Juliet O'Hara quotes from Psych

Juliet

If Chief Vick knew I was running names for you guys, I'd lose my ass.

Shawn

We definitely don't want that to happen.

Juliet

What are you doing?

Lassiter

Oh, I'm just talking to your friend Blair here. She...she's great. We have so much in common.

Juliet

She's not my friend.

Lassiter

What do you mean? You didn't send her down here to meet me?

Juliet

No. I don't invite friends to dangerous stakeouts. But I know her. She's a professional.

Lassiter

[to Blair] Please tell me you're a hit-man.

Vick

Let me be frank.

Shawn

As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.

Gus

Why do I always have to be Sammy?

Shawn

Fine, he's Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want? You want to be Joey Bishop?

Juliet

SHAWN!

Shawn

Jules, how often does someone set you up with "Let me be Frank"?

Juliet

Shawn, don't forget that you are in a lot of trouble here and I am probably the only person in this room who cares to see you get out of it. Now it's 2:30 in the morning; we've been here for hours. Enough with the jokes; stop delaying and tell us what we want to hear!

Shawn

[turns to Gus stunned] Oh my God, that was so hot.

Lassiter

Spencer, I'd appreciate in the future if you'd just play with your life.

Shawn

Oh, come on, Lassie. If Derek hadn't caved, I would have just deactivated [the bomb] myself. It's very easy, you just clip the red wire and the green wire at the same time.

Juliet

Uh, Shawn, there is no green wire.

Shawn

Really? Well in that case, we all would have died.

Oh, and this is a typo, right? $800 for skates?

Juliet

Would it help if I told you the other pairs weren't cute at all?

Juliet

Google "missing foot"? That was your plan?

Lassiter

Well, not all of it.

Shawn

How do I look, Jules?

Juliet

Like my 11-year-old nephew in his Peyton Manning pajamas.

Shawn

Your 11-year-old nephew is ruggedly sexy? That's weird.

Shawn

Does this ring a bell? "No, Shawn, I have not had any naughty dreams about you." And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born so that I could be your partner."

Gus

What?

Shawn

True story.

Gus

That's messed up.

Juliet

I never said that, Gus.

Juliet

Are you all right?

Shawn

Yeah, of course I am, why?

Juliet

Well we got the message that you were at the hospital. Something about life and death.

Shawn

Oh, right, that. Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.

Gus

I knew I should have left that message.

Gus

Where's Leiber?

Juliet

Gone. Looks like he's on the lam.

Shawn

If he's on a lamb, he won't get far. Alpaca, different story. Those things really fly.

Hi, I'm Clive. I'm hilarious and I have no girlfriend.

Juliet

Hi, I'm Juliet and I'm a cop.

Nice rejection. Very clean.

Gus

You still have your shoes and socks on! Do you even know how this game works?

Shawn

Oh!

Juliet

Wow.

Shawn

Boy, Billy, I will give you everything in Gus' wallet if you put your pants back on.

Gus

Dude, please cover your junk.

Juliet

I am clearly not as good with words as you are, and I know that things between us have been...a little complicated...and that there have probably been some mixed signals, mostly from me, with regards to the time we spend together outside of the line of duty.

Shawn

Look, Jules, y--

Juliet

[interrupting him] Just, please, let me finish stumbling through this, I'm almost done. I promise. What I'm saying, is that I think maybe the best things, the...richest things, aren't supposed to come easily, and that sometimes the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't, and, well, I-- [pauses] I think you deserve more than popcorn tonight.

Juliet

So why don't you let me take you to dinner?

Shawn

Detective O'Hara, are you asking me out on a date?

Juliet

I am. [pause] A proper one.

Shawn

[exhales] Wow. [laughs in disbelief] I cannot believe this. All this time, and... your timing is just awful.

Juliet

It is?

Shawn

Yeah, just dreadful.

Juliet

[confused] What?

Shawn

I can't go to dinner with you, Jules, I'm already on a date.

Juliet

What, here?

Shawn

Yeah, right now. It's w-- [stutters] It's weird, it's a little weird, but, uh...yeah. With Abigail.

Juliet

The one that got away.

Shawn

Yeah.

Juliet

[kisses him on the cheek] Get out there. She's not gonna wait forever.

Lassiter

Can you believe that? A high-ranking member of U.S. law enforcement not being allowed to carry his weapon on him?

Juliet

Did you really think it wouldn't set off the metal detector?

Lassiter

I've got to get my hands on a gun, O'Hara. I have enemies everywhere. Maybe I can pick one up at the hotel.

Juliet

Oh, absolutely, right downstairs in the gift shop. They have Kleenex, mixed nuts, and 9-millimeter Lugers.

Shawn

Jules.

Juliet

Sorry, Shawn, no time for your tomfoolery and silliness.

Shawn

Actually we were just...

Juliet

That also goes for nonsense, malarkey, and shenanigans.