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Red vs Blue · Season 3

“New toys (Episode 45)” quotes from Red vs Blue

5 quotes

“New toys (Episode 45)” · Season 3

In this episode: Grif (4), Tucker (4), Simmons (3), Sarge (3), Donut (3)

Hey Sarge, what's that metal thing that looks like a bunny? Ooh, ooh and what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can?

Don't touch anything Donut!

No, I don't think that getting new rims for the jeep is a good idea.

Oh, come on! If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, some kick-ass subs, hydraulics!

I'm in.

Why?

Uh, for style.

For chicks!

What chicks? There's no one for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive!

What, suddenly you're a pessimist?

Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last men on earth for them.

He's right.

All my life, I've had girls tell me 'Not if you were the last man on earth!' [Laughs] Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on earth with a sweet-ass pimped-out ride, bitch!

If you ladies are through gossiping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle!

Oh, yeah, right. Here, let me try. [Starts car]

Wait!

[Donut, under the jeep, screams]

Donut, are you okay?

[sobbing] I was just… petting… the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can… and part of my hand went with it!

Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make.

Donut, I told you not to touch anything! You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!

What's the rush of getting this thing fixed anyway?

Listen, dirtbag. I know on blue team, you like to lollygag a beer-

There is no blue team. It's all a lie. Red and blue are the same.

Oh, don't start that crap again.

You sound like a conspiracy nut when you talk about that stuff. [sarcastically] The government put a chip in my brain!

[also sarcastically] The president can hear my thoughts!

[sarcastically, while also in great pain] We never landed on the sun!

[sarcastic gasp] They put fluoride in my water!

Actually, that one's true.

It is? No wonder I listen to so much pop music.

But you guys think I'm your enemy, and I'm not preparing to do anything. Cept' get L.A.I.D.

...

...

Laid.

Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak.

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