Henry Spencer quotes from Psych

Henry

When I was in the department there were two things I hated in this world: private investigators and psychics. Congratulations, kid, you just hit the disappointment trifecta.

Henry

"Love Dad"? Why don't you just put "kissy kissy"?

Henry

Oh well. Hooray for loopholes!

Henry Spencer

Shawn, I've been worried about you since you turned three and started eating your own toenails.

Henry

[watching Shawn jump up and down because he just figured out the case] Shawn, don't you dare learn a wrong lesson while I'm trying to teach you a right lesson!

Henry

"Sagittarius: Please return the BB gun you confiscated from your son in the second grade. P.S. You are a cranky-pants."

Henry

How much blood was it exactly Shawn?

Shawn

And by the way, Dad, my birthday wasn't yesterday. It was...four months ago!

Henry

Yeah, well, after you were born it took you four months to smile at me. That's when the clock started tickin'.

Shawn

What is that?

Henry

What?

Shawn

Exfoliating scrub, with pumice!

Henry

Whatever, Shawn. All I know is when I varnish my boat and I don't want it to streak, I sand off a layer first. Same thing goes with tanning.

Shawn

That is the single most disturbing analogy I've ever heard in my entire life.

Henry

What about your license?

Shawn

Oh, you mean my pilot's license? That's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're refering to my license to kill. Revoked. Trouble at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you the details but then I'd have to kill you, which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked.

Nigel St. Nigel

Nose hair trimmer. Invest.

Henry

Can you even remember what it felt like to be able to move the muscles in your face?

Nigel St. Nigel

Who decorated this place? Kris Kristofferson?

Henry

I built that table.

Nigel St. Nigel

Really? I'm pretty sure if I were to build a table, I would start by using wood that had never drifted.

Henry

All right. You know... that's it.

Nigel St. Nigel

Already? I'm just getting started. I've got a sonnet for each piece of fish paraphernalia.

Henry

Oh yeah? Well I've got an ice-cold can of whup-ass just sitting in that fridge!

Shawn

Actually it's diet whup-ass.

Henry

It's a good thing we wore our lucky shirts.

Shawn

I'm just worried someone is going to stare directly at the pattern and have a seizure.

Henry

Oh, Shawn, what have I told you a thousand times before?

Young Shawn

Don't hide Gus in the pantry?

Henry

That lies always lead to more lies. Now, go to your room.

Young Shawn

I don't know where that is.

Henry

SHAWN!!!

Young Shawn

Who's Shawn?

Young Shawn

Okay, I'm going to take your pointy sad-faced guy for my horsey guy.

Henry

[pointing to the knight] Stop! What is this piece called?

Young Shawn

I call him Dwight.

Henry

[pointing to the bishop] What is this one called?

Young Shawn

B.A. Baracus.

Henry

Well that's a stupid house to rob.

Shawn

Does anyone live up to your expectations? Maybe we should get the robber's phone number so you can call and tell him how disappointed you are.