[Jeremy and Chad look towards Mordecai and Rigby who stare back.] Jeremy That's lT. [then he and Chad go up to Mordecai and Rigby, who walks up to them.]
RigbyHm hm hm hm hm!
This party's over! That's right, beat it. I don't want any of your faces here ever again! Hey, not you two. Mordecai and Rigby, you can get out Red BECAUSE YOU'RE FIRED!!
(He angrily camera-flashes in front of both's faces)
Rigby
But you were gonna give our jobs away!
We had to do something to stop them from finishing the boats!
Yeah, and a lot good THAT did you,
Rigby
But Benso— (He camera-flashes them again)
Rigby
But— (POASH)
NOW, Red NOW, NOW, LEAVE NOW!!
(Benson sighs heavily and recedes down to his normal color hue for a beat)
Hey, Chad and Jeremy! Looks like positions opened up, so whaddaya say? How would you like a job at the park.
JJeremy
(scoffs) Yeah right. We didn't get degrees at the Institute of Technical Technology to work at some at some crazy job like this.
CChad
Good luck finding two suckers dumb enough to take this job!
(Both activate rocket-installed phones and fly away)
Chad! Jeremy! Wait.... ... But... I...
So.. Benson... Not sure if you're looking, but we know a couple of dumb suckers who are real good at cleaning up pizza parties.
Rigby
REAL good. (He camera-flashes Benson)
[Trash Boat has changed his name back to Rigby, thus puzzling The Urge for a moment]
Huh!? Wait, what did you say your name was?
Rigby
Rigby! It's Rigby!
WOOOO-HOO! The Urge is back, BAY-BAAAAAAYAH!
[Another time traveling rockstar named Dicken Flakes appears]
DFDicken Flakes
Ey! Are you The Urge?
DFDicken Flakes
You robbed me of my fame in the future, so I've come back here to the past to stop you!
[The woman at the name change counter closes her window door]
DFDicken Flakes
[blasts The Urge with his keytar, killing the latter] Nice!
[Another time traveling rockstar named Velvet Overkill appears]
VOVelvet Overkill
Are you Dicken Flakes?
DFDicken Flakes
What's it to you?
[Yet another time traveling rockstar appears]
TTTime Traveling Rockstar #1
Oi, which one of you is the Velvet Overkill?
VOVelvet Overkill and Dicken Flakes
[they point at each other] He is! [they both get shot down]
TTTime Traveling Rockstar #1
Finally! My fame is secure!
[And then, a whole bunch of time traveling rockstars appear]
TTTime Traveling Rockstar #2
Anyone here named Crocodile Deathspin?
[Chaos ensues at the name change palace as all the time traveling rockstars attack each other with their laser-shooting instruments of every sort. As Mordecai and Rigby watch the escalating war, they dodge a laser and get outta dodge. The short-lived war then ends when the last time traveling rockstar with maracas appears and gets blasted by a time traveling rockstar with a laser-shooting saxophone and his maraca-grenades get dropped and then explodes, destroying the name change palace and killing all of the time-traveling rockstars inside. Mordecai and Rigby walk out alive with ashes on their bodies.]
Rigby
Thanks, dude.
Yeah... Don't ever change your name again.
[a short while after being pulled over]
Rigby
Yeah, the bag wouldn't open and the napkins!--
[Irritated] No, no more! Here's what you guys are gonna do for the rest of the trip — nothing! Absolutely nothing! (in red) Don't say anything, don't do anything. Just stop messing things up!
[pause]
Rigby
Benson, why d’you hate us so much?
[sighs] I don't hate you guys. I just hate some of things you do. Okay, I really hate some of things you do. I know you don't mean them, but I'm your boss and it's my job to push you to do better.
Is that why Maellard yells at you?
[laughs] You guys dunno how easy you have it! Let's just say his yelling is way worse than mine.
Rigby
But is it worse than his face? [all laugh]
(Yawns) Huh? [angry] What?! (He walks into Joyspot Arcade finding Mordecai & Rigby, angrily pulling them out of the building, they both groan)
Rigby
Turn it off!
Ugh. How long were we in there?
(turning red) HOURS! You were in there for HOURS! Now, we're never gonna make it to the dealership in time! It closes in thirty minutes!
We're sorry! We didn't know it was daytime. There aren't any windows in the arcade!
Excuses, excuses! How am I supposed to trust you when all you give me are EXCUSES?!!? When are you two gonna learn that your actions have CONSEQUENCES??!!?! Consequences that AFFECT other people! (Voice breaking) Like me. Don't you two understand? I'm about to lose my job! You may not care about keeping your jobs, but I care about keeping mine. 'Cause if I lose my job, I have nothing! Do you hear me? I have nothing! (breaks down crying) Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take my last bathroom break as an employed man. (enters the nearby bathroom)
Dude, we really messed up. (A few moments later, Benson exits the bathroom)
(Shocked) What...? (He notices the cart is gone, then turns red and starts wailing, screaming in a rage, then panting) Hey, you! (the scene shows a hillbilly on a motorcycle, then Benson runs up to him) There were two guys with a truck that were just here. D’you know where they went?
