arm.

Rock

[looks at Scissors' right arm] Looks okay to me. [sees his broken left arm] Oh, the broken arm.

Scissors

[whining] Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.

Rock

Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. [opens the case and springs pop out of it] It's also a comedy school.

Scissors

[groans]

Rock

We gotta get Paper.

Scissors

No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, "I was right" like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?

Rock

I'm with you. [high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing] Oh, right. Your arm.

[while wearing a horse costume] You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?

Pencil

But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home!

Scissors

There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything!

Flub-Bub?

Rock

Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.

Paper

Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.

Potato

Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.

I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.

Rock

Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.

Scissors

Quick! Feed him a line!

Paper

Uh… [touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger] Flub-Bub.

Flub-Bub!

[swoons] Oh, Flub-Bub.

Scissors

Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.

[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice] Flub-Bubby!

Rock

Oh.

Scissors

Right.

Paper

Totally forgot about that.

Scissors

You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?

Paper

Whatever, it works.

Scissors

Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.

Rock

And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.

Scissors

But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.

Rock

You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

Scissors

How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.

Rock

You did what?!

Scissors

[to Paper] Hey, can we talk for a second? [looks at the camera] Uh, off camera? [cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them] Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.

Paper

[sighs] Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… [turns to the camera] because I needed it for this movie! [laughs and leaves]

Rock

There were hamsters in there?

Paper

[to Scissors] How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!

[both gasp; simultaneously] I completed my New Year's resolution!

Scissors

Let's sharpen our pens! [sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]

Rock

Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen my pen! [does the same thing like Scissors did]

Paper

[annoyed while he facepalms] Doofuses. [suddenly gets an idea] Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

Rock

[attempting to return all the free stuff] I'm giving it back!

Scissors

[trying to stop him] You're not giving it back!

Paper

[barges into the apartment] Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… [looks around at all the free stuff] have no idea what this is.

Rock

Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. [A pink flamingo walks past them] I don't even know what we complained about to get that.

Paper

Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's bad, because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.

Scissors

See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.

Rock

Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.

Scissors

[offended] Oh, you whiny little poop.

[reading the letter] "Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, "Rock Paper Scissors", Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible."

Scissors

Everyone's so sensitive.

[continues reading] "He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior."

Scissors

Yeah, that's what makes me fun.

[finishes reading] "This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately." I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.

Scissors

WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?

This show's about to get Nutso!

Paper

[stretching himself] Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! [exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]

Rock

Happy International Rock Day!

Paper

International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.

Rock

Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.

Scissors

[leading a marching band] Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

Paper

Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?

Scissors

[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich] I would, but my hands are full.

Rock

Well, just put it down.

Scissors

[now holding a lamp] Now I have another thing.

Paper

Scissors!

Rock

Scissors, come on! Can you just help us one time?