TV show quotes
We're moving too slow! we'll have to leave someone behind...
Not it!
Not it.
What? No way! You're leaving me behind?!
Sorry Donut, but the military laws are very clear in regards on the 'not it' methodology for making decisions.
Awww man! There's just so much about the army that I don't understand!
Okay, the source of the distress signal should be right outside this - crap!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Zoom out to reveal that they are back at Blood Gulch]
This sucks.
What, the fuck, was that?
Hey, Church!
Hey.
Huh?
Isn't anybody gonna ask me, "What happened to your body, Church?"
[in unison, feigning interest] What happened to your body, Church?
Caboose[as Tex and Tucker are finishing]: What happened to some... body... Church?
I don't know I was sitting there talking to gary and...
The bomb?
No that's Andy... Gary is the computer.
Eh, I barely remember your names half the time!
I know my name! You can ask me if you forget!
Hey, can we please focus on me?
By the way, he's Church.
Yes. Thank you Caboose. She knows.
He is the mean one.
Thank you Caboose!
See? He is mad. Now he will stare at me until I stop talking. Then, when he thinks I am done talking, then he will start talking again.
(long pause) OK, I was talking to Gar-
(cuts him off) Told you so.
GOD DAMN IT!
Classic Church.
I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurysm?
Anyways I was sitting there talking to Gary about the great destroyer at the time we thought was Tex.
The great destroyer has arrived, the end is near. The great destroyer has arrived, the end is near.
Oh come on gary gary gary stop stop stop stop stop, hey if Tex isn't the destroyer for the prophecy then who is?
And that's when I turned around and i saw...
Saw what? Saw O'Malley?
What the... Caboose get out of the story man, no it wasn't O'Malley-
What was it?!
Stop interrupting me and I'll tell you.
A helicopter?
Yeah Caboose shut up.
Yeah Tucker you're interrupting too, just get out of the story!
Me? I'm just here to spice things up! Check this out.
[Tucker mimics Tex]
Hi everybody, I'm super horny from all the robot killing. Hey, is it hot in here? Who wants to help me out of this heavy armor? This breastplate is so itchy.
Bow chicka bow-
[Tex points her gun at Tucker's head and cocks it back]
-whoa, ok, story's over!
You're a pig.
I didn't even get to the part where the sailors show up.
Just tell us, what did you see?
Well...It was a really big...thing.
That's your story? You saw a big thing...
, Ah, my story had a big thing in it too. You just didn't give it time to develop.
Well, I really didn't get a clear look at it.
At Tucker's big thing?
Ha Ha Ha! Some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church!
It didn't scare the crap out of him, it scared the SOUL out of him.
Oh, it's Church. What's the difference? His soul is made out of crap! (to Church) Stupid crap for soul...
For all I know, he's in there chewin' on my body right now.
Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours!
Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Oh, shut up!
Shut up, Tucker.
Somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Tucker! Shut up!
I came here to lay some pipe. (quickly) Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Tucker!
So I hear you got sisters, Bow Chicka- who are twins, Bow Wow!
Shut up.
Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow Chicka Bow Wow!
Shut up!
Bow chickachicka bow wow chickachicka bow wow etc.
(while Tucker is saying last) Shut up. Shut up. Shut UP!
Donut, you're going out of turn.
I thought I went after Simmons.
No, we go in line. It goes you, then me, then Simmons, then back down to me, then you, then me, then me, then Simmons, then me, then me, then Simmons, me... me, Simmons, you, Simmons, me, me, me, Simmons, you... me..., then me again. It makes perfect sense!
But doesn't that mean you go twice as much... or ten times as much?
[Fires sniper rifle at Grif] This is the best game since Grifball.
I'm not coming down!
Hey Grif, move back and forth like one of those ducks at the carnival! [Takes another shot at Grif, who ducks] No, don't duck, that makes you harder to hit. Act like a duck!
Wait a minute, that was my turn!
This is the lightning round!
Who's in the lightning rou-
Me
Alright! fuck this i'm coming down. (Sarge shoots him at him again) OW! I SAID I'M COMING DOWN!!!
Ha-ha, BUZZER-BEATER! Take that you stupid duck!
Hey Andy.... ANDY!
Hey, look who's back: The Dickhead!
Hey, up yours.
You back for another beating? It must be Ass-Kick o'clock!
Where's that big alien thing?
I dunno. Last time I saw him he was half-way up your ass!
Alright, screw it. You guys get behind me, and stay tight.
[very quickly] Bow Chicka Bow Wow.
Never mind, Tucker's in front.
Eh, it was worth it.
Hey, why didn't you bring that glowing thing?
No way! I'd rather have a gun.
But I've got a gun.
What are you gonna do? Shoot him with ghost bullets?
Okay, yeah. I guess that's a good point.
"Hi, I'm Casper, the friendly bullet!"
There it is!
Jesus RUN!! (All three of them keep shooting their guns at the wall while they run away)
Crap!
Oh my GOD OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO DIE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!
RUN!
Women and children last. (They run past Caboose)
Did we win?
Yeah Caboose we won! This is our victory lap!
(jokingly) Hey come back, I think you're making him tired! (laughing)
[The Reds discuss the sighting of the Tank]
I'm telling you it was here! It drove by while you were talking, you had your back turned and it went zoom right behind you!
Well it really sounded like, (Starts to make a bad impersonation of the tank, along with some fake screaming).
That's not the important part of the story, Donut!
(sarcastically) Sure, Simmons, I believe you. You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously, and then just as quickly disappeared. And you're the only one that can see it. Just like signs of Donut's heterosexuality!
No I'm not! Donut saw it!
Yeah!
Donut's impressionable. He'd agree with anything you said.
Yeah!
Aw hell, he'd eat a spoonful of dirt if you told him it tasted like chocolate!
*gasp!* That's not true!
Heh heh, so that's where you draw the line?
No, I mean, it's not true that dirt tastes like chocolate.. right?, seriously right?
Okay, well Grif saw it too, we all saw it!
(lying) I don't know what you are talking about, I didn't see a damn thing.
What?
[The Blues discuss sending in Caboose to talk with the Alien]
Well, think about it. While our Ambassador here is either being a) eaten by the alien, or b) digested by the alien, you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies.
I would make an excellent Ambidasdor, (looks at Tucker) because I am very shy!
Get away from me freak!
You know, if that word's too hard to pronounce, you can just call yourself bait.
You know, we could've taken that alien out if I'd have hit him just a few more times.
A few more times? How about one time?
Well, I think I landed at least two or three shots.
Yeah, right.
You didn't hit anything but the wall.
How the hell would you know? You were running straight backwards.
This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.
Where were you planning on shooting him from? The fucking moon? If you'd have backed up any further, you woulda had to mail him the bullets!
Maybe that stupid tank was just a figment of my imagination.
I don't think so.
Shut up you ruin my life!
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