BBiker
Oh, yeah! They're taking a shortcut out to Highway 13 to the car dealership!
BBiker
Most dangerous highway in the country!
How much do you want for that bike? (he is seen driving the motorcycle to catch Mordecai and Rigby, who are driving Benson's truck)
Okay, little dude, time to go to sleep.
Rigby
Wait, you can talk?
Of course I can, I am over 300 years old.
Wait — do your parents know?
NO, and let's keep it that way! I want to ride this baby thing out for a while longer, and before I slumber, I demand that we PLAY.
Rigby
Well, okay... but you better go to sleep after that.
LLadonna
What is going on here?
[groans] This is why clubs suck! You think you are better than everybody else? There'a a dumb list that no one can get on? That weird baby water? This annoying music?!
Rigby
Actually, I like the music.
And now you're kicking my friend out because he's not wearing the right clothes?! Well, I'm not wearing the right clothes! [He takes off trash bag] I got this stuff out at the trash. Are you gonna kick me out, too? [all gasp] Rigby is not an embarrassment, this Stuck-Up club is an embarrassment.
LLadonna
Well, I am the owner of the Stuck-Up club, and I want you two gone.
LLadonna
Harvey, Lafayette!
LLadonna
Throw these losers out.
No, please! Margaret's waiting for me! I promised I'd dance with her!
HHarvey
Not tonight, kid.
Rigby
Let go of me!
[gasps] Margaret! [he stomps on Harvey's feet, and he's running after Margaret]
Dude, Benson can't stand it when you leave jobs before they're even finished.
Rigby
Oh please, what's he gonna do? [Benson looks behind him, who overhears the conversation]
Rigby
Fire me?
[teething angrily] IT’S BENSON!
Rigby
Yeah, I know it's Benson, that's how it works around here. I don't do my work, and he doesn't do a thing about it. It's a win-win.
Actually, it's a lose-lose CAUSE YOU’RE FIRED!!
Rigby
Whoa, Benson!! I was just messing around! Sorry about that. I'm just gonna go back to work now, okay?
No, you're not. You're actually fired. I want you outta here.
Rigby
I'm sorry, Benson, it won't happen again!
Can't you give him another chance?!
[stops by] What's going on here?
Why? What's the matter, Benson?
Well, for one, he never finishes his work.
Rigby
That's not true! I always finish my work!
[cut to Rigby playing video games with the vacuum cleaner running past him; whooping on the duck spring rider with his garbage bag and stick laid down; and himself sleeping with the hose still running]
Rigby
Okay, so... maybe I don't always finish my work, but... you never told me how to! How am I suppose to do something I don't even know how to do?!
I don't know! If you haven't figured it out already, you're not gonna figure it out anytime soon. I want you outta here!!
Rigbaby, repeat lessons one and two.
Rigby
Lesson one... is stay calm. Lesson two... is be cool.
Rigby
Yeah, stay cool.
Alright. Forget those two lessons!
Rigby
WHAT!!?
Lesson three is the only lesson that matters. Lesson three... is never quit. You say it.
Rigby
Never quit.
Rigby
Never quit!
I'm sorry, did you say something, Rigbaby?
Rigby
I said never quit!!
[Muscle Man starts on the mower at high volume]
Rigby
NEVER QUIT!!
YOU SOUND LIKE A QUIET LITTLE QUITTER!!!
Rigby
NEVER QUIT!!!
I'M GONNA YANK THIS CORD JUST LIKE YOUR MOM YANKED THAT PACIFIER OUT OF YOUR LITTLE BABY MOUTH!!!!
Rigby
NEVER QUIT!!!!!
CCart
Seriously, you dudes are gonna love this.
Rigby
Why is everything in quotes?
H1Hooligan 1
Hey! I asked for the dressing separate! Separate!
OOwner
Take it up with the complaints department! Right here!
OOwner
Hey! You gonna order something?
Ooh, I get it! Oil's on me.
You should have just us you wanted to find an oil change!
H2Hooligan 2
Hey! Don't you know that grade of oil causes unnecessary wear and tear on your engine?
CCart
Well maybe I've got a deathwish, pal!
H2Hooligan 2
Jokers like you should be taken to the dump.
H2Hooligan 2
You make me wanna puke!
Okay, haha, you've had your last drink!
Rigby
Let's hurry to the dump, it's getting late!
CCart
Oh, this? This isn't the last thing.
Rigby
Huh? Then what is it?
CCart
I've always wanted to get into a fight!
