Red vs Blue quotes

I think I will call him... Crunchbite!

Naah, that's a stupid name.

Well I think it's better than your suggestion...Crouchasaurous.

Caboose who are you talking to— HOLY SHIT!!!

BLARG!

Stop he is my friend, he's not going to it eat anybody.

Yeah says you stink too much to eat.

He has not tried to bite me, at all-

Blargh.

...since he bit me the first time.

Yeah, that was hilarious!

I think "blarg" means me. Or...apples. Guys Apples must be the name of his cat! Quick, quick is Apples stuck in a tree? I will call the fire department!

I think he might be saying things telepathically. I just heard something in my head.

What? What was it?

It was a voice saying "Blargh blargh blargh blargh!"

Ooo-kay. Church... is trying to get a TRANSLATOR. So that WE can TALK to EACH OTHER.

: Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language. Speaking slowly is not gonna help.

What? I'm talking to Caboose.

Oh.

[camera pans to reveal Caboose] I don't understand. Are-are-are you hungry? Tucker, are you hungry? Are you cold?

What? No.

Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?

Damn it, no, Caboose! I'm NOT cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again, I'm gonna kill you!

Okay gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy.

Fluffy?

Fluffy! The alien that only loves!

He's got to have a name! Why don't we just ask him? Hey Alien dude, what's your name? Naaame. I am Tucker. This is Church. That's Bitch-pants McCrabby.

Hey!

Well, that's what we call you.

Not me. I call you Mrs.McCrabby

Thanks.

Has it occured to you that his name might be Honk-honk?

What kinda name is Honk-honk?

Alien, does blarg mean yes?

Blarg.

Holy shit! Blarg means yes. He just said yes. Blarg means yes. I speak alien!

Yeah..unless blarg means no. In which case, he just said no. Blarg does not mean yes.

What?! No way. Hey Alien, am I right?

Blarg.

Haha, see? The FUCK do you know.

No wait, monkeys...monkey pirates.

Nope.

From..Uranus.

My logical data analysis sector indicates that would be highly unlikely, and my bullshit meter agrees.

Man, I wish Grif was here. I could convince him there was food underground, and he would dig half a hole for me! Or maybe a third of a hole... then he'd use the shovel to eat oatmeal...... On second thought, I don't wish Grif was here.

For unconfirmed Dutch-Irish, press 1 too, as in also.

Church! Chuuuuurch! Hey, Church!

I'm right behind you dumbass.

Oh. Hey, Church, do you have a knife?

No. That's a weapon, dude. Ask Tex.

She said she had something to take care of. Girl stuff, I think.

Huh? Like what?

I don't know! I stopped asking questions after "girl stuff".

What're you two guys doin'?

We're gonna teach the Alien how to speak English.

How're you gonna do that?

People learn English all the time. It aren't that hard.

Maybe you should try learning his language.

Fuck that. We got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language.

Tucker, there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth.

Yeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101: remedial kick-ass.

Alright, bomb, we need to talk.

Heh hehhh heh heh heh, talk about what, Butch? Workin' on cars, and pickin' up chicks?

Excuse me, is that any way to talk to a lady?

A lady? Who're you kiddin'? I bet you got more balls than a roman candle.

(sighing) I knew this was a bad idea.

Hey, Tex, why you got black armor? Couldn't find any in flannel?

Listen jackass—

(laughing hysterically) Flannel!

I put you together, I can take you apart.

(stops laughing) Hey...whaddaya mean?

Bombs come with remote detonators, dumbass. And any time I want, I can just hit a button and you're just a memory. A very annoying, very insulting memory, but nonetheless a memory.

I think you're bluffin'. (under breath) ...Dyke.

Okay, strike two.

Alright. Whaddaya want?

Well, when I built you, I used parts from an old protocol robot.

Yeah sure, and you also used parts from some of your more personal devices.

Whoa—okay. Can you use those protocol parts and translate what this alien thing is saying?

Of course! But what's in it for me?

Let's put it this way: you don't push my buttons, and I don't push yours.

Alright, fine. But I'm not translating any of that touchy-feely crap!

Deal. Come on. [She starts to walk off.] Well, are you coming?

What am I gonna do, roll there? Pick me up, ya dumb bitch!

(exasperatedly) Great, I can tell this is starting off well.

Hey, Tex. I bet you haven't had your hands on a ball this big since your morning scratch! Ahahahahaheh, ahehahe- [Tex drops Andy with a resounding thud that shakes the screen.] Hey...aw, come on, Tex, baby, where ya goin'? It's just a joke between the two of us guys, come on! Laugh it off big guy, laugh it off! Haha, hey Tex, when you walk away I can see where ya tucked it! Haha!