H3Hooligan 3
Hence fighting words!
H4Hooligan 4
Hate this music!
Rigby
Cart!
OOwner
And stay out! This is a decent "Family Establishment"! Don't need you "low lives" messing things up!
Wait a minute, where's the Cart? I knew it! He ditched us! We should've taken him to the dump when we had the chance! We're so fired, dude! [Mordecai feels disappointed]
Rigby
Mordecai, look! An oil trail!
There he is! Cart...what are you doing up here?
CCart
I - I'm so sorry, you guys. I - I just didn't want you to have to see me like this.
It's alright, dude. Can we please just go to the dump now?
CCart
If I have to go, I'm gonna do it my way. I wanna be sent off this cliff, into the ocean, filled with fireworks from a third world country, to go out in a blaze of glory. That's my final - final wish.
That's - the coolest thing I've ever heard.
Alright. That's the last of them.
CCart
Well I never did write that novel. But I've seen things other carts wouldn't believe. I've started an all-out brawl at a family restaurant. I've watched sunbeams shimmer over the city from the highest parking ramp. My only regret is that I couldn't hold more fireworks.
Yeah, but it's still a lot.
MRMordecai, Rigby & Cart
OOHHHH!!!
CCart
Let's get this show on the road.
Coolest decommissioning ever.
Rigby
Totally cool.
MGMSH Guy
Look, you guys need to return the tape and pay the late fee.
Rigby
But we can't afford a late fee!
Yeah, and what if we can't find it?
MGMSH Guy
[grunts, grabs a pair of scissors] Then you leave me no choice. [about to snip their membership card]
Rigby
All we have is a VCR and you're the only place in town that still rents tapes!
MGMSH Guy
Oh, yeah — all those other places UPGRADED to D-V-D!!
Dude, we'll find it! I think I remember where it is suddenly!
Rigby
PLEEEEEASE!!!
MGMSH Guy
[groans] Fine, but it's only because you dudes appreciate superior video formats. Get it back here A.S.A.P. and I won't cancel your membership. I'll even wave the fee.
Rigby
You won't regret this!
MGMSH Guy
I'd better not! Or you'll never rent a tape here EVER AGAIN!!
As you guys may or may not know, it's Pops' birthday tomorrow. I was planning on getting him something nice from the arts and crafts fair last Saturday, but... nothing really stood out. Has anybody gotten him anything yet?
Why am I not surprised? [pulls cap off of marker] Ideas? Anybody?
How about one of them Jeff Forgeman grills?
That's actually not a bad idea, but Pops has been watching his cholesterol. Doctor's orders. What else?
How about we get him some new gardening tools?
Well, maybe. It's just, he gets new gardening tools all the time.
What about some horseback riding lessons?
Please tell me you're joking.
Well, no. Isn't he into that?
Don't you remember? That's the exact same gift we got him last year.
Rigby
Pshh!
Don't "pshh" me! I don't hear you coming up with anything.
Rigby
Yeah, but at least I didn't say the same thing that we got him last year!
[The Park gang stop the Capicola Gang at their tracks]
Give us back our dice! We won 'em fair and square!
BLBear Leader
There's no way you're getting these dice. Now get outta the way before somebody gets hurt!
What could you possibly want with fuzzy dice?
LLouie
Well, 10 years ago, we knocked over at big city jewelers, and we made off with millions worth of uncut diamonds. [points to the dice] And those diamonds are in those dice.
BLBear Leader
[thwacks Louie in the face] Shut up, Louie!
I remember reading about that! That was you?
BLBear Leader
Yeah, that's right. We've been laying low for 10 long years waiting for the statute of limitations on grand theft larceny to run out. And it was supposed to end tonight at midnight.
Mm-hmm. Until you clowns came along and ruined everything.
Rigby
Can't we just have the dice without the diamonds?
BLBear Leader
It's too late. And you know too much.
If you pass them out before the meeting, you're fired, got it?
Good. Now what do I just tell you?
Rigby
Get the donuts and don't pass them out, or else we're fired.
Oh, and you want a whole wheat donut.
Good. Maybe you are ready for more responsibility. Now go get the donuts.
MRMordecai and Rigby
(Gets out of chairs and start rapping) D-d-d-d-donuts! D-d-d-d-donuts, donuts! D-d-d-d-donuts! D-d-d-d--
[annoyingly yelling] JUST BUY THE DONUTS OR YOU'RE FIRED!
So, what did you guys think?
Yeah, you know, it was pretty good.
I think I'm gonna like the remake better.
Rigby
They don't call it Crime Town for nothing, baby. (Mimicking machine gun sounds)
Well, I'm glad you liked it. I missed all the best parts 'cause you were trying to talk to me.
Rigby
Dude, I still don't know what you're talking about. Like I said, it wasn't me.
Regular Show · 562 quotes
